Should guys ask for engagement gifts? (1 Viewer)

[Jeremiah]

I didn't know a man is supossed to give his new fiance a gift, let alone the man getting one from the lady. Boy, I know next to nothing about relationships.

 

[Ryan Tsang]

Keith:

"....girl gets the ring and the guy gets the girl..."

My question is this: Who gets the guy? :frowning:

MickeS:

I guess what I'm saying is... why is it the guy the one who comes up with this symbol of the union? (rhetorical question-don't answer) Doesn't she want to commemorate the special occasion as well with something of sentimental value? Not golf clubs, A/V toys, not porn-star sex. Maybe a watch. Like I said, I wouldn't ask her for anything. But if she asks me, I would not hesitate to pick something that I'll keep for life.


(correct me if I'm wrong) I read somewhere that it was DeBeers who coined the phrase "A diamond is forever" in the 50s. Since then, North Americans adopted the idea that a girl is "supposed" to receive a diamond engagement ring.
Wouldn't it be nice if Rolex made up something to that effect for us?


It sounds shallow that I'm putting a $$$ value on something that is pure. I'm actually very fair with the way I treat women. All my life, I've treated them as equals. As a little boy, I questioned why we're not supposed to hit girls. If she could play hockey, I'd pick her to be on my team. Now I question why is it PC to poke fun of men in the media and in advertising. Chivalry? What's that?

 

[Bill Lucas]

There's a deeper question here. Do you want to marry her? You're seem to be more worried about not getting a gift than creating the perfect union of mind and body for the rest of your life. Perhaps you should do some soul searching and see if you should be proposing. Regards and good luck.

 

[Ryan Tsang]

Bill:

Don't be silly. That is one thing I don't question. It's because I don't have to answer that one that I have all this time to think about other things.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

I read somewhere that it was DeBeers who coined the phrase "A diamond is forever" in the 50s. Since then, North Americans adopted the idea that a girl is "supposed" to receive a diamond engagement ring.

Right. No one ever gave an engagement ring before the 1950s. This is practically a brand-new tradition, and only in North America.

Do you really think this is the case?

You're right about DeBeers coming up with the advertising slogan, although I'm not sure when they did. (Certainly it was well-known by the mid-50s, since Ian Flemming used a variation of it for his novel Diamonds are Forever.)

Regards,

Joe

 

[Keith Mickunas]

I swear I heard something similar about the DeBeers thing before, but Snopes doesn't cover it. I found this quote

The year of the advertising campaign was 1939. That's right, the tradition of diamonds as THE engagement ring...as the only correct option, started slightly over 60 years ago and was the main result of an advertising campaign

here .

It said diamonds had been used, but mainly by the rich. Then in the early 1900's diamond sales were dropping so DeBeers came up with the campaign.

 

[Mike Voigt]

Only correct option, phooey.

Besides, that tradition of only the girl gets something is by no means everywhere.

For example, in some countries it is traditional to purchase two rings - unadorned, none of this "rock" mentality! - to wear as engagement rings, and either use them for the weddings rings (changing from right to left or left to right hand in the process, which also isn't "set in stone") or purchasing a second set for the weddings.

My then-gf and I did, sort of. I bought her a wedding ring (and so much for diamonds - hers is sapphire, so there!) and she got me an unadorned ring for the 8 months we were engaged... which so happened to fit with the culture I grew up with. Really nice of her, too. She's a keeper! (13 years now...!)

Mike

 

[Thomas H G]

I had a buddy whose girlfriend was bugging him about getting married.
They looked at rings and all.
He said he would get her a ring if she would get him a set of Ping i3s.
He got em, she got it

That's the way to do it.

Girl gets a ring(along with a husband) and the guy gets a wife but nothing else?
It doesn't seem fair does it?
Seems like the girl should buy him something, but I wouldn't expect it, nor would I ask for it.

 

[Steve_Tk]

Women don't want to pay for anything, you crazy?

