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Should guys ask for engagement gifts? (1 Viewer)

Ryan Tsang

Second Unit
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Sep 23, 2000
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Is it okay for guys to ask for engagement gifts?

I don't know how else to word that question. I don't mean it in a "okay...here's your ring. What do I get?" kinda way. The guy shouldn't "expect" it either. I think the guy should get something in return, but he shouldn't ask. In this day and age, women expect to treated equally. I think it's only fair the reverse holds true.

For the ladies...Do you feel obliged to get your man something special in return? Or is your "yes" enough?
 

David Preston

Supporting Actor
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Mar 23, 2003
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Well I just got married I didn't really ask for anything. I just joked around and said I want a 69 camaro to restore. Guess what I didn't get it. So in my opinion if you want to give her a hint go ahead but don't get mad if you don't get it. Good luck and congrats.
 

DonRoeber

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My fiancee wants to buy me a watch. We were looking for awhile, but I never found anything that I just had to have. Now we're spending lots of money on the wedding, so I really don't care about the watch :)

I plan on getting her earrings that match her engagement ring as a wedding present. I don't care if I get anything back or not, I just want her to have the gift.

Also, I don't like getting home theater stuff (and computer stuff) as gifts. Often they're expensive, and I know exactly what component I want, which takes some of the fun out of the gift buying process for others. Also, if it wasn't a gift, I won't feel bad about upgrading it in a few years.
 

Cees Alons

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Gifts like these are never asked for, nor expected, IMO. They are given.
Just wait and see - and you yourself, give the way your feelings tell you to do. Same for her: so much for equality :).

Cees
 

brentl

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I had a buddy whose girlfriend was bugging him about getting married.

They looked at rings and all.

He said he would get her a ring if she would get him a set of Ping i3s.

He got em, she got it:)

Brent
 

Leila Dougan

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Honestly, when I was proposed to it didn't even dawn on me to get my then-fiance anything. I know, shame on me. And believe me, I'm not the traditional type. Something about proposals and weddings makes them a lot more traditional than one would expect.

Since I had NO idea my boyfriend was about to propose, I obviously had no gift waiting. It did occur to me later that perhaps I should ask if he wanted something as well. He said he didn't want anything and that was that. He's pretty traditional when it comes to proposals.

So all in all, I don't think you should ask for a gift. Obviously you know the girl better than any of us so you can make a better judgement.

However, don't assume that "women" expect to be treated equally. Some yes, other's no. And also, don't assume that your woman isn't at all traditional when it comes to proposals. Many are, regardless of their beliefs on everything else.
 

Joseph DeMartino

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An engagement ring does not fall under the heading of "gifts". This is a symbolic gesture, kind of a down-payment on another symbolic ring that will follow. It isn't like you're buying her a toaster or a CD, and this isn't Christmas or Valentine's Day or some other holiday where you would expect to exchange presents.

Since there is no generally accepted symbolic male equivalent to an engagement ring, as there is for a wedding ring, I don't see how she could "match" your gift. Again, the value of the thing is not the issue. (It doesn't become a permanent "gift" until you're married, anyway. If the two of you were - Heaven forbid - to break up before then, she'd be obliged to return it.)

And yes, her saying "yes" is all you can reasonably hope for in this situation. Anything else puts an unattractive mercenary spin on what is supposed to be a romantic gesture.

Regards,

Joe
 

Mathew Shelby

Second Unit
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Ive been with my girl for five years (getting ready to graduate soon). Her family keeps asking if we will ever get married. I have been holding off, I am saving for a ring. I brought this up one day (jokingly of course) I said, a girl gets a [insert $$] engagement ring and the boy gets a gold band. I want my gold band with a projector attached to it. She laughed and two months later bought me a projector (Infocus X1). On our six year anniversary (next February 4th) she will get her ring. She's a keeper! ;)
 

Brian Perry

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(It doesn't become a permanent "gift" until you're married, anyway. If the two of you were - Heaven forbid - to break up before then, she'd be obliged to return it.)
There is some debate about that. My sister-in-law was engaged and one day her fiancee suddenly ended the relationship (perhaps another woman was involved). I told her she should keep/sell the ring, as it was he who unilaterally ended it.
 

Ryan Wright

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Also, I don't like getting home theater stuff (and computer stuff) as gifts. Often they're expensive, and I know exactly what component I want, which takes some of the fun out of the gift buying process for others.
This one is kind of off topic, but I have to say it:

Man oh man do I ever agree with you. Here's my big problem with getting these items as gifts: I don't get the actual item I want. Now, hear me out before you judge, because I know that line makes me sound like a jerk.

