Some guys have all the luck....then there's me... (1 Viewer)

[Evan S]

Ok, where do I start?

About 7 months ago, I ended a relationship with someone who was very dear to me. A woman whom I had dated for 9 months and lived with in platonic friendship for 3 years before that. Not going to get into huge details, but we had a very complex and difficult courtship. There were elements outside our union that affected the two of us greatly and drove a wedge in between us...more so for me than for her, but needless to say, to some degree for the both of us. This was the only girl I have ever dated seriously that I didn't treat like a queen. I didn't do anything hurtful, but I wasn't as attentive as I could have been to her and our situation.

We broke up in October. I recognized instantly that I had taken this person for granted and realized my mistake. I had let outside influences affect me too much in our relationship and needed to make amends. After a couple of months of discussions, I pretty much broke down in front of her and asked for her to return to me. Problem was she had met a new man during this time and refused to reconcile with me...she wanted to continue this new relationship and felt jaded about our time together.

After 5 months of searching, I finally went on a date three weeks ago with a great woman who I instantly connected with. Instant chemistry and common interests and physical attraction. This woman restored my faith in dating after a long cold spell. Funny thing happened on Monday however, as her ex-boyfriend of 6 months (who she broke up with two weeks before meeting me) broke down in front of her, begging for forgiveness for HIS shortcomings in their relationship. After three days of deliberation, she's going back together with him and ending it with me...right when I thought this might be going somewhere.

Anyone else just loathe the dating scene? Funny how the tables are turned here. I took my lumps in the earlier scenerio (and deservedly so) and now I'm taking them again. Man, this can really get a guy down...thank god all this beautiful sunny weather in the northeast is keeping my spirits up! (sarcasm).

 

[Mark Schermerhorn]

Yeah, I've been there. You've got a good attitude about it though, you're not spouting off about how "she's the one" and the "my life is ruined" nonsense that holds people back so often.

Your recent situation is pretty much what happened to me about a year ago now. No need for details since you already know them.

I'll say this about dating and falling in love: it's both the most wonderful thing in life and the most painful.

And yes, this 9 month winter we're having in the Northeast is just fabulous

 

[Joe Szott]

Evan - If love were trains, we'd all be late

Don't give up hope, things usually turn around when you least expect them to. If I might offer a suggestion, I would tell GF #2 (the new one) that you understand her decision and that if it doesn't work out or she needs someone to confide in that you'll be there. Leaves the door open in case the guy blows his second chance and she is ready to move on (again).

Bad weather, what? Rainy days are HT days my friend, love em!

 

[Aurel Savin]

Evan:

I feel you man, just been dating this chick for a few weeks. We went out a few times around Christmas time and she never called me back until about a month ago. So I was surprised.

We went out again for a few weeks recently and now she stopped returning my calls again ... it is a long story, but this is my luck too.

Time to forget about confused people and move on.

Oh, yeah and the NY weather is not helping either

 

[MarkHastings]

This woman restored my faith in dating after a long cold spell

Long? I'm in my 4th year of a cold spell Seriously, don't let this one person destroy your outlook. Look to the positives...in a short while you may find another great girl. Don't give up.

 

[Holadem]

Bad weather, what? Rainy days are HT days my friend, love em!

HT's don't get you laid. You need to go back to the empty and shallow days of one night stands!

--
Holadem

 

[Ted Lee]

bummer deal batman. however, it sounds like you've got the right attitude.

one of my fave sayings, "it is what it is."

don't let this get you down too much...it not like you did anything wrong.

good luck with all your future endeavors!

 

[Mike__D]

I'm in the same boat. What makes things worse is when ALL your close friends are either married or in a serious relationship. :frowning:

The tables have turned for me as well. In my younger years I dated many woman. I think I used up my quota.

Mike D.

 

[Michael Boyd]

Four years ago I had a new relationship (girl I knew for awhile) go back to her ex. She actually had the nerve to tell me over the phone "if things change I'll let you know." That made me laugh so damn hard! I told her things dont work that way and hung up. Never heard from her again.

 

[Evan S]

Thanks guys...I actually am in a pretty good place. I had only been dating this girl three weeks or so and we only went out 3-4 times, so I'm not like devastated, but I was looking for some support in the misery arena!

I'm in the same boat. What makes things worse is when ALL your close friends are either married or in a serious relationship.

Mike, looks like that boat is bigger than you think it is...as ALL of my friends that live within a 60 mile radius are the same way. All my friends who are single live in San Diego or some other far away locale.

EDIT: except Holadem!

