Splitting household chores with your SO.

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Jason Co, Sep 6, 2002.

  1. Jason Co

    Jason Co Second Unit

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    Have any of the married guys out there had any serious issues with their wives about helping around the house? The reason I bring this up is that I had a recent "disagreement" with my wife the other day about helping around the house. We have 2 kids (4 year old daughter, 8 month old son) and both of us work full time. It seems like there is always non stop work to do around the house. Come home from work eat dinner, play with the kids, clean the damn house until bed time. I really can't stand doing house work, but I know it has to be done. I, like most men seem to be oblivious to when things really need to be done around the house. I know i have to do my part because my wife also works and I am sure she is not fired up about doing housework either. Any married people (men or women) have agood plan of attack to figure this mess out?

    I feel bettter,
    Jason
     
  2. Danny R

    Danny R Supporting Actor

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    First thing is to make certain you both know what the expectations are. My wife and I argued early in our marriage about cleaning, mostly because she had a very high standard (everything almost sterile) and I didn't mind a layer of dust. Its fair that the person with the higher standards does a bit more, but not overly so.

    Assign specific tasks to each person, and both of you agree on when those tasks will be done each week. Do NOT break your agreement and not do things when you say you will! Make certain that you both know and agree when the "down" time for relaxation is, so that the other doesn't try pushing some chore during this time.

    Don't put things off, and since you both work, make certain each of you has an equal share.
     
  3. James Lehtinen

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    I am not "yet" married, but we have done everything but the official ceremony. The only thing I have to remember is to keep the bath tub clean... at least that is the only thing she has ever complained about and then she teases me about how clean I keep the H/T equipment and living room [​IMG]
    I swear that I am just free entertainment for her at times but since she has tolerated my hair-brained ideas for the past 5 years, it is worth my while to keep the tub clean [​IMG]
    j.
     
  4. Vlad D

    Vlad D Screenwriter

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    I have to agree with Danny. You have to assign specific tasks. I usually sweep and mop downstairs, she does the bathrooms, we share the bedrooms, etc. I hate to clean, and to make matters worse my wife also hates to clean. But we know that we have to share the chores, because we both work full-time. My problem is that I procrastinate which gets me in trouble.

    So agree on standards, assign tasks, set a schedule and stick to it.
     
  5. Greg Rowe

    Greg Rowe Stunt Coordinator

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    I just got married but my wife and I have been living together for > 1 year. We both like things rather tidy. We both work full time, and we both takes classes part time (Masters - yuck!). With out any real discussion we seperated our "duties".

    Me:
    wash dishes
    clean kitchen
    help put away laundry

    Wife:
    put away dishes after they dry on their own
    clean bathrooms
    laundry

    Either of us will vaccum and/or pick up stuff. It works out very well for us. Sometimes with classes we both slack off because we are too busy to clean.

    Greg
     
  6. John Gates

    John Gates Second Unit

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    Jason,

    Is it a financial necessity for both of you to work full-time? Besides what has already been suggested, an alternative might be to plan for one of you to reduce work hours to part-time. This has produced HUGE benefits for my family, though certain financial sacrifices have been made for sure.

    John G
     
  7. Jason Co

    Jason Co Second Unit

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    John,
    I would love to be able to tell my wife she doesn't have to work. The only problem is that this would severely cut into my HT budget (trying to buy an svs sub [​IMG] ). Just kidding. I think you guys are right on the money as far as a list is concerned. That would spell things out for me pretty well. She always offers to do stuff around the house and I have fallen into the trap of letting her do it. every month or so I get pasted with the old you don't do enough around the house speech. It has sort of become a ritual. I think if we make a list, and stick to it that might solve some problems. Why do I feel all the guys should be sitting around a campfire beating a drum and telling these stories? Ahh the feeling will pass....I hope.
    Jason
     
  8. James Lehtinen

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  9. Ron-P

    Ron-P Producer

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    We made sure that when kids came into the picture, she would be a stay at home mom. Because she does not work, she does all the house work, cleaning, cooking and 'honey do's', that's her job. Our 5 year old daughter just started Kindergarten so she does everything while she is in school.
    If at all possible, have her go part-time or quit for a while. I could not imagine how stressful it would be having kids and both parents working full time.
    Peace Out~[​IMG]
     
  10. JasenP

    JasenP Screenwriter

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    My girlfriend and I have a simple rule that we follow strictly.