Let's say I have my eye on a new receiver. It's $1,000. I don't expect anyone to spend that kind of money on me for a gift. So, assume someone buys me a $200 receiver. Not only do I now have a receiver I didn't want, but now I have a hard time buying the one I really want because it feels like a waste of money. I already have a brand new one, so the money I would spend buying the other new one seems like a waste. So now I'm obligated to use this receiver and be unhappy with it.

I suppose you can always take it back, or give it to a friend, but then what's the point of the gift? I'm just so specific about these sorts of things that when someone wants to buy me one, I have to try to talk them out of it. (My folks wanted to buy me a new drill last year. The drill I want, an 18 volt DeWalt, is about $300. My father found a no-name brand 18 volt drill at a local store for $50 and wanted to buy it for me. I had to beg them not to, because I would have just returned it to buy the one I really wanted...)
 

KyleS

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(It doesn't become a permanent "gift" until you're married, anyway. If the two of you were - Heaven forbid - to break up before then, she'd be obliged to return it.)
I have to agree with Brian on this one. I think it really depends on who is ending the realationship and why. If you give an engagement ring to a girl and she breaks up with you for her own reasons the ring should be given back IMHO. But if you break up with her then it was a gift and should stay with her.

As far as a guy getting something in return for the engagement ring you do get something back (assuming she says yes) a partner for life. Heck what else could you want or expect when asking her to marry you?

Kyles
 

Mark Frank

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Dec 14, 2001
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David Preston-

I was reading your response of "I just joked around and said I want a 69..." when I got to the end of the line on my screen. It wasn't until I got to the next line that I read "...Camaro"

My wife always tells me I have a one track mind! :D :D
 

MickeS

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Well, yeah, you kinda do. :)

It's never even crossed my mind that someone would hope for a gift from one's partner just for wanting to get married. The ring isn't a gift, it's a symbol of the union.

Plus, I've never been big on the "i gave you a gift, now you need to give me one" idea. A gift is a gift, if you expect something in return it's a purchase. :)

/Mike
 

Danny Tse

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I never did get my ring back after my ex-fiance and I dissolved our engagement. Actually, I really don't want it back anyway. She and I are still friends and e-mail each other once in a while. In fact, on my upcoming vacation, I was going to visit her....and her husband :frowning: .

Note to self....need Dr. Phil's phone number to set appointment for further therapy :D
 

Keith Mickunas

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Ryan, I hear ya. I'm getting to a point where I pretty much don't want gifts. Anything small I just buy for myself when I want it, and the bigger stuff no one is going to buy me for a gift. And I don't want cheap stuff anymore. Buy cheap, get cheap.

Kyle, when she says yes, isn't she getting a partner for life plus a ring? :D

My opinion on who gets the ring if a couple breaks up is that whoever's fault it is loses the ring. Seems fair.

As for the original topic, didn't you get her parents to put up a good dowry before you asked her? :laugh: Honestly though, what could she give you that compares? You'll probably be getting a wedding band, but that's at the wedding. I guess you could ask for a pinky ring in the shape of a horseshoe. The watch seems like a good idea, as its one of the few things you might keep forever, but I wouldn't bring it up if she doesn't. My brother's wife had considered getting him a dog, but that didn't happen at the time because it just wouldn't have worked out.

It used to be that the guy would get a few cows or some cash, and the girl gets the ring. Now days the girl gets the ring and the guy gets the girl, and that's just the way it is.

Heck, when it comes time for me to pop the question I'll just be hoping she says yes, I won't even be worried about anything beyond that.
 

Dennis Nicholls

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Yes, what ever happened to the charming old-fashioned custom of "dowry"?

What's interesting is that my copy of Black's Law Dictionary says that "dotage" has two meanings: as in senility, and as in relating to woman's marriage dowry. Black's doesn't exactly say why. Does it mean that you have to be demented to get married? :confused:
 

Matt Pasant

Second Unit
Joined
Jan 16, 2001
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493
Is it okay for guys to ask for engagement gifts?
I asked my family jewler this... Joking around when looking at rings a few weeks ago, I picked out the ring I am going to use and said to him jokingly that for "that price are you going to throw in an Omega Seamaster for me"... and without flinching he said "pick one".

My smart alec comments sometimes get me in trouble and sometimes get me an Omega Seamaster Professional Diver.

-- Matt
 

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