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Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan went to heaven. (1 Viewer)

drobbins

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
Messages
1,873
Real Name
Dave
Paris, Britney and Lindsay are out dinning and drinking at a restaurant. During the meal, Lindsay starts choking on her food and is leaning over the back of the seat. Paris looks to Britney and asks if they should do something. Britney says that this is an emergency so they must to prevent Lindsay from suffocating. So they both get behind her, lift up her skirt, and lick her rear end. Totally aghast and shocked at what they were doing, :eek: Lindsay heaves strongly and dislodges the food caught in her throat. She turns angrily to the other two and asks them "just what do you think you were doing?" Paris & Britney look at Lindsay like she is stupid and say together "the Hind-lick maneuver!"
 

Nick

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
251
Paris Hilton suspects Lindsay Lohan cheated with her boyfriend. She goes to his apartment with Britney to check on him, and sure enough, she opens the door to find Lindsay Lohan all over him. Paris is furious and shattered by his utter duplicity. Overcome with emotion, she brings out a gun and points it at her own temple. Lindsay and the boyfriend yell "No, don't do it! And said they were sorry! We love you!" She cocks the hammer and screams, "Shut up! You two are next!"
 

LewB

Screenwriter
Joined
Feb 11, 2002
Messages
1,282
Isn't it wonderful how the gods have bestowed upon us Paris, Britney and Lindsay ? Not because of who they are or their public foibles, but because there are 3 of them. That instantly makes anything written about them funnier by definition.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing)
For example:
A priest, a rabbi and a monk
A blond a brunette and a redhead
Moe, Larry and Curly
Groucho, Harpo and Chico

You may now resume normal comedic activities
htf_images_smilies_dance.gif
 

Dave_Brown

Supporting Actor
Joined
Mar 6, 2001
Messages
666
Paris is sitting alone at the bar drinking when Britney walks in very excited.
"Paris," she says, "wait until you see what I bought, this is amazing!" She opens up a box she brought in and there is a snapping turtle inside. "Ok, now watch this!" she told Paris.

With that, Britney lifted up her shirt and dangled the turtle right in front of her nipple. The turtle clamped down and Britney started to run around the room, jumping up and down and swinging the turtle all over the place. No matter what she tried, that turtle would not let go, just hanging tight on Britney's nipple. Finally after a few minutes, Britney walks over to the bar, pokes the turtle in the eye, it opens its mouth and drops onto the bar.

Britney turns to Paris and says "So, think you can do that?"
"I'll try," Paris responded, "but you better promise not to poke me in the eye afterwards!"
 

Benovite

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
71
Real Name
Gary
What ever happened to that thread I started years ago about Lindsay Lohan?


Boy she went downhill faster than a shopping cart full of bricks. =/
 

Benovite

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
71
Real Name
Gary
In the immortal words of Gaff from Blade Runner: You've done a man's job, sir! :D
 

drobbins

Screenwriter
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Dec 2, 2004
Messages
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Real Name
Dave
A police officer stops Lindsay for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
 

Nick

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
251
Paris, Lindsay and Britney were their way to the club. They stop along the road and pick up a Gorgeous Hitchhiker. He got in their car and all three were flirting with him instantly. Unfortunately he had real bad dandruff. On their way from the parking lot to the club Lindsay whispers to Paris and Britney. "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." Britney says “you just took the word right out of my mouth. Paris then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"
 

Nick

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
251
After serving time in prison Paris has been very careful when she’s behind the wheels. She’s been driving exactly what the speed limit said everywhere she goes.

One night after out partying with Britney and Lindsay who

Almost passed out drunk in the back seat got pulled over by a cop on their way home on a small road.

What’s wrong officer? Paris asked.

Well, it seems like you’ve been driving too slow.

But I’m doing 5 MPH Paris replied. That’s what the sign said ,pointing

To the sign on the street.

Miss that’s the road number not the speed limit.

Oh! Sorry officer.

While talking to Paris the officer happen to notice

Britney and Lindsay in the back seat shaking

With their faces as white as a ghost.

What’s wrong with you ladies, you look like you’ve just seen a ghost?

Britney said. No it’s nothing like that officer.