    "If you see that it needs to be done, do it."

    I get home before her so I straighten up the living room, do the dishes and start dinner. On the weekends we do the major housecleaning together and it works out pretty well for us.
     
  11. Mike I

    Mike I Supporting Actor

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    My wife retired from teaching until the our youngest was was in 7th grade before she went back so the cleaning was not an issue although I still did all the outside work..After she went back we did not want to spend all our free time cleaning..It just created stress and less time with the kids and each other..Get a cleaning lady to come in once a week..Yea its a little pricey, usually around 60 to 70 a week for the average size house but money well spent...If you do go that way, find a private person working for themselves..Stay away from the big cleaning companies (ie MaryMaids or what ever), they do a crummy job and overcharge...
     
  12. Carl Miller

    Carl Miller Screenwriter

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    My wife and I just do the general weekly type house cleaning things together like vacuuming, dusting and laundry...and split the daily tasks. I do garbage and lawn care, she does dishes and most of the cooking.

    Now that they're old enough, our kids are pitching in and earning their allowances. Something to look forward to Jason, but really just a meager compensation for the "I've got two teenagers in my house" blues.
     
  13. JoshF

    JoshF Supporting Actor

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    I'm pretty clean so I tend to do the regular maintenance, which I don't mind. I kinda like cleaning. My girlfriend (I've lived with her for two years) likes to cook, though, and she's pretty much an amazing chef, so I tend to be her seus chef - I go to the market after work and pick up the supplies, and she makes magic.

    She cooks, I do the dishes. We have a "cleaning day" every month in which we do hardcore cleaning. She does the bathroom & kitchen, I do the floors. We each do our own laundry.
     
  14. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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  15. James Lehtinen

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  16. Jason Co

    Jason Co Second Unit

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    Hey!!! Who changed the name of my thread??? I promised my wife that the name I picked would be the one everyone would read. Man, she is gonna kill me.

    Just kidding.

    J
     
  17. MickeS

    MickeS Producer

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    I love how most men, including me, refer to doing household chores as "helping" around the house. [​IMG]
    I have a similar "arrangement" as Greg Rowe above, I do dishes, vacuum, clean the kitchen and take care of pet-related cleaning, while my wife cooks, does the laundry, pays the bills, cleans and dusst. It works pretty good, IMO.
    We don't have kids, but 4 pets probably equal at least half a child, so I sort of know how you feel... but hey, that's life. The alternative is to live like I used to live when I was single, in a pigstie. [​IMG] I'm not sure it's better.
     
  18. AllanN

    AllanN Supporting Actor

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  19. Alex-C

    Alex-C Screenwriter

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    My wife and I attack the household chores together. We are on the same team and each of us makes a concerted effort to share the work. Its really the best way; I mean for our relationship.
     
  20. Max Knight

    Max Knight Supporting Actor

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    My wife and I have a rather informal split of household duties. Rather than split up specific tasks, they break down in terms of the area/function involved.

    If it's smelly (taking out garbage, cleaning out the fridge, etc.) I do it.

    If it's not as smelly (doing laundry, cleaning the tub) she does it.

    If it's in the "theater" part of the living room, I do it.

    If it's in the non theater part of the living room, she does it.

    If she has cooked dinner, I clean the kitchen. If I cooked dinner, I usually still clean the kitchen because I can't stand the thought of a dirty kitchen and usually start before she can! I also find scrubbing the stainless steel cookware mirror-clean rather relaxing. I know, I'm a freak.
     

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