The Eternal Simpsons Quote Thread (1 Viewer)

[ZacharyA]

not sure if this is the exact quote ...
ralph: Teacher my worm crawled into my mouth and I ate it, can I get another.
Teacher: No ralph just put your head on the desk and take a nap.
ralph: Thats where I'm a viking.
I don't have the time to write down the entire Frank Grimes episode, or grimey as he liked to be know, but it deserves it.

 

[McPaul]

ahhhh...... sorry to interrupt but..... ahhhhh..... i'm on fire!
radioactive mice??!! ~~ sorry to interrupt, but aliens have taken us over using.... uhhhhh..... radioactive mice, that can, ahhhhh..... only be defeated by uhhh.... someone in a nitegown! (man, i am on tonight!)
Wait! I'm still trying to spread out!!
MUDSLIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
um.... METEORITE!!........ a meteorite just fell on me!!
"ajax you don't have to do that anymore!!"
oh.... alright!
yeah i know it's duckman but it's funny as hell!! that's my favorite-est series of Ajax-isms..... and it's on tonight!! (episode that Duckman thinks he saw his dead wife)
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[David Oliver]

Apu has come to set things right with Homer....
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.
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My DVD Collection http://www.dvdtracker.com/~tretiak.asp
Left Field Sports http://www.leftfieldsports.com

 

[GARY C]

[Homer] "You know me Marge... I like me beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals Flaaaaaming!!!"
Same ep. as above, not 100% correct, but close.
[Moe] "What about the other kid you have there, Lisa."
[Homer] "She wouldn't do it she's a vegitarian"
[Moe] "Ahh geeze Homer... geeze... what are you and Marge cousins?"
Homer from the toaster time travel ep. after he sneezes and kills all the dino's.
"This is gonna cost me."
Same skit in the episode when he arrive back and the family all has lizard tongues to eat food.
"Ahh.. close enough!"
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If you can't learn to do something right, learn to enjoy doing it poorly!

 

[Sebastian_M]

In the one where Homer is accused of sexual harrassment:
Kent Brockment - "Here we are in hour 72 of our round-the-clock Simpson watch, remember to tune tonight when we review the highlights of the day like when the mailman came, and when Marge Simpson put out the cat, possibly because it was sexually abused, we don't know."
With the Movementarians and the "free movie" :
The movie ends...
Homer: "So wait a minute, the cops knew Internal Affairs was setting them up?"
Movementarian 1: "What? Nothing like that happened at all in the movie!"
Homer: "Oh, I have a very short attention span, so when I get bored I make up my own movie."
Movmentarian 2: "When we get to Blisstonia, no one will b-"
Homer: "Hey look a bird! Heeheheheheee"
The one where Burns brings the Lochness Monster to Springfield.
Burns: "And that type of gimmick impresses people?"
Homer: "Oh yeah! And I'm not easily impressed. WOW!! A BLUE CAR!"
"Lisa don't be silly they're only make-believe, like elves, gremilns and eskimos."
The entire Max Powers episode is all classic but I can't type it all up.
Those are just a few...
Seb.
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"You what the difference between you and me is? I make this look good."

 

[Mike St.Louis]

One of my favorite supporting characters: Superintendant Chalmers.
----
Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.
Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams." That's what I call hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?
Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really. Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase, "steamed hams."
Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see.
-----
Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones the have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: [laughs] Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled. [shows Skinner the grill marks]
Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one second.
Chalmers: Of course.
---
Skinner retires to the kitchen for a second. When he walks back into the dining room, we can see that the entire kitchen is in flames.
Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --
[notes entire kitchen is on fire]
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?
At this time of year?
A this time of day?
In this part of the country?
Localized etirely within your kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.

 

[Tim Raffey]

"Outta my way, jerk-ass!"

 

[JasonK]

Great topic fella's! Here's a few more
"Let's ask a question from another student...you there, eating the paste!( points to Ralph)" - Lyle Langley answering students questions in the monorail episode
"The first 8 cd's were only a penny. Then they jacked up the price!!!!" Homer explaing to Marge an expensive bill
"Now it's illegal to broadcast courtroom proceedings in this state....so we'll have to be quiet." Kent Brockman to tv viewers trying to get in the courtroom for Freddy Quimby's trial.
"I don't think they pay us to sleep."
"Yeah, they're always trying to screw ya!!!"
-Frank Grimes to Homer, and Homer's response
"Hey jerface! You have the face of a jerk!!!!"
Bart to Jimbo Jones
"More creamed corn Jimbo Junior?"
"This creamed corn tastes like creamed crap!"
"Watch the potty mouth honey."
-Bart daydreaming about his future life as a school cook
Boy, this list could get really long. There's so many great quotes. I love this show.
Jason

 

[Andrej Dolenc]

Don't know if any of the Haloween special quotes have made it to the thread:
Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go Crazy?
Homer: DON'T MIND IF I DO!
Man, can't wait for this show to make it to DVD!
Andrej

 

[McPaul]

"Did I tell you that I was the first person in Springfield to own a radio??!! There wasn't much on the air in those days... mostly Edison reciting the alphabet over and over again..... "
"first A............ then B, he'd say........ C would usually follow........"
(old man simpson talking to sideshow bob in the bob for mayor episode)
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[Rudy R]

When homer is trying to pick up Mr.Burns mail.
Homer:"Hello my name is Mr. Burns."
Clerk:"Ok whats your first name?"
Homer:"I dont Know."

 

[ZacharyA]

bart: Hey is that someone's attractive cousin.
...
Homer watching itchy and scratchy : Take that ya stupid squirrel!
...
ralph: When I grow up I want to graduate from bovine university.
ralph: My neck hurts and my ear hurts, I have two owies.
and now for my very favorite simpson's non-quote
The begining where bart steals the change jar ala indiana jones. I'll be the first in line to snatch that DVD, ahh the memmories.

 

[George Glenn]

From one of my all time favorite Simpsons episodes:
Homer: (singing) "Call Mr. Plow, that's my name,
that name again is Mr. Plow!"
My favorite part of this episode is when Barney, aka "The Plow King" shoots out the tires of Homer's truck with a revolver.

 

[GARY C]

Another couple...
From the ep. where Homer meets his Mom.
[Abe Simpson] "Wah, wah, I'm the Lindburgh baby"
[FBI guy] "Sir, are you senile or are you trying to stall us?
[Abe Simpson] "A little from column A... a little from column B."
From the special with Troy Mclure.
"and for that to be true you would have to totally ignore the Simpson DNA evedence, and that would be foolish!"
Not exact, but close on that last one.
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If you can't learn to do something right, learn to enjoy doing it poorly!

 

[David Paymer]

Reporter: Apu, is the rumor true that you're actually Indian?
Apu : By the gods of Vishnu, that is a lie!
--------------
Manager : Well, we're going to have to change your last name to De BeauMarche.
Apu : That is an insult and an outrage to my ancestors and gods, but okay.
---------------
Apu : It may not be glamarous, but it's good, honest work.
Lady : How much is this milk?
Apu : Twelve dollars.

 

[Sebastian_M]

Here's another one from last night's ep:
Marge: "I volunteered down at the Church."
Bart: "Why would you do that?"
Marge: "Guilt, I guess."
Homer: "Volunteering is for suckers! Did you know that so called volunteers don't get paid?"
From another one of last night's eps:
Bob: "What do you want from me?"
Lisa and Bart: "The truth!!"
Bob: "You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! I have no faith in your truth handling abilities!!"
I talked about how funny the Max Power ep was in and earlier post but here's a conversation from it:
Homer: "And I want the monogram to read: M-A-X P-O-W-E-R."
Salesgirl: "Uh, sir, monograms are traditionally just your intials."
Homer:"No initials for Max Power, every letter is as important as the one that preceded it, maybe MORE important, no as important."
Trent Steele: "The man knows what he likes."
Homer: "Just taking care of business."
Trent: "If you don't who will? Trent Steele."
Homer: "Max Power."
Trent: "Hey! Great name!"
Homer: "Thanks, I got it off a hair-dryer."
Trent: "Haha, I like a man that can poke fun at himself. Hey, my one-o-clock just cancelled, have you had any lunch?"
Homer: "Yeah, but I usually have 3 or 4."
Trent: "Good, you like Thai?"
Homer: "Tie good, you like shirt?"
Eating dinner in front of the tv:
Homer: "Marge, can't we get any clear plates? I can't see the tv!"
Marge: "Why do we have to eat and watch tv at the same time? You're getting food all over the place!"
Bart: "If you wanted us to be neater, you'd feed us all from one big long bowl."
Marge: "You're talking about a trough, we're not eating out of a trough! And another thing, why are you already in your underwear? Its only 5 o-clock!"
Bart: "Hey what is this? The Ritz?"
Marge: "Hmmmm. Why can't we have a conversation? Lisa, how was school today?"
Lisa: "What? What?"
Marge: "School. School."
Lisa: "Its not time for school."
Marge: "I know its not time for school! Hmmmmm!!! I'm going into the other room to have a conversation. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome."
--Marge leaves and the rest watch tv--
Marge: "Hello Marge. How's the family?"
(Talking to herself)
Marge: "I don't want to talk about it! Mind your own business!"
Homer: "Keep it down in there you two!"
Seb.
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"You what the difference between you and me is? I make this look good."

 

[NickSo]

HwaHwa! Great thread...
TomF.: The part where the pig flies behind Mr.Burns' window, i was ROFLMAO the first time i saw it!
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Here are some i remember:
Cheif Wiggum (At the Chili Festival): Hey, Its not MY job to talk people out of killing themselves
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Homer (After he goes insane from eating Wiggum's Chili): Man, I hope I didnt Brain my Damage!
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and the one where Springfield is overrun by a cult (slipped my mind what the cult is called) that promises them "blisstonia":
(Like batman theme) Nananananana Leader, Nananananana Leader, Leader, Leader
Homer: BATMAN! I mean LEADER! I LOVE THE LEADER!!!
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Great Thread...

 

[Rick Connelly]

For all of you Pulp Fiction fans out there - From 22 Short Films About Springfield:
Lou: You know, I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night --
Wiggum: [interrupting] The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonald's. I, I never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Must've sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know, the funniest thing though; it's the little differences.
Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum: Get out! Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
Lou: Mm-hm. They call 'em, "shakes."
Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'.

 

[David Oliver]

Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!
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My DVD Collection http://www.dvdtracker.com/~tretiak.asp
Left Field Sports http://www.leftfieldsports.com

 

[Hanson]

From the prohibition episode:
Homer: (trying to find substitutes for alcohol) "How about some turpentine? Or caulk? Delicious calk." (If you sound it out, it's "how'd they get that past the censors?" funny).
From the Itchy & Scratchy Movie episode:
Homer: What were we talking about again?
Bart: You were telling me about how to get out of jury duty.
Homer: The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
From Bart vs. Australia (one of the best eps ever)
Bart: [spying a kangaroo] Hey! We can get away in their pouches.
[tries to climb in]
Ew! It's not like in cartoons.
Homer: Yeah, there's a lot more mucus.