Possibly dumb dating question..... (1 Viewer)

[Ryan Wright]

And never, EVER talk to her on the phone for hours on end

Now this I would agree with. I've done this before, many years ago, and it turns YOU into another one of her girlfriends. You can forget about any relationship once you start with that.

 

[Steve Enemark]

Brian- you sound a little dogmatic about this. On the first couple dates, it's OK for the guy to pay for everything, which is why coffee dates are so popular! If she offers to pay her way, don't stop her, but don't *insist* she pays.

 

[Michael Silla]

Thanks for reviving this thread folks,
I haven't seen her in a month or so. this is a very busy time of year for her (she is a schoolteacher). We're going out for dinner soon, perhaps next weekend (no solid plans yet). I will keep you all posted.
As far as what others have said about the whole "approach" thing I agree mostly with what Ryan has said. I am one to open doors, pay for meals etc on blind dates, first dates, etc. One of the classiest guys I know (a good friend) made a powerful impression on me in this regard. Every woman that the man went out with was always wowed by his gentile manner and quiet confidence. While it is hard to copy one's "quiet confidence" it is easy to mimic good manners, especially when you are already inclined to do so.
Funny thing is that this past week I met a new girl at work whom I am interested in asking out sometime. Who knows what could happen......
Michael.

 

[Yee-Ming]

Perhaps not goddesses, but I place most of them on a higher pedestal than I do men.

FWIW, I was told by a female friend that although women want to be chased, there is a bit of the "thrill of the hunt" for them too. putting them up on the pedestal, and making it blatently obvious, therefore makes it "too easy" for them.

so I'd go with the suggestions where you treat the lady nice, but don't be overly "desperate" or keen.

 

[Ryan Wright]

putting them up on the pedestal, and making it blatently obvious, therefore makes it "too easy" for them.

That comment was not made in regards to dating, but in regards to women in general. I did not mean to infer that I "worship" women, simply that I regard them as more important than men. Much of this is instinct - if a man & women were drowning and you could only save one, which would it be? Most men would save the woman. The rest of it is logic: Women are the solid foundation on which most households lie. I don't know how I'd do half of what I do without my wife.
How does this translate to dating? Simple: Let the woman know that she is important. That means opening doors, paying for everything, etc. The impression is, "You are a female, I am just a male, and thus I will go out of my way to make your evening as convenient as possible." It is, in effect, "putting her up on a pedestal." Where she belongs. Not to be worshipped, but to say, "Hey, your life and well being is more important than mine."
And it is. There are a lot of married men here: How many of you sacrifice your little pleasures for those of your wife when times get tough? I'd do without long before I'd let my wife do without. How many would take her place in any sort of suffering, if you could? How many would give her the last piece of food, or drink of water, in a bad situation? How many would risk their lives for her? Die for her? I'd say that's most of us.

 

[Elizabeth S]

I personally like opening my own doors. I refuse to sit in the car like an idiot, waiting for the man to come around and open my door. My personality is such that things like that make me feel like a helpless fool that can't do anything for herself. I'm used to catering to the man -- I feel very uncomfortable being "pampered". The moment that happens, I feel smothered and lose all interest.

 

[Ryan Wright]

Elizabeth: There's nothing wrong with that; your personality is your own and is perfectly valid. You do, however, represent a minority of women. An increasing minority, yes, but a minority nonetheless. Most women still appreciate & enjoy chivalry.

 

[Max Leung]

Hmm, I'm seeing more and more women behave the way Elizabeth does now. Probably about 25% at least. I'd guess that women raised in the big cities tend to be more independent-minded than their brethren born in small towns.
I think it'd be more useful if there was a color-coded map filling in details on which regions (cities, towns, etc.) that are hotspots of "independent-minded" women and areas that have women of the "pamper me, give me free drinks" type.
But hey, it's a matter of compromise. Don't give them too much (otherwise you'll be a pushover, and hence unattractive), but then don't be an imbecile either. Balance is the way of the force!
The key is reading the potential mate...and adjust behavior accordingly. Yep, it's an arms race!

 

[Michael Silla]

"Balance is the way of the force!"
So true Max.....so very true
Michael.

 

[Josh Simpson]

Hey man, go for it. I'm single right now and only 24(almost). But I've heard from so many girls that they would've tried a relationship with me if I would've got some courage and tried. Unfortunately they are taken now. But by all means, go for it. You never know, and you won't know if you don't try. Now if I could just get myself to do the same thing.:frowning: