Punny Definitions

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Steve Christou, Jul 24, 2003.

  1. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    Here you go, I thought these were quite clever, pick your favorite.[​IMG]

    ABSENTEE : A missing golfing accessory.
    ACOUSTIC : An instrument in shooting pool.
    ACCRUE : People who work on a ship.
    ADORABLE : What you ring when you go visiting.
    ALARMS : What an octopus is.
    ANTISOCIAL : Mother's sister being friendly.
    ATLAS : Finally
    AUSTRALIAN KISS : Same as French Kiss, ... only down under!
    AVOIDABLE : What a bullfighter tries to do.
    BOYCOTT : His crib.... not hers !
    BROADBAND : An all girl musical group.
    CARNATION : Country where everybody has a four wheeler.
    CLIMATE : The only thing you can do with a ladder.
    CROWBAR: Where birds can get a drink
    DAMNATION : Beaver country
    DARE : Not here.
    DEBUT : De part of de body you must park to be seated.
    DECAGON : De way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
    DECAY : De letter which comes after de J.
    ECLIPSE : What an English barber does for a living.
    FINITE : Sir Lancelot.
    FOBIA : The fear of misspelled words
    GRAPE : Great Ape.
    HANGING : A suspended sentence.
    HEROES : What a guy in a boat does.
    HUMBUG : A singing cockroach
    ILLEGAL : A sick bird
    INFORMATION : How ducks are supposed to fly !
    INTENSE : Where campers sleep !
    MUCUS : A cat swear word.
    MUNCHKIN : What cannibals do to relatives
    PARADOX : Two physicians.
    PECAN : A container to urinate in.
    POLYGON : Who left the cage door open?
    PRIMATE : The sultan's favorite wife
    RECOUNT : Honorary Title reaffirmed by Floridans.
    RELIEF : What trees do in the spring.
    RENDER : The Animals that draw Santa's carriage.
    SELFISH : What the owner of a seafood store does.
    URINE : Opposite of "you're out" !
    YANKEE : The same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself!
    ZEBRA : Ze cloth which covers ze breasts!
     
  2. Rex Bachmann

    Rex Bachmann Screenwriter

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    Steve Christou wrote (post #1):

     
  3. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    I found them somewhere on the internet a few years ago, and I still had them on my drive, I like em.[​IMG]

     
  4. Rain

    Rain Producer

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    Necromancer: An amourous vampire.
     
  5. John Spencer

    John Spencer Supporting Actor

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    Enunciate - What made the cannibal queen sick
    Abominable - How commandos killed the farmer
    Indistinct - Where you are when you pick up a skunk

    I remember having a book of these when I was in grade school. I wonder what happened to that book.
     
  6. Ted Lee

    Ted Lee Lead Actor

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    disoriented: a confused asian [​IMG]
     
  7. John Watson

    John Watson Screenwriter

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    Reintarnation - Hillbilly Heaven

    Carmegeddon - major freeway mishap
     
  8. Rob Gardiner

    Rob Gardiner Cinematographer

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    Not really a pun, but here goes:

    GOLF: A lovely walk in the beautiful outdoors spoiled by a nasty little white ball



    How about oxymorons?

    MILITARY INTELLIGENCE
    GIANT SHRIMP
    FREEZER BURN
    PARTIALLY COMPLETED
     
  9. David Preston

    David Preston Supporting Actor

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    I'll have to use some of those in some sentences. People will be like what the heck is he talking about.
     
  10. Rex Bachmann

    Rex Bachmann Screenwriter

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    John Spencer wrote (post #5):

     
  11. LewB

    LewB Screenwriter

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    European - What you are doing at the urinal

    Bonus - What management does to the employees


    Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. I'll be here all week, remember to try the veal !
     
  12. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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  13. Rex Bachmann

    Rex Bachmann Screenwriter

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    Steve Christou wrote (post #12):

     
  14. John Watson

    John Watson Screenwriter

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    [​IMG]
     
  15. John Spencer

    John Spencer Supporting Actor

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    You'll have to excuse Rex, Steve. It seems he has an acute aural fixation. [​IMG]
     
  16. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    I'm just glad I didn't start a thread on bar-room jokes, we'd been here all day analysing them.[​IMG]

    Well since I mentioned bar-room jokes....

    A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.
    He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
    "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
    Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
    He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my genitals unscathed.
    In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
    The crowd murmured their approval.
    The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
    and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
    The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
    After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
    The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
    The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
    The man stood up again and made another offer.
    "I'll pay anyone $100, who's willing to give it a try?".
    A hush fell over the crowd.
    After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
    "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
     
  17. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Q: Why do Chicken Coups have 2 doors?

    A: If they had 4, they'd be Chicken Sedans.
     
  18. Evelio Figueroa

    Evelio Figueroa Second Unit

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  19. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    Or this one...[​IMG]


    Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

    Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

    Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

    Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

    Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"
    Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!
     

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