Here's a golden oldie: '30 ways of ordering a pizza'. How do you order yours? 1. Stutter on the letter 'P'. 2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up. 4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time. 5. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 6. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. 7. Ask what the order taker is wearing. 8. Crack your knuckles into the receiver. 9. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. 10. Change your accent every three seconds. 11. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. 12. Ask if you can rent a pizza. 13. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. 14. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. 15. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred." 16. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. 17. Imitate the order taker's voice. 18. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now." 19. Have a banjo playing in the background as you order. 20. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza. 21. Belch directly into the mouthpiece than say "bad dog bad dog!" 22. Start snoring in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?" 23. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!" 24. Ask if the pizza is organically grown. 25. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." 26. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza. 27. Order a one-inch pizza. 28. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "Hmmmmm We'll find out, won't we?" 29. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza. 30. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate voice pitch often; act embarrassed.