I'm a big fan of The Onion and every once in awhile, I get an itch to write my own articles. Here's one I dashed off today: George Lucas Scraps Episode III George Lucas, the creative force behind the wildly popular Star Wars films, has permanently halted production on the third chapter of his much-beloved series. Citing extreme frustration caused by constant fanboy whining and nitpicking, Lucas decided to pull the plug on what would have been the final installment of his six-part saga. "I used to blow it off," he explained, "But they just never stop. They complain about Jake, they complain about Jar-Jar, they complain about Greedo shooting first. Well, I woke up this morning and said to hell with it." Lucas made final his decision by burning the only extant copies of the Episode III screenplay. "Those pathetic little nerds can watch friggin' Star Trek for all I care." stated the exasperated director while warming his hands over the blazing scripts. "They can all just pucker up and kiss my obscenely-rich ass." Candlelight vigils were immediately organized by Star Wars fan clubs around the world. "George can't do this to us," said Kenny Dorklin of Toledo, Ohio. "He owes it to us to finish the series. We want to see Anakin turn evil and wipe out the other Jedi Knights. It's what we've been waiting for all our lives." Lucas countered such protests by suggesting that Star Wars fans turn their attention to actor Richard Hatch and his ongoing crusade to revive the television series Battlestar Galactica. "Don't you want to see those poor bastards reach Earth?" he asked. "I know I do." After a brief vacation, Lucas plans on producing and directing Radioland Murders 2. -------------------------------------------- Just for the record, I do like Star Wars.