Should guys ask for engagement gifts?

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Ryan Tsang, Apr 8, 2003.

  1. Ryan Tsang

    Ryan Tsang Second Unit

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    Is it okay for guys to ask for engagement gifts?

    I don't know how else to word that question. I don't mean it in a "okay...here's your ring. What do I get?" kinda way. The guy shouldn't "expect" it either. I think the guy should get something in return, but he shouldn't ask. In this day and age, women expect to treated equally. I think it's only fair the reverse holds true.

    For the ladies...Do you feel obliged to get your man something special in return? Or is your "yes" enough?
     
  2. David Preston

    David Preston Supporting Actor

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    Well I just got married I didn't really ask for anything. I just joked around and said I want a 69 camaro to restore. Guess what I didn't get it. So in my opinion if you want to give her a hint go ahead but don't get mad if you don't get it. Good luck and congrats.
     
  3. DonRoeber

    DonRoeber Screenwriter

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    My fiancee wants to buy me a watch. We were looking for awhile, but I never found anything that I just had to have. Now we're spending lots of money on the wedding, so I really don't care about the watch [​IMG]

    I plan on getting her earrings that match her engagement ring as a wedding present. I don't care if I get anything back or not, I just want her to have the gift.

    Also, I don't like getting home theater stuff (and computer stuff) as gifts. Often they're expensive, and I know exactly what component I want, which takes some of the fun out of the gift buying process for others. Also, if it wasn't a gift, I won't feel bad about upgrading it in a few years.
     
  4. Cees Alons

    Cees Alons Moderator
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    Gifts like these are never asked for, nor expected, IMO. They are given.
    Just wait and see - and you yourself, give the way your feelings tell you to do. Same for her: so much for equality [​IMG].

    Cees
     
  5. brentl

    brentl Cinematographer

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    I had a buddy whose girlfriend was bugging him about getting married.

    They looked at rings and all.

    He said he would get her a ring if she would get him a set of Ping i3s.

    He got em, she got it[​IMG]

    Brent
     
  6. Nathan*W

    Nathan*W Screenwriter

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    Cees and I are of a mind about this. Quality answer, sir.
     
  7. Danny R

    Danny R Supporting Actor

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    I thought the ring was payment for what the girl has already given out. [​IMG]
     
  8. Leila Dougan

    Leila Dougan Screenwriter

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    Honestly, when I was proposed to it didn't even dawn on me to get my then-fiance anything. I know, shame on me. And believe me, I'm not the traditional type. Something about proposals and weddings makes them a lot more traditional than one would expect.

    Since I had NO idea my boyfriend was about to propose, I obviously had no gift waiting. It did occur to me later that perhaps I should ask if he wanted something as well. He said he didn't want anything and that was that. He's pretty traditional when it comes to proposals.

    So all in all, I don't think you should ask for a gift. Obviously you know the girl better than any of us so you can make a better judgement.

    However, don't assume that "women" expect to be treated equally. Some yes, other's no. And also, don't assume that your woman isn't at all traditional when it comes to proposals. Many are, regardless of their beliefs on everything else.
     
  9. Joseph DeMartino

    Joseph DeMartino Lead Actor

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    An engagement ring does not fall under the heading of "gifts". This is a symbolic gesture, kind of a down-payment on another symbolic ring that will follow. It isn't like you're buying her a toaster or a CD, and this isn't Christmas or Valentine's Day or some other holiday where you would expect to exchange presents.

    Since there is no generally accepted symbolic male equivalent to an engagement ring, as there is for a wedding ring, I don't see how she could "match" your gift. Again, the value of the thing is not the issue. (It doesn't become a permanent "gift" until you're married, anyway. If the two of you were - Heaven forbid - to break up before then, she'd be obliged to return it.)

    And yes, her saying "yes" is all you can reasonably hope for in this situation. Anything else puts an unattractive mercenary spin on what is supposed to be a romantic gesture.

    Regards,

    Joe
     
  10. Mathew Shelby

    Mathew Shelby Second Unit

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    Ive been with my girl for five years (getting ready to graduate soon). Her family keeps asking if we will ever get married. I have been holding off, I am saving for a ring. I brought this up one day (jokingly of course) I said, a girl gets a [insert $$] engagement ring and the boy gets a gold band. I want my gold band with a projector attached to it. She laughed and two months later bought me a projector (Infocus X1). On our six year anniversary (next February 4th) she will get her ring. She's a keeper! [​IMG]
     
  11. Brian Perry

    Brian Perry Cinematographer

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  12. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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  13. KyleS

    KyleS Screenwriter

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  14. Mark Frank

    Mark Frank Stunt Coordinator

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    David Preston-

    I was reading your response of "I just joked around and said I want a 69..." when I got to the end of the line on my screen. It wasn't until I got to the next line that I read "...Camaro"

    My wife always tells me I have a one track mind! [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  15. LewB

    LewB Screenwriter

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    Pure genius !
     
  16. MickeS

    MickeS Producer

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    Well, yeah, you kinda do. [​IMG]

    It's never even crossed my mind that someone would hope for a gift from one's partner just for wanting to get married. The ring isn't a gift, it's a symbol of the union.

    Plus, I've never been big on the "i gave you a gift, now you need to give me one" idea. A gift is a gift, if you expect something in return it's a purchase. [​IMG]

    /Mike
     
  17. Danny Tse

    Danny Tse Producer

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    I never did get my ring back after my ex-fiance and I dissolved our engagement. Actually, I really don't want it back anyway. She and I are still friends and e-mail each other once in a while. In fact, on my upcoming vacation, I was going to visit her....and her husband [​IMG] .

    Note to self....need Dr. Phil's phone number to set appointment for further therapy [​IMG]
     
  18. Keith Mickunas

    Keith Mickunas Cinematographer

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    Ryan, I hear ya. I'm getting to a point where I pretty much don't want gifts. Anything small I just buy for myself when I want it, and the bigger stuff no one is going to buy me for a gift. And I don't want cheap stuff anymore. Buy cheap, get cheap.

    Kyle, when she says yes, isn't she getting a partner for life plus a ring? [​IMG]

    My opinion on who gets the ring if a couple breaks up is that whoever's fault it is loses the ring. Seems fair.

    As for the original topic, didn't you get her parents to put up a good dowry before you asked her? [​IMG] Honestly though, what could she give you that compares? You'll probably be getting a wedding band, but that's at the wedding. I guess you could ask for a pinky ring in the shape of a horseshoe. The watch seems like a good idea, as its one of the few things you might keep forever, but I wouldn't bring it up if she doesn't. My brother's wife had considered getting him a dog, but that didn't happen at the time because it just wouldn't have worked out.

    It used to be that the guy would get a few cows or some cash, and the girl gets the ring. Now days the girl gets the ring and the guy gets the girl, and that's just the way it is.

    Heck, when it comes time for me to pop the question I'll just be hoping she says yes, I won't even be worried about anything beyond that.
     
  19. Dennis Nicholls

    Dennis Nicholls Lead Actor

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    Yes, what ever happened to the charming old-fashioned custom of "dowry"?

    What's interesting is that my copy of Black's Law Dictionary says that "dotage" has two meanings: as in senility, and as in relating to woman's marriage dowry. Black's doesn't exactly say why. Does it mean that you have to be demented to get married? [​IMG]
     
  20. Matt Pasant

    Matt Pasant Second Unit

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