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Teenage telephone troubles (1 Viewer)

Patrick Sun

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The explosion of cell phone use has always made me scratch my head in wondering why people feel the urge/need to talk so much on the phone (metered or not). It's like I wonder if people use the phone has a crutch for their decision-making and to evaluate their feelings on topics, instead of coming to their own conclusions and being more independent in their thinking. (I'm talking about people who manage to talk 4-6 hours a day on the phone when 4-6 minutes would suffice).
 

Garrett Lundy

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Just get a second phone line, with one of those "unlimited" ocal & long distance plans for them. And then give them the bill every month.

Worked for my teenager. :)

As an added bonus, she wont leave her room. its like I'm single all over again! :emoji_thumbsup:
 

DaveF

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So, what is the real problem? Dave doesn't get his calls, so that's an issue, but what else? Are the girls failing their classes because they're always talking and not studying? Are they not involved in extra-curricular activities? Are they not working part-time? How is this phone issue affecting life negatively?

If this is a minor character defect on otherwise good teenagers, then find a simple solution.

I echo Garrett's recomendation: second line, they pay for it. They can pay in teh currency of your choice: cash, good grades, housework, helping old ladies at the church.

Or, second line and new phone: it's their collective birthday presents! And they can fight each other over phone useage. :) You get your phone calls. They think you're the best dad in the world. And no authority crisis.
 

Kyle McKnight

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I'd suggest another phone line for them too. I got my own line as a gift when I started middle school. Never again was I on my parents phone line.
 

todbnla

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I have considered this for a long time, looks like it might be time.


BTW-How many that have chimed in here actually have more than one teenage girl between 14-16? If you don't have more than one, you can't imagine the phone traffic and not just boys :frowning:

By Spoil them I mean: Cable tv in their room, phone in their room, computer access, video games, stereo's, ballet, dance team. All the stuff I never had when I was growing up, nothing out the norm for todays kids. No car.

When I was a kid posters, a few records, and some old games were it, tv was 4-6 channels max with rabbit ears. And I only in my 40's.
 

Citizen87645

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I'd like to see whether there is a correlation between phone usage and discomfort spending time alone.

Second phone line sounds like the best solution, with them contributing funds.
 

Leila Dougan

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I know, but why?

I only moved out of my parent's house 7 years ago. I didn't get a phone in my room until I was 16, so I only had a it a year before I left. No TV in my room. I had a small boombox, but no large stereo. We had a family computer and it sat in the dining room. You'd be amazed at how well kids will keep themselves in check if they know that the whole family can see the websites they go to, the IMs they write, and the phone conversations they have. I did many extracurricular activities but did a lot of fundraisers to help pay for that. BTW, my brother is 18 and still lives at home - still only one computer in the living room and one phone line to be shared by all. His downfall is internet gaming (via dialup), not so much talking to friends, but the phone line implications are the same.

My parents had very little growing up and wanted me to have a lot as well -- but they didn't want to spoil me. They are quite well off so not giving me those things was not a function of affordability, it was a teaching aid. And I can tell you that it worked wonders. As much as I didn't understand it at the time now, a few years later, I see the light and am grateful for it.
 

LanieParker

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I didn't have a tv, a phone or a radio in my room growing up. There were times I felt sort of left out because all my friends had those things, but honestly I was more active then most of my friends, because I didn't sit around watching tv or talking on the phone. We had rules about phone usage and I did have a little walkman to keep me happy.

I have two girls (5 and 7). I will not allow a tv or phone in their rooms when they are teens. We have a family tv and they have one in their playroom (dvd's and nintendo only). They share my computer, which is in our office.I have no issues with giving them a radio or cd player in their room as music is a big part of our family. When they are older I will get them a nice cd player for their rooms. They just recently got their own discmans, which they love!

Just make sure that you as the parent set the limits on what is acceptable and what isn't. If you feel they are talking to much on the phone, find another activity for them. My biggest thing is... if kids have too much free time on their hands they get in trouble. Don't overwhelm them but find a balance. If they are on the phone all hours of the day/night I would be worried that they aren't doing homework or getting important things done.
 

Seth--L

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I'm surprised this is such a problem in the age of AOL IM (and other instant message programs). When I graduated high school 4 years ago, I felt that most teenagers were moving away from talking on the phone to talking on IM. Cell phones were primarily used outside of the home.
 

Ted Lee

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i agree with dave. if the kids are pretty good in all other aspects of their lives...except for the phone issue...then consider yourself *very* lucky. i have twin nine year olds...and i thank god everyday that they're not girls. :D

an extra phone line for them has one other side-benefit. they may end up duking it out with eachother for phone time. this may make them realize that they shouldn't have been tying up your phone the whole time.

---

but i will say i mostly agree with those who have said that you need to set your foot down. being a parent isn't easy, but if you don't let them know who is in charge, then that's just ridiculous. although, at your girls age ... i feel it's already too late.
 

Malcolm R

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Given what DaveNel has described, I'd imagine if he added a second line that would just enable both girls to be on the phone at the same time. The girls know there will be no serious or lasting consequences regardless of their selfish behavior, so they'll quickly move to take over both lines.


That's the Million Dollar Question. Too many parents today let their kids run the household.
 

Moe Maishlish

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Admittedly, I've never been married, never had kids (I'm 29)... so if it sounds like I'm talking out of my ass, then I apologize...

BUT

I have two younger sisters, and growing up with them in my household was a hell of an eye-opener.

Now, I have never been a "phone person". I absolutely despise talking on the phone. Phone's for me have one purpose - conveying a message, and then done... Bye! It's like that episode of Family Guy when Peter goes to the Female Sensitivity camp, and effectively becomes a woman. He calls Quagmire while taking a bath, and Quagmire quickly hangs up on him when he realizes that Peter called for no reason whatsoever.

