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Testy Area 51 (1 Viewer)

Mike Frezon

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Dennis: do you believe its true that in Stradivari's day when luthiers were looking to select wood for their instruments they used to tromp into the woods and tap trees with a hammer to find resonant ones?
stradivari.jpg
 

Steve Christou

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How is everyone today? Feeling better are we? No strange urges to play the violin in the middle of the night? Good. That's fine. Well it's good that you're fine and I'm fine. We're all fine. It's great to be fine.
Mike, now that's more like it, hubba hubba!
htf_images_smilies_yum.gif

[hubba hubba? what the hell is hubba hubba? Never mind]
 

Steve Christou

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Steve: I am more than a little surprised you would be so taken by an engraving of Stradiveri.
Hehehe yeah well when you get to my age (93), even that engraving can make you drool involuntarilily [wipes keyboard], you young whippersnapper [cackles]. Sadly the photo of the nearly naked young lady had no effect on me at all [panting], here let me look at them again [takes out magnifying glass] you know she can catch a cold dressed like that, oh dang, just drooled on the monitor [breathing heavily] ooooh I think I need a long rest now [faints].
 

Steve Christou

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Yeah thats me sleeping on the wheelchair Mike. Okay I think testy needs a good dose of Monty Python to liven it up a bit.:)
TIM: To the north there lies a cave -- the cave of Kyre Banorg -- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Ulfin Bedweer of Regett [boom] proclaim the last resting place of the most Holy Grail.
ARTHUR: Where could we find this cave, O Tim?
TIM: Follow! But follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul that no man yet has fought with it and lived!
Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.
ARTHUR: What an eccentric performance.
TIM: Behold the cave of Kyre Banorg!
ARTHUR: Right! Keep me covered.
GALAHAD: What with?
ARTHUR: Just keep me covered.
TIM: Too late!
[chord]
ARTHUR: What?
TIM: There he is!
ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?
TIM: It is the rabbit!
ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: It'll do you up a treat mate!
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You mangy Scot's git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp.. he can leap about.. look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!
TIM: Look!
[squeak]
[Rabbit leaps towards Bors neck]
BORS: Aaaugh!
[chord]
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!
ROBIN: I peed again!
TIM: I warned you! But did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?
 

Steve Christou

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Not in one sitting Chris, probably take hours, but I've read chunks of it, the most entertaining thread on the HTF, if I may say so myself [lifts head up] ;) I mean where else can you read about war, sex, pubic wigs, nuclear testing and killer rabbits all in one handy, colorful thread? :D
 

Steve Christou

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Hmmm time for a bit of spanking methinks...

DINGO: Where are you going?

GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

DINGO: No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

GALAHAD: What is it?

DINGO: Oh, wicked, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which I just remembered is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail?

DINGO: Oh, wicked, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.

VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.

DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.

GIRLS: Oral sex! Oral sex!

GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.

LANCELOT: Sir Galahad!

GALAHAD: Oh, hello.

LANCELOT: Quick!

GALAHAD: What?

LANCELOT: Quick!

GALAHAD: Why?

LANCELOT: You're in great peril!

GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine!

LANCELOT: Come on!

GALAHAD: Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!

DINGO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!

GIRLS: Yes! Tackle us single-handed!

LANCELOT: No, Sir Galahad, come on!

GALAHAD: No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle this lot easily!

DINGO: Oh, yes, let him handle us easily.

GIRLS: Yes, yes!

GALAHAD: Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them!

DINGO: Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance.

GIRLS: Yes, yes.

DINGO: Shit.

[outside]

LANCELOT: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.

GALAHAD: I don't think I was.

LANCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.

GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

LANCELOT: No, it's too perilous.

GALAHAD: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?

LANCELOT: No, it's unhealthy.

GALAHAD: Bet you're gay!

LANCELOT: No, I'm not.
 

Mike Frezon

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...and maybe its time for a song:

All I Owe Iowa (Pronounced "I - O - WAY")

from "State Fair"

[William]

I can hear 'em callin' hogs in the clear Iowa air

I can sniff the fragrant whiff of an Iowa rose

[Singers]

You've got Iowa in your heart

[William]

I've got Iowa in my hair

I've got Iowa in my ears and eyes and nose

Oh I know all I owe I owe Iowa

I owe Iowa all I owe and I know why

I am Iowa born and bred

And on Iowa corn I'm fed

Not to mention barley, wheat and rye.

