And yet another spoof commentary ripped out of a dvd mag and slightly modified by yours truly. GEORGE LUCAS: Hello I’m George Lucas director of Star Wars Episode I -The Phantom Menace. EWAN McGREGOR: I’m Ewan McGregor, I play the young Obi-Wan Kenobi, the role made famous by the late great Alec Guinness. LIAM NEESON: I’m Liam Neeson, I play a Jedi Knight, can’t remember the name. GEORGE LUCAS: Qui-Gon Jinn. LIAM NEESON: Thanks George. NATALIE PORTMAN: I’m Natalie Portman, I play Queen Amidala in the movie. LIAM NEESON: George this opening shot... GEORGE LUCAS: Looks great don’t it? Like it really was filmed in outer space. LIAM NEESON: I know but its not as impressive as the previous opening shots in Star Wars, whats with these oddball aliens and the terrible accents? GEORGE LUCAS: Erm look at these effects here guys wow! JAKE LLOYD: Shit, I could do with a beer right now. GEORGE LUCAS: Gaaaah!! Who’s that? NATALIE PORTMAN: Thats little Jake LLoyd, George don’t you remember? He played the adorable little future mass murderer Anakin Skywalker. GEORGE LUCAS: Good God, someone upgraded him. JAKE LLOYD: Can I bum a smoke, anyone? GEORGE LUCAS: Everyone quick look you’re missing these gorgeous effects. AHMED BEST: Willi-Wacka-Wambo! Scoodily Doodily Doo Doo! GEORGE LUCAS: Hahahahaha! AHMED BEST: I’m Ahmed Best, I play Jar-Jar Binks, George loves it when I talk, it doesn’t even matter what I say, woogily-woogily wee-wee. GEORGE LUCAS: Hahaha stop it you’re killing me! JAKE LLOYD: Can I be in the next one George? GEORGE LUCAS: No, in fact I’m talking to ILM about taking you out of this one! A FAN: This is the worst movie ever! GEORGE LUCAS: What? How did you get in here? A FAN: You destroyed my innocence. LIAM NEESON: Now that’s a bit overstated... A FAN: The cherished memories of the original Star Wars movies that made my life worth living has been tarnished by this unholy abomination. NATALIE PORTMAN: It’s not even that bad a movie. EWAN McGREGOR: It’s better than those stupid Ewoks for fucks sake! LIAM NEESON: And the fight at the end was top notch! GEORGE LUCAS: The music, set design, costumes and special effects were all stunning! AHMED BEST: Woogily woggily wa... GEORGE LUCAS: Oh shut up Ahmed! NATALIE PORTMAN: I watched the original trilogy a few weeks ago, at least we can act. A FAN: Curse you George Lucas! I hate you with every ounce of my broken and disillusioned spirit! Midichlorians? What the hell, stinking, vile, pus-filled orifice did you pull that out of? You poisonous evil, rancid, wretched..... GEORGE LUCAS: Darth Maul returns in Episode II. A FAN: I just wet my pants.