Some guys have all the luck....then there's me... (1 Viewer)

[LDfan]

Talk to any married guy in my company (including me) of course when confronted by our wives we would all deny saying such things.

Jeff

 

[KerryK]

You guys complaining how all your friends are married or in relationships - I wish. I'm *happy* when most of my friends are spoken for because it give me more free time, and I don't have to deal with their singleitis. ("It's OK, you'll meet a guy; yes, they're all jerks, no, I'm not getting any either, blah blah blah.") Maybe it's because I'm female and most of my friends are also.

 

[Joseph Young]

We've all got our various 'sob stories' and I think recounting them endlessly is not productive nor does it make us 'less lonely.'

However, I want to thank Evan for sharing it, because at very least, and even the most cynical of you should agree with this, it's important to get it out at least once. My male friends who endure heartbreak and never tell a soul (such a typical guy thing) end up being these repressed balls of sexual repression and self loathing... oh wait, that is most guys.

We've all been through some degree of 'heartbreak,' disappointment, regret over how we've treated someone, or over not being chosen over someone else, over missed opportunities, long 'dry spells' -- and everything else. We all know about it. And sharing it doesn't make us weaker or 'whiny.' Recounting our heartbreak endlessly until it becomes a mantra, however -- that's not very wise and can alienate people very quickly. I think Evan more than understands the difference and I think he'll be fine.

I have a friend who is constantly b**ching about the fact that no one wants to date him, that all girls are ****s and his love life is a funeral pyre, etc (gag).... and frankly he should listen to himself for the reason that no one is interested in him. It's all about attitude.

However... while I can appreciate Moe's popular 'devil may care' stance, I think it's perilous to immediately convince ourselves that it is, indeed, no big deal. Time is the only factor that can genuine turn heartbreak into 'no big deal,' as opposed to some monumental feat of emotional suppression (emotional constipation). I do agree with Moe that once someone shows their 'true colors,' there is no point in taking them back, and it's hasta pasta.

I think the trick to being a guy in this day and age is finding ways to at least acknowledge our temporary pain without turning into whiny, emasculated Robert Bly disciples as a result. I think that we can become paralyzed by our own self pity, or our regrets over not being 'taken back' by someone.

Keep in mind though, that emotional paralysis will endure as long as society's stranglehold on 'what it means to be a man' involves telling everyone who hurt us to kiss off and that all heartbreak is 'no big deal.' There's nothing noble or empowering about that.

~joseph

 

[Eric_L]

Four years ago I had a new relationship (girl I knew for awhile) go back to her ex. She actually had the nerve to tell me over the phone "if things change I'll let you know." That made me laugh so damn hard! I told her things dont work that way and hung up. Never heard from her again.

THAT is how to handle it. Always remember, it is their loss, not yours. People make bad decisions all the time, don't let it get to you. My saying when I was single was "They ALL want me, some just don't know it yet".

You all have a respectable attitude and I an honored to read the stories and advice you share.

Only one thing....

NOBODY SAID CONGRATULATIONS TO HOLADEM!!


CONGRATS DUDE!!!!!


Not that anyone cares, but here is my perspective on dateing and marriage:

Somewhere around the age of 16 young men are expected to date. We all start off poorly and really suck at it. For whatever reasons we persist and eventually start getting better at it. By 21 we are starting to enjoy it, and by 25 we've mastered the game. We score more often than we strike out, and even when we don't score we still had fun playing.

Then one day you master the ULTIMATE challenge and get the most fantastic girl ever to agree to marry you!!!

Then you have to stop playing the dating game. You start a whole NEW game; the marriage game. Just as before, you start of poorly and really suck at it.

Some guys go back to the dating game, some guys surrender completely. For whatever reasons others persist - and eventually it to becomes a most rewarding experience.

Good luck Holadem!

btw - you'd better start a thread and tell us all about it.. (well, maybe not ALL)

 

[Elizabeth S]

Ummm, Eric. . . did you read the 2nd sentence of Holadem's post (#14)?

 

[Mike__D]

Joseph Young

Have you been spying on me? Good to know I'm not alone.

Every time I attend a "function", I say the same thing: "I would have brought my girlfriend, but I don't know who she is"

There's my problem. I'm reluctant to go to social functions alone. If they are somewhat formal, like a wedding or my annual office x-mas party, I will NOT attend alone. I have, however, gone to some social gatherings by myself.

That's a good line... I'll use it if I ever have the balls to go alone. :b

Mike D.

 

[MarkHastings]

That's a good line... I'll use it if I ever have the balls to go alone.

The reason why I like it is because it gets it out of the way, so you don't have to explain yourself as to why you're alone and it also will give you the allusion of self-confidence...i.e. A man that can make fun of himself MUST be confident.

 

[Steve_Tk]

The girl I dated for almost 2 years broke up with me over the phone and then had a new boyfriend two weeks later. They are still together.

Right now I don't need or want women.

 

[Holadem]

I am sorry Steve but that was funny!

--
Holadem

 

[Evan S]

One thing I noticed it your post Evan, you didn't mention the word love anywhere. I take it you just don't like to be alone for too long a period.

Not true, I have no problems being solo at all. In fact, I was solo for most of my 20's (I'm 31 now). But, I would like to meet someone special soon (after being a moron and screwing up a good thing, like I mentioned earlier). And, I did not mention the word love just for brevity's sake, but trust me, I have been in love before...twice the girls broke my heart, the third time was what I mentioned in post #1...an absolute mistake on my part, but it's too complicated to go into detail here on this forum as to why that was.

 

[MarkHastings]

ended up with a naked woman next to me at the end of two of them

And you want sympathy from us????

At first I was sympathetic toward you, but now I think it's turning into jealousy.

 

[Evan S]

At first I was sympathetic toward you, but now I think it's turning into jealousy.

Don't be jealous Mark...both of those occasions happened 4 years ago. But there are worse things in life than going solo to a wedding.

 

[MarkHastings]

But there are worse things in life than going solo to a wedding

Yeah, being the poor schlub who's getting married.

 

[Eric_L]

Ummm, Eric. . . did you read the 2nd sentence of Holadem's post (#14)?

DOH!!!!!!! :b


Gonna have to get a refund on those reading comprehension classes I took at the JC.

 

[Holadem]

Eh... thanks Eric, that was nice of you

--
Holadem