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Quiz show funnies (1 Viewer)

Steve Christou

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Heres something to make you smile, they were taken from various tv quiz shows and posted on the net. I laughed out loud at some of these, some really stupid answers, but hey we're only human!;)
Q: What does a planet orbit around?
Contestant 1: The galaxy?
Contestant 2: The moon?
Q: What is origami?
Contestant: A herb.
Q:How many metres are there in a kilometre?
Contestant: Three.
Q: What’s the Prince of Wales’s Christian name?
Contestant: Err...
Q: Here’s a clue: he was married to Diana.
Contestant: Err...
Q: It begins with a ‘C’.
Contestant: No idea.
Q: In which US state can you find Los Angeles, San Francisco and lots of big bears?
Contestant: Florida.
Q: No, it's on the other side.
Contestant: New York.
Q: What planet is named after the goddess of love?
Contestant: Neptune.
Q: Who was Bill Clinton's vice president?
Contestant: I don't know.
Q: Come on, he also stood for president himself. You know, Al...
Contestant: Al Jolson.
Q: Who did Britain go to war with over the Falklands?
Contestant: Er...
Q: It's a South American country.
Contestant: Iran?
Q: What is the capital of France?
Contestant: Belgium.
Q: If I travel at 60 miles an hour, how far do I travel in ten minutes?
Contestant: Two hundred thousand miles.
Anne Robinson: Which Cluedo character has a military rank?
Contestant: Colonel Sanders.
Anne Robinson: How many hours are there in three days?
Contestant (thinking Anne said how many r’s): One.
AR: What was the sequel to the movie 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'?
Contestant: I Know What You Did Last Winter?
AR: Who wrote 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'?
Contestant: Dr Seuss.
Q: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
AR: In sport, the name of which famous racehorse was the word “murder” spelt backwards?
Contestant: Shergar.
AR: In which film did Dudley Moore star as the title character?
Contestant: 10
AR: What man-made structure built during the 3rd century BC is often said to be visible from space?
Contestant: The Millennium Dome.
Q: Which South American politician overthrew Allende in a coup?
Contestant 1: Ayatollah Khomeini?
Contestant 2: Chile?
Q: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?
Contestant: Homosexuals?
Q: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
 

Evan S

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Don't forget the all-time classic from the Newlywed Game...

Host Bob Eubanks: "What's the most unusual place you and your husband have had sex?"

Contestant: "God...my Mom might be watching! I'd have to say...In the butt, Bob"
 

Cam S

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The Weakest Link is british?? Is Anne Robinson that lady bitch from hell who never cracks a smile?
 

John Torrez

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I never liked TWL with Anne, I think it's much better with George Gray. He's much funnier, he comes up with bettter insults, and you can understand what he's saying!
 

Anders Englund

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Here's a good one from Jay Leno:

Jay: Who did we fight in the civil war?
Guy in the street: Uh... Mexico?

--Anders
 

Steve Christou

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Well I don't know who George Gray is, but believe me Anne Robinson is our worst nightmare over here, think of your worst head teacher and magnify by a factor of 10.

Here are some more silly answers...

Q: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er...
Q: He makes bread...
Contestant: Er...
Q: He makes cakes...
Contestant: Kipling Street?

Q: Which actress starred in Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally?
Contestant: Tom Hanks.

Q: Which desert war did Britain take part in 10 years ago today?
Contestant: The Falklands.

Q: What were the gifts the Three Wise Men brought to the Baby Jesus?
Contestant: Gold, platinum and silver

Anne Robinson: Space exploration. What does the acronym NASA stand for?
Contestant: National Socialist Space Satellite.

AR: Complete the title of this novel by Henry James: "The Turn of the ..."?
Contestant: Century.

AR: Which bird gives its name to a straight-legged marching step?
Contestant: The cuckoo.

AR: In the animal kingdom, what "C" is a large North American reindeer?
Contestant: A moose
 

andrew markworthy

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In fairness to the contestants, some mistakes on things like TWL are cases of being cued by the wrong thing because of nerves. There is a *very* long psychological explanation for this, but it boils down to starting with the right idea and then being sidetracked by a more frequently-used response. Thus, the poor soul who answered 'Colonel Sanders' to the Cluedo question had probably generated the answer 'Colonel White' but having got out 'Colonel' then switched to a more frequently-used partner word. From errors such as these psychologists get an insight into how we use language.

In other cases, it's probably because the contestant's thick.

One of the classic tales about quiz shows concerns an unbroadcast edition of Family Fortunes (I think it's called 'Family Feud' or something similar in the USA). One of the families on it was unbelievably stupid, and it was feared that if the episode was broadcast the ethics of permitting its showing would have been questioned. E.g. in answer to the question 'we asked one hundred people for the name of something coloured pink', the matriarch of the family answered 'was it my cardigan?'.