They want their 5K diamond ring, then the next day they go out and buy some more shoes, oh and a Lexus SUV. If they have to spend money on you that takes away from spending money on themselves, like that's ever gonna happen.

My ex used to make me feel real bad and guilty about spending money on DVDs. And I only buy about 15 a year I guess. Maybe 20 tops.

But then she would turn around and spend 100 dollars on some shoes and 500 dollars on clothes. She would always have some answer on why that's ok, but buying a movie that I've already seen is a waste.

Yeh we had a really bad break up.

 

[Bill Lucas]

Ryan,

Good for you. Then I have one thing to say. Stop being so damned materialistic and get over it. Good luck and God bless.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

Girl gets a ring (along with a husband) and the guy gets a wife but nothing else?

It doesn't seem fair does it?

New to this planet, are you?

Regards,

Joe

 

[MickeS]

That's how me and my (future, at the time ) wife did it. We bought two plain gold bands for the engagement. Maybe that's something that more people here could do, not sure how well it would go over in the US though...

/Mike

 

[Yee-Ming]

Right. No one ever gave an engagement ring before the 1950s. This is practically a brand-new tradition, and only in North America.

hmmm, it seems the cultural Pax Americana has really spread far and wide then, I certainly gave my wife a diamond engagement ring when I proposed, as have most (if not all) my friends.

from other cultural references, one gets the impression that in the early 20th Century, Americans didn't give engagement rings, only wedding rings, i.e. the man give his wife one, but he himself doesn't wear a ring.

sheesh, if it really is limited to only the US, I kinda feel like a putz for shelling out for a Lazare.

(seriously though, I am glad I did, she really loved it and was very happy to receive it; I think most women do have an expectation now in receiving a nice engagement ring when their men propose. happy to oblige.)

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

Yee-Ming:

I was being sarcastic. Whether with diamonds or not there are plenty of literary references to engagement rings (always bestowed upon the female) on both sides of the Atlantic that long pre-date the 1950s.

Regards,

Joe

 

[ken thompson]

Just remember. If she doesn't get you anything she doesn't really love you.

 

[MickeS]

ken,

 

[MarkHastings]

Again, the value of the thing is not the issue

Try telling that to a lot of women out there

I never understood why the guy has to spend all that money on a "Symbol" of their love. Example, Have you ever seen a woman go insane when she sees another woman with a bigger ring? Why does it bother them? If I buy a woman a $30,000 ring, does this mean we have more love for each other than other couples do?

Seriously, A TRUE symbol of "Love" would be for her to agree to marry you WITHOUT a ring. If a woman is willing to do this, then you KNOW she loves you.

Anyways, I knew someone who got engaged and his wife went out and bought him a guitar. Cool Deal!

 

[Leila Dougan]

Ken, I find your generalization ludicrous.

Mark, I think you're right. Afterall, I agreed to marry my husband without any ring at all (at first, anyway).

 

[Keith Mickunas]

You know, I think the main point of the thread was to kind of poke fun at one of the double standards in our society, not to put it down or anything, just to have a little fun with it. I'm guessing Ken's comment was given in that context also.

Men and women are different. That's just the way it is. Equal yes, but different. As a result, there are certain generalizations that can be made about most men and women, and some of those are damn funny. It'd be a shame if we couldn't poke fun at those difference on occasion because we risk offending those who don't fit them.

Still, it doesn't really matter if the guy has to spend a ton of money on the ring. For the most part in today's society, once the couple are married, their finances will be shared anyways.

 

[DonRoeber]

Mark,
I used a family diamond when I proposed to my fiancee. I took the diamond to a jeweler, who custom made a setting for me. The diamond is set between two pear shaped sapphires. The whole thing is on white gold, because thats what she likes.

She adores the ring, and I'm happy because it's unique, and I designed it. It was also surprisingly inexpensive.

Oh, and here's a picture.