The spouse acceptance factor

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Jonathan Dagmar, May 29, 2003.

  1. Jonathan Dagmar

    Jonathan Dagmar Supporting Actor

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    *sigh*.

    This is probably an innapropriate thread, but these thoughts have been brewing ever since I started reading HTF. I can'r resist, so please bare with me.

    I see so many posts that mention the wife accpetance factor, so sweetly abreviated as WTF. And everytime I see these posts I cringe. I guess I am absolutly floored at the number of men in these forums that have such one sided and unhealthy, IMO, relationships with their wives. It's like Everybody Loves Raymond time a hundred.

    I can't believe how many of you have absolutly no say about what goes into yout home. I bet your wives don't let you pick the colour of the bathroom towels, or the walls, or the furniture. I bet your bedspread is entirely of your wifes choosing as well. I also have a feeling that your contribute anywhere from 50-100% of the family income. If you want to put a subwoofer at the front of your family room, you should bloody well be able to do it as far as I am concerned.

    I can't belive how many times I have read posts that mention they are not allowed to buy a new tv, for example.

    I am sorry, but this is just insane. Where it the equality in these marriages? This is not an anti-woman post. This is not an anti-marriage post. But I do have very little respect for the type of woman that beats her man into submission. It's just not fair, and I can't imagine such a dynamic amounts to a very happy marriage.
     
  2. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    It has to be asked: Are you married? [​IMG]
     
  3. John Spencer

    John Spencer Supporting Actor

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    Well, you may be surprised at how many of "these people" to whom you refer are wanting to go into debt, or blow a healthy chunk of their savings, on stuff that while nice, is not as necessary as the basic needs of life. Myself, as much as I love HT, I'm not gonna spend a lot of money without my wife's approval. And not because she's a shrew, or I can't make a decision without her input. It's because I love her, and a marriage is a 100/100 commitment. I do it out of respect for my spouse.
    She's going to have a different view on what's important in our home, and her opinions are just as valid as mine. Maybe if you saw both sides of these "WTF" arguments, you'd see that the husband is addicted to having the newest and best gadgets fot his HT, meanwhile the siding is falling off the house, and the family car smells like old cat piss. All you get here is the side of the person who wants the stuff. You don't live with them. She might have to beat his spending into submission because he can't control it himself. It's not a good idea to hear one side of an issue and draw conclusions from it.

    So that's where the equality is in these marriages. At least in my opinion.
     
  4. Kevin_Spradley

    Kevin_Spradley Stunt Coordinator

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    I believe Wife Acceptance Factor is abbreviated WAF.

    WTF stands for What The F***.
     
  5. Keith Mickunas

    Keith Mickunas Cinematographer

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    John, I think he's referring to the numerous threads where people say "I'd like to buy a brand X sub, but my wife would never let me put that in the house." and so on. Financial decisions are one thing, but aesthetics are another matter and I agree with Jonathon. However I'm not married, so my opinion matters little in this.
     
  6. Jonathan Dagmar

    Jonathan Dagmar Supporting Actor

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    Opps, yes of course, WAF, not WTF, hehe. Perhaps it was a because in my mind i was thinking "what the ****" when I was posting the topic. hehe

    And Kieth, you are correct. I am not talking about finacial concerns that a wife may have. That is a completely different story entirely.

    No, I am not married. But I do know many married people, both who have healthy fair relationships, and those who have battle axe wives that act as floral print loving dicatators. I can see an obvious differnce...
     
  7. Markus Lidstrom

    Markus Lidstrom Stunt Coordinator

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    Just think of it this way: as bad as you have it, polygamists have it worse.
     
  8. Joe Szott

    Joe Szott Screenwriter

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    Jonathan - Let me go out on a limb here and guess that you aren't married and don't have kids. Not trying to demean you, but just explain that life tends to ahh ... shift with those two events.

    For example, when my wife and I married we both worked (she actually made more money than me.) When we started having children, she decided she wanted to stay home and care for the kids and maybe work part time (tech contract work.) There are lots of reasons for this, suffice it to say that there is no substitute for being there for your chldren, it's worth a 50% household paycut to a lot of folks. So with less income, we have to prioritize expenses. Whereas I could just buy an amp or a XBox or whatever before (money was plentiful), now it might mean that we can't buy a new dresser for our son's room, repair a car, or something similar.

    So WAF isn't neccessarily pussy whipped (though I'm sure for some guys it is just that), it's a broad term for 'something I would like, but can't justify spending the cash right now.' It doesn't mean that your wife is going to kick your balls in if you buy it, just that she isn't going to like not going out to dinner for 3 months because you bought a new subwoofer [​IMG] WAF on electronics for me tends to fall in a similar category to 'I would like to be stuck on a desert island with Nicole Kidman'; it's a nice idea (fantasy) but even if I had the ability I wouldn't choose it if it affected the woman I love negatively (I would assume that is true.)