A few years ago a friend of mine got on a quiz show which basically pitted members of different professions against each other. He enjoyed the experience and said to one of the producers that he would like to go on other quiz shows. The producer told him not to bother, as he was obviously too intelligent. Basically, on a lot of quiz shows, Mr or Ms Average is deliberately chosen so that there will be optimal audience identification. Hence why there are so many gaffes on quiz shows.
 

Denward

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I agree with Andrew that responses given in the heat of the moment may not be indicative of the contestant's knowledge. (BTW, in British slang, is 'thin' the opposite of 'thick'?)

However, now that I've demonstrated a bit of sensitivity to these contestants, the funniest thing I remember on a quiz show was also on Family Feud.

For those who don't remember, the final round at the end required two members of the same family to answer the same set of questions, but any duplicate answers were not allowed. The question was, "Name a state beginning with the letter M." The first person says, "Mexico". Ha Ha Ha. Laughs and embarrassment ensue. The second person comes up and responds, "Mexico". Richard Dawson almost busted a gut. The family did have Mexican ancestry.

Of course, that story is not nearly as funny as the Newlywed Game story from Evan.
 

Michael Marklund

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And sometimes the questions are unbelievably stupid. My favorite was from "Who wants to be a millionaire?"...The $100 dollar question was: "What is the primary ingredient in the dish known as Toast?" Loved that one.:)
MM
 

andrew markworthy

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BTW, in British slang, is 'thin' the opposite of 'thick'?
No. The nearest equivalent would be 'smart' or perhaps 'sharp'. [Sorry, I thought 'thick' was a colloquial expression on the other side of the Herring Pond]. 'Thick' usually also applies to those who feasibly could rise to the demands of a task but don't. It's generally not used about someone who is genuinely cognitively impaired (and to be honest, I think disparaging remarks about the handicapped are utterly beyond the pale anyway).
 

Steve Christou

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Okay here are more classics, these are from Family Fortunes,
I cried at some of these.:D
Q: Name a kind of berry.
A: Chuck.
Q: Name something people are allergic to.
A: Skiing.
Q: Name something you might do during a power cut.
A: Read a book.
Q: Name a well known superstition.
A: Running in front of a car.
Q: Name something a blind person might use.
A: A sword.
Q: Name a famous French landmark.
A: Hawaii.
Q: Name the first place detectives look for fingerprints.
A: On the floor.
Q: Name something you find on a fire engine.
A: Coal.
Q: Name something you do before you go to bed.
A: Sleep.
Q: Name a song with 'moon' in the title.
A: Blue Suede Moon.
Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers.
A: A horse.
Q: Name something in the garden thats green.
A: A shed.
Q: Name a pair of famous brothers.
A: Bonnie and Clyde.
Q: Name a method of cooking fish.
A: Cod.
Q: Name something that floats in the bath.
A: Water.
Q: Name an animal you find in a zoo.
A: A dog.
Q: Name a game played in the dark.
A: Charades
Q: Name a bird with a long neck.
A: Naomi Campbell
Q: Name something you associate with the sea.
A: A coffin.
Q: Name a famous cowboy.
A: Buck Rogers.
Q: Name something you wear on the beach.
A: A deckchair.
Q: Name a part of the body beginning with the letter N.
A: Knee.
Q: Name something people have more than two of on their body.
A: Arms.
 

Joseph DeMartino

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Love the thread, but have to throw cold water on the Newlywed Game exchange. It never happened. First of all, it would never have aired if it did happen - the TV censors of the time would never have allowed it. (This story is always told as taking place on the old Bob Eubanks version of the show - and always as something people claim to have seen themselves on television.) But it didn't happen, period, even during a taping from which it was later cut. There are no contemporary accounts of the incident, and every book written about the show by or with the cooperation of the show's cast and crew that has mentioned it has done so only to deny it. (This belongs to the same class of legend as the two Johnny Carson stories: "I will if you get that damned cat out of the way" - variously told about Sophia Loren, Raquel Welch, Joey Heatherton and others, depending on who was the current "hot" actress, and the "I'll bet that made his putter stand up" told about Arnold Palmer's wife - or in some versions Jack Nicklaus's. Neither of whom ever appeared on The Tonight Show because Johnny was not in the habit of interviewing athelte's wives.)
Regards,
Joe
 

Gui A

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They showed the Newlywed thing on a gameshow special a couple of months ago.
They never aired it originally. It was in pretty bad condition, like an old beta tape... snopes has a story and video here...
 

Holadem

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One last version fixes the broadcast to a show called "Mate Match" on a radio station in Chicago, WBAM-FM.
This is the version I got (email) when I first encountered this legend a couple of months ago. It's facinating how these things take a life of their own.

--
Holadem
 

Joseph DeMartino

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I stand corrected. I was familiar with the denials going back all those years, and didn't realize that a tape had actually surfaced. OK, so where's the tape of Raquel and her cat on the Carson show? :)
Regards,
Joe
 

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