I owe Iowa for her ham,

And her beef, and her lamb

And her strawberry jam and her pie.

I owe Iowa more than I can ever pay

So I think I'll move to Californ-eye-a.

[Singers]

What a shame!

[Girl]

What a shame.

[Singers]

What a shame!

[Girl]

What a shame.

[Singers]

You'll be good and gosh darn sorry when you go.

[William]

And don't I know.

[Girl]

When you leave your native state

You'll be feeling far from great.

You'll be good and gosh darn sorry when you go.

[William]

I'm a seed of Iowa grain.

[Girl}

You're a breeze that Iowa blue.

[William]

I'm a drop of Iowa rain

[Girl and Singers]

You're a drip of Iowa dew.

[Girl]

Oh I know all I owe I owe Iowa

I owe Iowa all I owe and I know why

I am Iowa born and bred

And on Iowa corn I'm fed

Not to mention barley, wheat and rye.

I owe Iowa for her ham,

And her beef, and her lamb

[Charles]

And her strawberry jam

[Other Girl]

And her pie.

[Charles]

I owe Iowa more than anyone should owe

So I think I'll start an O in Idaho.

[All]

What a shame!

[Charles]

What a shame

[All]

What a shame!

[Charles]

What a shame

[All]

You'll be crying like a baby when you go

[Charles]

Don't I know!

When I leave my native heath

With my lip between my teeth

I'll be bawling like a booby when I go.

[Girl]

You're a seed of Iowa grain

You're a breeze that Iowa blue.

[Mr. Heppenstall]

I'm a drop of Iowa rain

[Mrs. Heppenstall]

You're a drip of Iowa dew.

[All]

Oh I know all I owe I owe Iowa

I owe Iowa all I owe and I know why

I am Iowa born and bred

And on Iowa corn I'm fed

Not to mention barley, wheat and rye.

I owe Iowa for her ham,

And her beef, and her lamb

And her strawberry jam and her pie.

I owe Iowa more than anyone should owe

So I think I'll start an O in Idaho.

There's a shame.

There's a shame.

You'll be good and gosh darn sorry when you go.

And don't I know.

When you leave your native state

You'll be feeling far from great.

You'll be good and gosh darn sorry when you go.

I owe Iowa for her ham,

And her beef, and her lamb

And her strawberry jam and her pie.

I owe Iowa more than I can ever pay So I think I'll move to Californ-eye-a.

I - O - W

I - O - W

I - O - W

I - O - W

A!

HURRAY!

Iowa!

Yay!
 

Parker Clack

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And while we are in an Iowa mode - time to get out the musicals...

Oh, there's nothing halfway

about the Iowa way to treat you

when we treat you

which we may not do at all.

There's an Iowa kind of special

chip-on-the-shoulder attitude

We've never been without

that we recall

We can be cold as a falling

thermometer in December

if you ask about our weather in July

And we're so by-God stubborn

we can stand touchin' noses

for a week at a time

and never see eye-to-eye.

But what the heck, you're welcome

Join us at the picnic

You can have your fill

Of all the food you bring yourself.

You really ought to give Iowa a try.

(Provided you are contrary.)

We can be cold a our falling

thermometer in December

if you ask about our weather in July

And we're so By-God stubborn

we can stand touchin' noses

for a week at a time

and never see eye-to-eye.

But, we'll give you our shirt

And a back to go with it

If your crops should happen to die

So what the heck, you're welcome

Glad to have you with us

Even though we may not ever mention it again

You really ought to give Iowa a try.

Hawkeye

DuBuque

Des Moines

Davenport

Marshalltown

Mason City

Keokuk

Ames

Clear Lake

Ought to give Iowa a try.
 

Steve Christou

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What in the wide wide world of sports is a-going on here?
Mad-as-a-hatter illusionist David Blaine is starving himself in a plastic cage hanging next to Tower Bridge for chrissakes!! And you're all singing about... Iowa?!!
C'mon my droogs lets all go pay him a visit, lend him our support. I'll get the eggs, Parker the sausages, Dennis get your violin ready, Mike bring that large poster of Sean Connery as Zed. I'll get a megaphone and Jack can read out the entire script to Zardoz for him, should cheer Blaine up no end.:D
 

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