Please tell me I'm being paranoid ...

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by andrew markworthy, Apr 23, 2003.

  1. andrew markworthy

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    I'm a professor, and of course as part of my academic duties I'm expected to give talks at conferences. This is *honestly* a record of what's happened when I've given a paper:

    (1) the first paper I ever gave was at a conference where I also caught glandular fever and hepatitis combined (trust me, not fun)

    (2) the second paper (in the Netherlands) was okay, barring a train breaking down on the way back, causing me to miss my scheduled boat crossing

    (3) there then followed a four- or five-year period that I now look back on with a nostalgic glow, since nothing much happened beyond giving a paper and returning home unscathed.

    Then the fun started. Amongst the highlights have been:

    (4) I gave a talk that was cut short because a woman had an epileptic fit in the audience.

    (5) I then gave a talk where on the way home after it I was threatened by a psychopath with a knife on a station platform

    (6) Heading abroad once more, I was giving a talk in Austria when a pneumatic drill came through the wall (the builders unknown to the organisers were scheduled to do some conversion work in the building and had no idea we were there).

    (7) Then there was the time I gave a talk and went home to discover my house had been burgled.

    All this culminated in the following incident. I gave a conference talk a couple of weeks ago where I fell ill with a cold and simultaneously found a small lump on my shoulder. Said cold infected small lump, which subsequently grew to an alarming size, resulting in me having to have emergency surgery last weekend for a deep-rooted abscess.

    I've worked out that following me giving a talk, there is a near-75 per cent chance that something unpleasant on a par with the above events will happen.

    Am I being paranoid, or does this sort of thing happen to everyone?
     
  2. Andrew Pratt

    Andrew Pratt Producer

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  3. Matt Pasant

    Matt Pasant Second Unit

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  4. MickeS

    MickeS Producer

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    I think it's God telling you to choose a different career path. [​IMG]

    Have you seen the movie "Clockwise" starring John Cleese? Your misadventures made me think of that movie. [​IMG]

    /Mike
     
  5. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    andrew,

    Bad Luck just seems like bad luck when you add them all together.

    In your case, you're just focusing on all the bad and ignoring the good. Sure, it sounds like you've had a lot of bad things happen, but considering your speeches seem to be in far away places, it's not uncommon for bad things to happen.

    I can probably tell you a horror story for EVERY time I went on a production shoot for my company.

    I know this may seem odd to bring up advice given on South Park, but remember the episode about child abductions where Butters was afraid of being kidnapped because he kept hearing about it on the news? Then he was upset because all he ever saw was 'bad' things on the news, but the "so called" ghost showed him that there are plenty of good actions that people do everyday, but they get ignored because people usually tend to remember the bad aspects of any situation.

    Or the old cliche: Whenever you do something wrong, everyone is there to tell you about it, but when you do something right, no one says a thing.

    In your case, you're picking out all the negative things and forgetting about the positive stuff, like the fact that you have a job that allows you to see different parts of the world, or even the fact that you have a job to begin with.

    I wouldn't let any of it freak you out too much. Bad luck is more of a state-of-mind than a curse.
     
  6. Grant B

    Grant B Producer

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    I have 2 scotties which I 'walk' twice a day. It's more like sniff and drag, they are not known for their speed.
    One day I noticed a police car across the street but thought nothing of it.
    We 'walked' about 10 feet and I noticed the police car creep up some.
    Walk another few feet and the car creeps up another few feet.
    I think to myself, "Am I being paranoid or is that police car following us very slowly down the street"
    So once again it happens and I sort of stare at the police officer.
    He shouts across the street, "Are You going to have any puppies for sale, my daughter wants one of those dogs really bad"
    Sometimes paranonia is not the correct answer!
     
  7. Angelo.M

    Angelo.M Producer

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    [​IMG]
     
  8. andrew markworthy

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  9. Jeffrey Noel

    Jeffrey Noel Screenwriter

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    "Note to self: Don't ever go on business trips with Andrew." [​IMG]
     
  10. Bob Graz

    Bob Graz Supporting Actor

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    Andrew,

    Do you think it's bad luck or do you think the person responsible for scheduling your lectures may have taken a large life insurance policy out on you, just wondering....[​IMG]
     
  11. Yee-Ming

    Yee-Ming Producer

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  12. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Producer

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  13. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Producer

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    Gosh, I am on a roll. [​IMG]
     
  14. Dennis Nicholls

    Dennis Nicholls Lead Actor

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    Andrew,
    Did your luck ever change? [​IMG]
     
  15. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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    Andrew has been hospitalized from injuries sustained during the startling collapse of the building in which he was giving a talk. He is in stable condition and expected to be out by week's end.

    --
    H
     
  16. JonZ

    JonZ Lead Actor

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    My father, though not religious, was a firm believer in signs so I have to agree with MickeS
     
  17. Jay H

    Jay H Producer

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    When is your next conference abroad and what is your address? [​IMG]

    Jay [​IMG]
     
  18. andrew markworthy

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    Thank you for reviving this thread, which I'd forgotten about. Okay, let's see. We had got as far as York and the abscess in 2003.

    (8) At a conference at the same place the following year the hotel caught fire.

    (9) Flying to a conference in Norway last year I burst an eardrum.

    (10) I've just remembered this one, which I must have hysterically suppressed when I started the thread. There was the time I picked up a fellow delegate in a bar (NB: this was before I was married). She was pretty hot, and to say the least, eager. Trouble was, she had been born a he and only half way through the change - as I only discovered by touch ... Now I'm not in any way anti-gay, but to say this isn't exactly what I wanted to find out is a severe understatement.

    (11) A trip to Greece last year was a total blast, except for being driven through the streets of Athens and Piraeus from the conference dinner back to the hotel at 3 in the morning in a Lancer Evolution driven by a guy determined to recreate the Need for Speed experience. On the plus side, I have never sobered up as quickly in my life.

    (12) The conference talk where I was scheduled to give my talk - after the conference procedings had ended for the day (before you all make the obvious joke, this was due to a genuine administrative cock-up).

    (13) The invited research talk where I got food poisoning at the reception afterwards.

    (14) The invited research talk where I got food poisoning at the hotel where I was staying (no that isn't a repeat of (13), this is a separate event).

    I promise you faithfully I'm not making any of this up.

     
  19. ThomasC

    ThomasC Lead Actor

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    Wow.
     
  20. Michael Harris

    Michael Harris Screenwriter

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