But I digress...

I've seen a lot of shitty kids, both in my childhood and now that I'm in my young-adult years. I've found that, more often than not, shitty kids are a direct result of shitty parents. As a general rule, I believe that any extremes in parenting are not good, be it spoiling the child rotten, or neglecting their needs (emotional, financial, social, etc.). I think the major trick here is to realize that we ARE dealing with children, and we need to take a step back and ask ourselves if what we're doing is being done to teach the kids a "lesson", or to assert our dominant status as a parent/adult. Remember, regardless of how we deal with them, they are going to learn from the experience and adjust their attitudes to reflect a suitable response. Just because we're older, doesn't mean that the decisions we make are correct...

In this case, I really don't think that depriving the girls of a phone is going to accomplish anything other than making them bitter, angry, and desperate to find another phone to use. NOT good. If it means getting them another phone line, and telling them that now your personal line is off limits, then you're making a compromise that's not entirely unfair. If that compromise is then taken for granted, I would think that it's at THAT point that more stern steps would need to be taken.

But then, I'm not a parent, so what the hell do I know?

Moe.
 

Andrew_Sch

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Why not try to come up with a solution that works for everyone? I think an extra phone line or a prepaid cell phone that they pay for is a great, fair idea; much better than trying to take away the phone entirely, which will only antagonize the daughters and make them hate you and do more to make your life miserable. I know they've shown a lack of respect with the call waiting issue and all, but the way to get their respect isn't by disrespecting them.

In fact, reading this thread has made me EXTREMELY grateful (not that I wasn't already) that I have such wonderful, generous, loving parents, who understand and accept my needs and desires and do their best to see that I'm taken care of. Ever since I reached my teenage years, and maybe even earlier than that, I've always considered my parents as friends first, authority figures second, and I think that feeling is mutual. They've always been very generous to me in terms of money and paying for things like high-speed internet (which my dad also uses pretty frequently), car insurance (I don't have my own car, BTW) and the like, and I in turn have made it a goal in my life never to do anything that would disappoint them. I've never drank or done drugs, and I'm an outstanding student (4.0 first semester at University of Maryland) and it's all because of my parents and how they've raised me with love and respect. It certainly isn't just the money though. They treat me like an adult (I'm 19 now, but I'd say this has been going on for a while), always respecting my opinions, thoughts, and desires, and for that reason I feel there is really nothing about which I can't talk to them or go to them for advice.

Think about it: If you treat your kids life serfs, are they really going to give a crap about betraying your trust or not living up to your expectations? I doubt it, and I can't really say I'd blame them. Treat them with love, respect, understanding, and a little generosity here and there, though, and that will go a long way toward not only establishing healthy parent-child relationships, but giving the kids good reason never to disappoint or disrespect you.
 

Markus Lidstrom

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Have you tried spending time with your kids, sitting down and talking about the problem and trying to find a resolution? Then hitting them?
 

Ricardo C

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Have you read the discussion at all? It is his excessive permisiveness that has led to this situation. He's shown more than "a little generosity here and there", and it's not exactly working.

Dave:

While I think a second line could be a good compromise, installing one right away will only further convince your kids that they have the upper hand. I would disconnect the phone for a full month, and only then, after they've realized that their actions do indeed have consequences, would I have the second like installed. Any further violations, and the phone-less periods would increase exponentially.
 

Seth_L

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No it's not. A land line when disconnected will have no dial tone, and as such can't call 911. A cell phone without service can call 911, but not a home line.
 

DaveF

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My experience is that a normal land line, previously connected, will have 911 service after the phone service is terminated. This was the case in my former apartment last summer.

However, a phone line which has never been serviced by the phone company will have no dial tone at all. This is the case in my current house.


Out of curiosity: what is your wife's role in this, Dave?
 

JoshGivens

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If you are unable to find a way to get your children off of the phone then I'm afraid that it's probably too late. If you don't have enough control over your kids so that they will obey your rules by this age your not going to get it until they get older (past the age of thinking their parents are morons). Going behind their backs to block numbers is only going to make them mad and probably escalate the situation that you're already in.

If it were my parents when I was a kid there would have been punishment for not doing what I was told. Ranging from no phone or no activities to getting my butt busted (until I was older and this didn't work anymore).

Get serious with your efforts to get them off of the phone or quit trying.

Sorry to be so brash about it but that's the way it is.
 

Tony Whalen

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Also couldn't agree more.

Dave, time to put your foot down. Period.

Place limits. If the limits are exceeded, remove the phones from their rooms. Don't just take the phones away. Put in blank plates, or even snip the wires if necessary.

You are the parent. Whether they are 16 or 6. Your house, your rules. It's not disrespectful, nor "starting a war". If they don't like it, that's just too damn bad.

Not willing to go that far? Then get a second line, WITHOUT call waiting, for them and them alone. They pay for it. Plus, because there isn't call-waiting on the line, they learn to SHARE it. However, I think what Malcolm said in this regard is a serious possibility; that the girls will move to take over BOTH lines.

The only other possibility is get them pay-as-you-go phones, and cut the land-lines to their rooms.

I'd honestly say those are your only options. Going behind their backs and finding a technical work-around is just going to make them resent you once they figure it out, which won't take long.
 

Elinor

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>"Given what DaveNel has described, I'd imagine if he added a second line that would just enable both girls to be on the phone at the same time. The girls know there will be no serious or lasting consequences regardless of their selfish behavior, so they'll quickly move to take over both lines."

Malcolm nailed this one right on the head.

Set a limit. Enforce it with privilege removal.

Kids despise parents who can't stand up to them.

And they learn bad, bad life lessons.
 

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