Steve's 2000 Post Rave-Up Thingy

Steve Christou

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Wahay 2000 Posts, can't believe it! 2000 informative educational posteroonies, its a miracle.

I know to some members 2000 posts is only a few weeks splurge of activity, take a bow Patrick Sun, but for me its a strain on my feet....
When I accidently joined the HTF way back in April 2000 I only intended to post once and that was "Ok since I'm here which one of you twits can tell me whens them Star Wars movies out on DVD than?", which was to be followed by "How are the women round here anyway?", but something strange happened I liked the place, hmmm I can stay here awhile I thought, see how long I can last before they kick me out, well 2000 posts later and I'm still here...
And as a thank you to all the members and staff of the HTF I present The Tale of Sir Lancelot from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, enjoy.

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
HERBERT: What, the curtains?
FATHER: No, not the curtains, lad. All that you can see!
Stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be
your kingdom, lad!
HERBERT: But, Mother--
FATHER: Father, I'm Father.
HERBERT: But Father, I don't want any of that.
FATHER: Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing.
When I started here, all there was was swamp. The king said I was
daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same,
just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second
one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That
burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth
one stayed up. An' that's what your gonna get, lad -- the strongest
castle in these islands.
HERBERT: But I don't want any of that -- I'd rather--
FATHER: Rather what?!
HERBERT: I'd rather... just... " controls controlslist="nodownload" style="width:400px;height:100px;">" controls controlslist="nodownload" style="width:400px;height:100px;">
 

SteveGon

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Hi Steve. Hope you don't mind, but while you were typing all that, I snuck in your bedroom window and had a little tryst with your girlfriend. And all that time, you probably thought she was crying out for you! Ah, sweet Sandra!
 

Jeff_A

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Congratulations on your milestone, Steve-o! You're one of the big reasons I find this place so enjoyable. For that, I thank you.

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The Dark Tower

Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)?
 

Steve Christou

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Thanks for that Jeff.

PatSun, Evil Hand is having a nap at the moment, Evil had a hand in quite a few of my After Hours and Polls posts, very handy.

SteveGon, you know "She who must be obeyed" has a French workmate that looks exactly like Emmanuelle Beart, and she is a very tasty dish indeed, and quite naughty too, hmmmmm.
 

Henry Carmona

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Congrats Steevo
umm..thats all i can say
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Bruce Hedtke

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Leave it up to Steve to inject some comic genius into his milestone post. Oh, and the Monty Python bit was funny too

Bruce
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Welcome aboard the Satellite of Love
 

Steve Christou

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Thanks guys.
Eric I thought a good slice of Python might be enough to bribe the mods into turning a blind eye at my occasional lapses of good taste.
And just for good measure here is more Python....
[Oh you're such a crawler Steve]
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
[clang] Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one -- nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing -- here's your nine pence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
MORTICIAN: Here -- he says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
MORTICIAN: He isn't.
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment.
MORTICIAN: Oh, I can't take him like that -- it's against
regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go in the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
MORTICIAN: I can't take him...
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!
CUSTOMER: Oh, do us a favor...
MORTICIAN: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He
won't be long.
MORTICIAN: Naaah, I got to go on to the Robinson's -- they've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when is your next round?
MORTICIAN: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: I feel happy... I feel happy...
[whop]
CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
MORTICIAN: Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER: Right.
[clop clop]
MORTICIAN: Who's that then?
CUSTOMER: I don't know.
MORTICIAN: Must be a king.
CUSTOMER: Why?
MORTICIAN: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Scene3.
ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the
behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am ARTHUR, King of the
Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an
autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We
take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
 

Rain

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Congrats on the milestone.
Of course, I haven't understood one single thing you've posted, but that's ok.

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Jay H

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Congratulations... I have enjoyed your "educational" posts and the Python humor as well

Jay
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HUGBEES!
Certified HTF bike nut and mayor of
Obscuria.
 

