And yet another spoof commentary ripped out of a dvd mag and slightly modified by yours truly.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hello I’m George Lucas director of Star Wars Episode I -The Phantom Menace.
EWAN McGREGOR: I’m Ewan McGregor, I play the young Obi-Wan Kenobi, the role made famous by the late great Alec Guinness.
LIAM NEESON: I’m Liam Neeson, I play a Jedi Knight, can’t remember the name.
GEORGE LUCAS: Qui-Gon Jinn.
LIAM NEESON: Thanks George.
NATALIE PORTMAN: I’m Natalie Portman, I play Queen Amidala in the movie.
LIAM NEESON: George this opening shot...
GEORGE LUCAS: Looks great don’t it? Like it really was filmed in outer space.
LIAM NEESON: I know but its not as impressive as the previous opening shots in Star Wars, whats with these oddball aliens and the terrible accents?
GEORGE LUCAS: Erm look at these effects here guys wow!
JAKE LLOYD: Shit, I could do with a beer right now.
GEORGE LUCAS: Gaaaah!! Who’s that?
NATALIE PORTMAN: Thats little Jake LLoyd, George don’t you remember? He played the adorable little future mass murderer Anakin Skywalker.
GEORGE LUCAS: Good God, someone upgraded him.
JAKE LLOYD: Can I bum a smoke, anyone?
GEORGE LUCAS: Everyone quick look you’re missing these gorgeous effects.
AHMED BEST: Willi-Wacka-Wambo! Scoodily Doodily Doo Doo!
GEORGE LUCAS: Hahahahaha!
AHMED BEST: I’m Ahmed Best, I play Jar-Jar Binks, George loves it when I talk, it doesn’t even matter what I say, woogily-woogily wee-wee.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hahaha stop it you’re killing me!
JAKE LLOYD: Can I be in the next one George?
GEORGE LUCAS: No, in fact I’m talking to ILM about taking you out of this one!
A FAN: This is the worst movie ever!
GEORGE LUCAS: What? How did you get in here?
A FAN: You destroyed my innocence.
LIAM NEESON: Now that’s a bit overstated...
A FAN: The cherished memories of the original Star Wars movies that made my life worth living has been tarnished by this unholy abomination.
NATALIE PORTMAN: It’s not even that bad a movie.
EWAN McGREGOR: It’s better than those stupid Ewoks for fucks sake!
LIAM NEESON: And the fight at the end was top notch!
GEORGE LUCAS: The music, set design, costumes and special effects were all stunning!
AHMED BEST: Woogily woggily wa...
GEORGE LUCAS: Oh shut up Ahmed!
NATALIE PORTMAN: I watched the original trilogy a few weeks ago, at least we can act.
A FAN: Curse you George Lucas! I hate you with every ounce of my broken and disillusioned spirit! Midichlorians? What the hell, stinking, vile, pus-filled orifice did you pull that out of? You poisonous evil, rancid, wretched.....
GEORGE LUCAS: Darth Maul returns in Episode II.
A FAN: I just wet my pants.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hello I’m George Lucas director of Star Wars Episode I -The Phantom Menace.
EWAN McGREGOR: I’m Ewan McGregor, I play the young Obi-Wan Kenobi, the role made famous by the late great Alec Guinness.
LIAM NEESON: I’m Liam Neeson, I play a Jedi Knight, can’t remember the name.
GEORGE LUCAS: Qui-Gon Jinn.
LIAM NEESON: Thanks George.
NATALIE PORTMAN: I’m Natalie Portman, I play Queen Amidala in the movie.
LIAM NEESON: George this opening shot...
GEORGE LUCAS: Looks great don’t it? Like it really was filmed in outer space.
LIAM NEESON: I know but its not as impressive as the previous opening shots in Star Wars, whats with these oddball aliens and the terrible accents?
GEORGE LUCAS: Erm look at these effects here guys wow!
JAKE LLOYD: Shit, I could do with a beer right now.
GEORGE LUCAS: Gaaaah!! Who’s that?
NATALIE PORTMAN: Thats little Jake LLoyd, George don’t you remember? He played the adorable little future mass murderer Anakin Skywalker.
GEORGE LUCAS: Good God, someone upgraded him.
JAKE LLOYD: Can I bum a smoke, anyone?
GEORGE LUCAS: Everyone quick look you’re missing these gorgeous effects.
AHMED BEST: Willi-Wacka-Wambo! Scoodily Doodily Doo Doo!
GEORGE LUCAS: Hahahahaha!
AHMED BEST: I’m Ahmed Best, I play Jar-Jar Binks, George loves it when I talk, it doesn’t even matter what I say, woogily-woogily wee-wee.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hahaha stop it you’re killing me!
JAKE LLOYD: Can I be in the next one George?
GEORGE LUCAS: No, in fact I’m talking to ILM about taking you out of this one!
A FAN: This is the worst movie ever!
GEORGE LUCAS: What? How did you get in here?
A FAN: You destroyed my innocence.
LIAM NEESON: Now that’s a bit overstated...
A FAN: The cherished memories of the original Star Wars movies that made my life worth living has been tarnished by this unholy abomination.
NATALIE PORTMAN: It’s not even that bad a movie.
EWAN McGREGOR: It’s better than those stupid Ewoks for fucks sake!
LIAM NEESON: And the fight at the end was top notch!
GEORGE LUCAS: The music, set design, costumes and special effects were all stunning!
AHMED BEST: Woogily woggily wa...
GEORGE LUCAS: Oh shut up Ahmed!
NATALIE PORTMAN: I watched the original trilogy a few weeks ago, at least we can act.
A FAN: Curse you George Lucas! I hate you with every ounce of my broken and disillusioned spirit! Midichlorians? What the hell, stinking, vile, pus-filled orifice did you pull that out of? You poisonous evil, rancid, wretched.....
GEORGE LUCAS: Darth Maul returns in Episode II.
A FAN: I just wet my pants.