    Anyway, don't judge until you've walked a mile in their shoes...
     
  9. Jonathan Dagmar

    Jonathan Dagmar Supporting Actor

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    no, because polygamists, the wives have no say, it's the opposite problem.

    Arggh. WHat I am talking about is the comments like these:

    "My wife would never let me put that in the livingroom"
    "I would like to have my speakers on stand away from the wall, but the boss won't let me"
    "my wife refuses to let me get a new tv unless the sound is only coming from the tv, she doesnt want any surround sound."
    "i had to get the bose speakers because my wife would't let me have anything bigger in our livingroom"

    That's the stuff I am talking about. I say, next time you wife says something like that, tell her you wont allow bath towesl in the colour she's chosen, and that you can't accept dinnerware unless it it black.
     
  10. Jonathan Dagmar

    Jonathan Dagmar Supporting Actor

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    no joe, I am not talking about money. Your sitation is very different from what I am talking about, and I would imagine your your WAF is about the same as your on personal AF. These are choices and sacricices based on practicality.

    That's not the same as what I am talking about.
     
  11. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    It's time to come to grip with this reality: The family is built around the woman. Sure, it's still a male dominated world out there, but it ain't so when you get off the streets or the corporate world and into a home.

    Equality at home is an illusion which works when things are well. It would be foolish to get married without being aware of this - IMO most people aren't.

    --
    Holadem
     
  12. Michael Reuben

    Michael Reuben Studio Mogul

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  13. MickeS

    MickeS Producer

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    Why? I don't give a rat's ass about that, there is no need to be so childish as to try and find something I can deny her, just because she has opinions about something I'm interested in. And I'm pretty sure that most of these little disputes are solved in a manner that makes both people happy.

    If the wife is unreasonable and refuses to even compromise, there are probably worse problems in that marriage anyway.

    /Mike
     
  14. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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  15. Chris Hovanic

    Chris Hovanic Supporting Actor

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    WAF to me 9 out of 10 times is a poke at humor [​IMG]

    I would also have a hard time getting WAF for a 7 foot tall sub (that looked way outa place) for my family room. Sure I think it would be super sweet but she would not.

    As for the bedding and towles and dishes... as long as they keep me warm at night, dry my a$$ off in the morning and hold my food when Im eating I could care less. There are bigger fish to fry.

    And its kinda funny that your not even maried Jonathan [​IMG]
     
  16. Jonathan Dagmar

    Jonathan Dagmar Supporting Actor

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    Thank you Ryan. I think you have a very good graps on what a happy marriage is made off. The femenist movement was well meaning, but it has been taking too far. What was meant to create equality has instead skewed everything in the opposite direction. Men are afraid to be men now, and it's quite sad really.

    I do not see why anyone would take your words as misogynistic. All you are saying is that men and women are different, we both have our strenghts and our weaknesses, and if we both stick to what we are best at, everyone can be happy.

    Since you mentioned that you and your wife both have your private "funds" that you get to use however you want, I was reminded of an epeisode of home imporvement. It may seem odd that I place so much wieght on lessons leanred from sitcoms, but quite often sitcoms do have have something to be learned...

    Anyway, Jill started working, and she opened her own bank account and put all her money from her job in that and wouldn't let tim spend it. Tim wnated to know why she got her own private money, but everything he made had to go into the joint account.

    Tim may not be the brightest bulb, but that makes sense to me.

    As for not even being married. I do not see why that is funny at all. I'm 23 years old, and live with my girlfreind, I have for the past two years. Our bedspread is a nice solid colour that we both like. Perhpas it helps that we both have an artistic eye and play close attention to asthetics, and we both love good movies. But isn't that important for a solid relationship in the first place?

    By readin what some men post here, you swear they barely know thier partners, and thier interests and outlooks on life seem to be far removed from each others...
     
  17. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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    Wow, more posts flooded in while I wrote the above. Some quick points:

     
  18. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    Ryan,

     
  19. Michael Pineo

    Michael Pineo Stunt Coordinator

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    Another thing to consider is that this just seems to be typical male bonding behavior. Any time a group of married men get together, you hear comments like this. I know plenty of guys who have very healthy relationships with their wives, but will make comments like this when in a group of men. I don't know if it is from wanting to be accepted in the group or what, but in my experience, this definitely seems to be the case.

    Also, marriage, like all relationships, is about compromise. If someone's wife decorates the livingroom and makes it look really good, and then he comes home with a 6 foot tall subwoofer and wants to stick it in the middle of it, I would expect some resistance. That resistance might be very mild, but if he doesn't get his way, he isn't going to come to the forum and say "Well, my wife and I discussed it and decided against it", he is going to say "That shrew wouldn't let me have my subwoofer!!!"

     
  20. Michael Reuben

    Michael Reuben Studio Mogul

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