We just got off freeway 289
 

drobbins

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
Messages
1,873
Real Name
Dave
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan were sentenced to do community service. But instead of the “normal” service like picking up trash etc., their lawyer talked the judge into letting them pick how they serve. So they went through the upper class neighborhood that Lindsay lived in knocking door to door asking if there was anything they could do. One man finally said that his porch needed repainting and that they could do it. He had already purchased all the paint and supplies and gave it to them so they could get started. He went back into his house thinking how cool and prestigious it made him look to have the three starlets painting his porch. Well the three ladies came back, only 2 hours later, saying that they were finished. He asked “How could you be finished so soon, it is a wrap around porch.” Paris answered “Stop calling it a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari”.
 

Nick

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
251
Here's another one.

Three celebrity’s bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector: "First body is 25 year old singer Britney Spears. She died of heart failure right after she shot her ex husband. Hence the enormous smile."

"The Second body is and actress Lindsay Lohan Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Paris Hilton, she struck by lightning."

"Why is she smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought she was having her picture taken."
 

drobbins

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
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Real Name
Dave
Paris is over at Britteny’s house and they are both sitting on the front porch. Brittany is happily singing a song while Paris keeps opening her soda looking in the cap and closing it. Lindsay arrives and asks, “What’s going on?” Britteny replies “Not much, just hanging out drinking soda. Look you can win items printed on the underside of the cap. I won 3 free mp3 downloads!” Lindsay looks over at Paris who is still frustratedly putting the cap on and off. “Did you win anything?” she asks. Paris unscrews the cap and shows it to Lindsay, “It keeps saying “Sorry, Please Try Again” and she puts back on the soda, to try again.
 

Nick

Second Unit
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
251
Paris, Lindsay and Britney are trapped on top of a burning building some firemen at the bottom say to the Lindsay "jump it’s your only way to live “so she jumps and the firemen pull the sheet back and she splatters on the ground then they tell Britney to jump and she said "no you’re just going to pull the sheet back "they say no we won’t we just don’t like Lindsay and so she jumps they pull the sheet and she dies the they tell Paris to jump and she says the only way ill jump is if you put the sheet down and back away from it I just don’t trust you guys after what you did to my friends
 

drobbins

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 2, 2004
Messages
1,873
Real Name
Dave
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are boarding a plane to fly to New York City. Shortly after getting comfortable, a family of 3 boards the plane and is surprised to find their seats taken by Paris, Britney and Lindsay. The family shows the three stars their tickets and asks them politely to move. Paris is sitting closest to the aisle and says “Oh-no, you are mistaken. We always fly first class to New York.” The father of the family then gets the stewardess involved. The stewardess checks the tickets and informs the 3 stars that they have second class tickets and that they need to move. This time Britney repeats that they always fly first class to New York and that stewardess must be mistaken. The stewardess then gets the copilot. He asks them to move back to their seats in second class, and once again they reply that they always fly first class to New York and the airline is mistaken. The copilot then gets the pilot. He gets in a huddle with the 3 girls and then quickly Paris, Britney, and Lindsay get their stuff and move to second class. Totally surprised at his effectiveness, the stewardess asks, “What did you say to them?” The pilot replied “I told them first class is going to Washington DC. and if they wanted to go to New York that is where second class is going”
 

Greg_S_H

Senior HTF Member
Joined
May 9, 2001
Messages
15,846
Location
North Texas
Real Name
Greg
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan were arrested and brought before a judge. He called Paris and said, "State your name and the charge against you."

She replied, "I'm Paris Hilton, and I was arrested for blowing bubbles in the park."

The judge said, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're free to go. Case dismissed. Next! Approach the bench and state your name and the charge against you."

"I'm Britney Spears, and I was arrested for blowing bubbles in the park."

"What, another one? This is an outrage! You're free to go as well! Case dismissed! Next!"

"I'm Lindsay Lohan, and *I* was arrested for blowing bubbles in the park."

By this time, the judge is fit to be tied. "You're free to go! Someone's going to lose their badge over this!" He then addressed a man in a clown uniform. "NEXT! Approach the bench and state your name."

"I'm Bubbles."
 

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