Paul Padilla
Supporting Actor
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2002
- Messages
- 767
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. And if you ever experience a splash followed by a scream, bear in mind this sage advice…look before you sit!! Unless you’d rather us pee with the seat down? I didn’t think so.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do, or at least try to do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 36 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret models once in a while, don't expect us to romance you like soap opera guys.
1. Don’t complain that lingerie we like to see you wear is uncomfortable. You won’t be wearing it for long anyway.
1 If your dress size and the scale have both increased, you have your answer. Don't ask us if you’re fat.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need to ask for directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit (look it up). Champagne is a means to an end in the bedroom. There is no such thing as a mauve.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. ‘Nuff said.
1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will proceed as if nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, golf, engines or power tools.
1. If you ask us what we’re thinking about and we say “nothing”, believe it. Don’t badger us into inventing something to share with you at that moment.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Never ask us, “Is she pretty?” What we hear is, “Is she doable?” and you definitely do not want to hear a truthful answer to that.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Biology lesson:
The universe is not without its sense of irony. Chemicals are released in our bodies which make us sleepy after sex. Chemicals are released in your bodies which make you more alert and chatty after sex. Find a use for that energy. For instance, we could really use a sandwich after our nap.
1. You have enough clothes, including the ones that you “hope to fit into again some day”.
1. You have more than enough shoes, including the ones you bought for an outfit that doesn’t yet exist.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
edit-spelling corrected...because it was my own idea, not because "she" told me to.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. And if you ever experience a splash followed by a scream, bear in mind this sage advice…look before you sit!! Unless you’d rather us pee with the seat down? I didn’t think so.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do, or at least try to do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 36 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret models once in a while, don't expect us to romance you like soap opera guys.
1. Don’t complain that lingerie we like to see you wear is uncomfortable. You won’t be wearing it for long anyway.
1 If your dress size and the scale have both increased, you have your answer. Don't ask us if you’re fat.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need to ask for directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit (look it up). Champagne is a means to an end in the bedroom. There is no such thing as a mauve.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. ‘Nuff said.
1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will proceed as if nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, golf, engines or power tools.
1. If you ask us what we’re thinking about and we say “nothing”, believe it. Don’t badger us into inventing something to share with you at that moment.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Never ask us, “Is she pretty?” What we hear is, “Is she doable?” and you definitely do not want to hear a truthful answer to that.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Biology lesson:
The universe is not without its sense of irony. Chemicals are released in our bodies which make us sleepy after sex. Chemicals are released in your bodies which make you more alert and chatty after sex. Find a use for that energy. For instance, we could really use a sandwich after our nap.
1. You have enough clothes, including the ones that you “hope to fit into again some day”.
1. You have more than enough shoes, including the ones you bought for an outfit that doesn’t yet exist.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
edit-spelling corrected...because it was my own idea, not because "she" told me to.
