Some more Episode I humor from a frustrated screenwriter

RicP

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Here's a scene from the version of The Empire Strikes Back that will be inserted back into the DVD release.
Code:
       INT. BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER
       A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is 
       backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A 
       quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand!  It goes 
       spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. 
       He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but 
       straight down.
                           VADER
                 Obi Wan never told you what happened 
                 to your father.
                           LUKE
                 He told me enough! He told me you 
                 killed him!
                           VADER
                 No... I am your father!
                           LUKE
                 No, That's not true! That's 
                 impossible.
                           VADER
                 Search your feelings... you know it to 
                 be true...
                           LUKE
                 No!
                           VADER
                 Yes, it is true... and you know what 
                 else? You know that protocol droid of 
                 yours?
                           LUKE
                 Threepio?
                           VADER
                 Yes... Threepio... I built him... when 
                 I was 7 years old...
                           LUKE
                 No...
                           VADER
                 Seven years old! And what have you 
                 done? Look at yourself...
                 No hand, no job, and couldn't even 
                 levitate your own ship out of a 
                 swamp...
                           LUKE
                 I destroyed your precious Death Star!
                           VADER
                 When you were 20! When I was 10, I 
                 single-handedly destroyed a
                 Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
                           LUKE
                 Well, it's not my fault...
                           VADER
                 Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my 
                 father never gave me what I wanted for
                 my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the 
                 Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh 
                 wahhh!"
                           LUKE
                 Shut up!
                           VADER
                 You're a slacker! By the time I was 
                 your age, I had exterminated the Jedi 
                 knights!
                           LUKE
                 I used to race my T-16 through 
                 Beggar's Canyon--
                           VADER
                 Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 
                 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve 
                 Classic... Only human to ever fly a 
                 Pod Racer...right here, baby!
       Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
                           VADER
                 I was wrong... You're not my kid... I 
                 don't know whose you are, but you sure 
                 ain't mine...
       Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates,
       then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.
                           VADER
                 Get a haircut!
       FADE TO BLACK
------------------

Ric Perrott - My DVD's
 

Jim_C

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>>Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Classic... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer...right here, baby!
 

Steve Tannehill

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This was funny 2 years ago...and it's still funny today!

- Steve
 

SteveGon

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You forgot a line:
VADER
...and I'll bet you're still a virgin!
When I was half your age, I was shagging
a queen!

------------------
My top ten movies that need to be on dvd:
1. Akira Kurosawa's Dreams 2. Freaks 3. Men With Guns 4. The Ninth Configuration 5. The Reflecting Skin 6. Santa Sangre 7. Treasure of the Sierra Madre 8. Voyager 9. White Heat 10. Wings of Desire
 

Evan Case

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When I was half your age, I was shagging
a queen!
No, but he nearly shagged a princess. (Ewwww......)
Evan
------------------
"* * * * * * * * * * * * *" - Buster Keaton
S&S: 16 films left
Most recent: Paisan
 

Scott Weinberg

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Solid giggles there. Thanks!

------------------
Scott Weinberg
------------------
http://www.ofcs.org
 

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