Star Wars satire!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by SteveGon, Jun 30, 2002.

  1. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    I'm a big fan of The Onion and every once in awhile, I get an itch to write my own articles. Here's one I dashed off today:
    George Lucas Scraps Episode III
    George Lucas, the creative force behind the wildly popular Star Wars films, has permanently halted production on the third chapter of his much-beloved series. Citing extreme frustration caused by constant fanboy whining and nitpicking, Lucas decided to pull the plug on what would have been the final installment of his six-part saga. "I used to blow it off," he explained, "But they just never stop. They complain about Jake, they complain about Jar-Jar, they complain about Greedo shooting first. Well, I woke up this morning and said to hell with it." Lucas made final his decision by burning the only extant copies of the Episode III screenplay. "Those pathetic little nerds can watch friggin' Star Trek for all I care." stated the exasperated director while warming his hands over the blazing scripts. "They can all just pucker up and kiss my obscenely-rich ass."
    Candlelight vigils were immediately organized by Star Wars fan clubs around the world. "George can't do this to us," said Kenny Dorklin of Toledo, Ohio. "He owes it to us to finish the series. We want to see Anakin turn evil and wipe out the other Jedi Knights. It's what we've been waiting for all our lives." Lucas countered such protests by suggesting that Star Wars fans turn their attention to actor Richard Hatch and his ongoing crusade to revive the television series Battlestar Galactica. "Don't you want to see those poor bastards reach Earth?" he asked. "I know I do."
    After a brief vacation, Lucas plans on producing and directing Radioland Murders 2.
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    Just for the record, I do like Star Wars. [​IMG]
     
  2. Steeve Bergeron

    Steeve Bergeron Cinematographer

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    I know some people here that would like to see that really happen! [​IMG]
     
  3. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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  4. Mike Hutman

    Mike Hutman Supporting Actor

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    Steve how could you say no doubt, You and I both know we will see Episode III on opening day. Just like we did with Episode I and II.
     
  5. Jason Whyte

    Jason Whyte Screenwriter

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    "He owes it to us to finish the series. We want to see Anakin turn evil and wipe out the other Jedi Knights. It's what we've been waiting for all our lives."
    The sad thing is I have actually heard real people say this. [​IMG]
    Jason
     
  6. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    Mikey, you know I meant other people! Of course I'll be there on opening day for Episode III. Can't wait to see Anakin kick Jedi ass. [​IMG]
     
  7. Mike Hutman

    Mike Hutman Supporting Actor

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    Hell yeah!![​IMG]
     
  8. Ben Motley

    Ben Motley Supporting Actor

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    Off topic - I saw a great new hardback today collecting the original novel and the two sequels adaptaions. It looks awesome! It's pretty impressive, being very thick and weighty, which you can't really see by the pic. The cover is also a very slick glossy black, not flat as it looks in the pic. I know you can pick up the paperbacks a dime a dozen at second hand stores, but for anyone who needs a nice "show-off" hardback copy, here ya go. [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    Had a date of July '02, so get out there and get your first printing. I think this may be the first official hardback collection of the three? Maybe not.
     
  9. Joseph Bolus

    Joseph Bolus Cinematographer

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