 

[Dennis]

One thing I noticed it your post Evan, you didn't mention the word love anywhere. I take it you just don't like to be alone for too long a period. Call you buddies and go out and have fun, enjoy your "me" time for now.

 

[Moe Maishlish]

I hear ya'll... more than you know.

I've been single for going on 3 years now (last relationship lasted 1.5 years). I've dated here and there, on and off, with several different women. On average, I'll meet 2 or 3 different people in a month. I have dry spells here and there, but that's an average figure.

I could recount several sob-stories, but I'm going to avoid that for two reasons:

1) They take too long to flesh out all the details.
2) Frankly, I'm tired of thinking about them.

Here's a little secret I've learned...

IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

So my last girlfriend broke up with me. WHO CARES! So you feel lonely. BIG DEAL! So you feel like your heart's been used as a trampoline. GET OVER IT!

Ultimately, if it doesn't work out, then fine, it doesn't work out. You can't invest time in something if you know that the other person is "unsure" about how they want to deal with the problem. Do you want to wait around for someone to make up their mind for what/who they want?

Basically, have enough respect for youself to tell that person "fine, if that's how you feel than good luck, god bless, and see ya later". No point in taking them back, 'cause they made their dicision and in doing so have shown you that they don't hold you in the same regard that you hold them.

Dating is a numbers game, and there are lots and lots of numbers out there. It's just a question of putting yourself out there and putting some effort into it. Remember, you're not going to meet someone while you're at home, sitting in from of your HT watching Lord of the Rings for the umpteenth time.

Ok... I'm starting to rant... once you get me started on this subject it's hard for me to stop.

Good luck in the dating jungle guys. Make sure you carry a very long and sharp knife.

Moe.

 

[Hunter P]

Buy a dog and a porno. Just don't use them at the same time.

 

[Holadem]

Well, you're SOL Evan, I am getting married next week!

I haven't figured out to whom yet, but I'll meet her over the weekend

--
Holadem

 

[Max Leung]

Some people treat relationships in the same way they treat HT purchases...settle for something good enough now, and upgrade later.

Don't know if you should get a plasma or LCD tv? Settle for a cheaper CRT rear-projection model now, and in 3 years replace it with a lower-cost non-CRT TV later, when you think you're ready for it. --> Woman hangs onto her boyfriend for a while, and only dumps him when she meets a "better" man. --> Man marries, but has an affair with more attractive women, yet retains the security and comfort of being married (analogy -- man has a 20" TV at home, yet goes to his buddy's who has the 65" widescreen TV for "movie night").

Yep, upgraditis strikes again!

Fun to contemplate: The reason why so few women are into techno-gadgets is because women are, perhaps rightly, more concerned with the status of their current relationship(s). Is it going anywhere? Does he pay attention to me? Can I live with this? What can I do to ensure he devotes the proper resource to my (and the offspring's) survival/emotional well-being? This makes sense in ancient times, where if a man gets bored with a woman, there is a very distinct possibility that she (and the kids) may be cast out of the tribe and starve to death. When a man discards a laser-disc player in exchange for a DVD player, what happens to the LD player? It gets thrown out or gathers dust somewhere...

Of course, in today's society, this is hardly an issue anymore, and now we see rising divorce rates. With the risk of poverty being very small, there is little penalty for ending a relationship and so you'd expect this to happen much more frequently than in the past. And with nearly everyone getting their basic needs, there are more fish in the ocean to choose from, so to speak. The competition is very fierce and intense right now. (For future speculation: You ever wonder why so many men are attracted to women from third world countries? Think about it...)

Case in point: Movie star marriages.

The fact that there is still an emotional penalty to be paid would point to an instinct that cannot be forgotten.

This public service announcement is brought to you by a dazed and confused primate who has seen too many scantily clad females in shopping malls and on magazine covers everywhere. Please my eyes need a rest!

 

[Mike__D]

You bring up some valid points Max. The reason I'm still single at 30, is because I refuse to settle. I've had more than one opportunity. The right one is out there, she just needs to find me

Mike D.

 

[LDfan]

Stay single man, you'll live a longer and happier life.


Jeff

 

[Holadem]

That's not what studies say. Quite the opposite actually. I am sure Max can dig them up.

--
Holadem

 

[MarkHastings]

I am getting married next week!

I haven't figured out to whom yet, but I'll meet her over the weekend

Every time I attend a "function", I say the same thing:

"I would have brought my girlfriend, but I don't know who she is"

 

[Aurel Savin]

Moe ... you are the voice of reason my friend and I thank you.

Next time this @@#@)$)*%* calls me I am going to tell her where to go