Steve Christou

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Actually this whole thread was an excuse to post chunks of Monty Python, the 2000 post rave-up thingy is pretty meaningless ...like all my posts!

JUDEA A.D.33 SATURDAY AFTERNOON ABOUT TEA TIME
JESUS: How blessed are the sorrowful; they shall find consolation. How blessed are those of gentle spirit; they shall have the earth for their possession. How blessed are those who hunger, and thirst to see right prevail; They shall be satisfied...
BRIAN'S MUM: Speak up!
BRIAN: Sshhh. Quiet mum.
BRIAN'S MUM: Well I can't hear a thing. Let's go to the stoning.
BIGNOSE: Sshhh!
BRIAN: You can go to the stoning any time.
BRIAN'S MUM: Oh come on Brian.
BIGNOSE: Will you be quiet!
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Don't pick yer nose.
BIGNOSE: I wasn't picking it!
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: You was picking it... while you was talking to that lady.
BIGNOSE: I wasn't.
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Leave it alone. Give it a rest.
MAN: Do you mind? I can't hear a word he's saying.
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Don't you 'Do you mind' me. I was talking to my husband.
MAN: Well go and talk to him somewhere else... I can't hear a bloody thing.
BIGNOSE: Don't you swear at my wife.
MAN: I was only asking her to shut up so I could hear what he was saying, Bignose.
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Don't you call my husband Bignose.
MAN: Well he has got a big nose.
JEW: Could you be quiet please? What was that?
MAN: I don't know... I was too busy talking to bignose.
MAN: I think it was 'Blessed are the cheese-makers'.
JEW'S WIFE: Ah. What's so special about the cheese-makers?
JEW: Well obviously it's not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
MAN: See. If you hadn't been going on, we'd have heard that, Bignose.
BIGNOSE: Hey. Say that once more, I'll smash your bloody face in.
MAN: Better keep listening. There might be a bit about blessed are the bignoses.
BRIAN: Oh lay off him.
MAN: Well you're not so bad yourself, conk-face. Where are you two from? Nose city?
BIGNOSE: One more time, mate. I'll take you to the fuckin' cleaners.
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Language... and don't pick your nose.
BIGNOSE: I wasn't going to pick my nose, I was going to thump him.
MAN: Hear that? Blessed are the Greek.
JEW: The Greek?
MAN: Well apparently, he's going to inherit the earth.
JEW: Did anyone catch his name?
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: You're not going to thump anybody.
BIGNOSE: I'll thump him if he calls me bignose again.
MAN: Oh shut up Bignose.
BIGNOSE: Ah. All right. I warned you. I really will slug you so hard...
BIGNOSE'S WIFE: Oh it's the Meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh that's nice isn't it. I'm glad they're getting something 'cause they have a hell of a time.
MAN: Listen. I'm only telling the truth... you have got a very big nose.
BIGNOSE: Hey. Your nose is gonna be 3ft wide across your face by the time I've finished with you.
JEW: Sshhh.
MAN: Who hit yours then? Goliath's big brother?
BIGNOSE: Oh. Right. That's your last warning
JEW'S WIFE: Oh do pipe down. [She suddenly gets punched in the face by Bignose!!] OOOH!
[A fight breaks out]
BRIAN'S MUM: Oh come on...let's go to the stoning....
[Edited last by Steve Christou on November 05, 2001 at 05:21 PM]
 

Steve Christou

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You guys are too kind really, erm did I mention I like Monty Python?
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
BEDEVERE: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: .....I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B'... 'cause they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck!.
CROWD: Ooooh!.
BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales!
[yelling]
BEDEVERE: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn her!
THIS POST DEDICATED TO MY BABY SANDRA.
 

Bob McLaughlin

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Congrats, you crazy Limey!
Here's to the next 2,000 posts!
 

Brian Harnish

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Congrats, Steve! Perhaps I should start my posting spree and begin posting a lot so *I* can reach 2,000

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