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Ordering Pizza (1 Viewer)

Steve Christou

Long Member
Senior HTF Member
Apr 25, 2000
Manchester, England
Real Name
Steve Christou
Here's a golden oldie: '30 ways of ordering a pizza'.
How do you order yours?

1. Stutter on the letter 'P'.
2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

3. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

4. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

5. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

6. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

7. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

8. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.

9. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

10. Change your accent every three seconds.

11. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.

12. Ask if you can rent a pizza.

13. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

14. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

15. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."

16. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

17. Imitate the order taker's voice.

18. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."

19. Have a banjo playing in the background as you order.

20. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.

21. Belch directly into the mouthpiece than say "bad dog bad dog!"

22. Start snoring in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"

23. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"

24. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.

25. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

26. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.

27. Order a one-inch pizza.

28. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "Hmmmmm We'll find out, won't we?"

29. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.

30. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate voice pitch often; act embarrassed.

Ryan Wright

Jul 30, 2000
Every time I order a pizza, when they ask if I want anything to drink with it, I ask for a case of beer. When they say (as they always do) that they don't sell beer, I try to convince them to have their driver swing by a grocery store and pick some up with the promise of a big fat tip.
So far, no takers. I always get the nervous, "Uhh, we don't, uh, do that..." or "Uhmm, hang on, let me ask my manager... (pause) ... sorry sir, that's against store policy. Perhaps you would like a 2 liter of Coke instead?"
I'm tempted to answer that with, "Depends. Is that the kind you sniff or the kind you inject?" But by then they're usually REALLY tired of me, and I don't want anything nasty done to my pizza, so I leave them be. ;)
Oh, and when they begin the call with, "What can I get for you?", I like to say, "Pizza."

Cam S

Jan 11, 2002
Haha, I have a funny sense of humour, so when I go up to pay for anything, wether it's in walmart, 7-11, or anywhere, I always try and make the person laugh, in any way possible. I love going through the drive threw of a fast food joint and when they ask for my order I hold my hand over my mouth and say my order. They sit there for a second trying to figure out what I had just said to them, and they try and politely ask me to repeat myself, and I do it again, haha, they try to act so calm, it's hilarious. One time, I went in the drive-threw of Arby's with 3 buddies of mine, and we were all wearing our Snowmobiling helmets, so they couldn't see our face, man you should have seen the look of the girls face when we pulled up to the window, hahahaha. It's funny doing that driving around town too, the bikers seem to get the biggest laugh.

Brian Harnish

Dec 15, 2000
I REALLY have to try those sometime. Although I'm sure I'll have difficulty keeping from laughing during the conversation. :D

Eve T

Supporting Actor
Jan 16, 2002
I have a list of 101 things to do at a mall if anyone wants to see it.

I also have a list of things to do while you are driving....

Kevin T

Jul 12, 2001
for sheer boredom i used to place crank calls to the qvc channel. when the operator would pick up and ask for my item number i would usually tell her that i'm just browsing. eventually, i made up an order number: "item p68203". invariably they would ask, "is that 'p' as in paul" and i would reply "yes, like pneumonia." that always got a laugh.

kevin t


Dec 21, 1999
Kalamazoo, MI
Real Name
Yesterday I was getting my haircut and I felt obliged to make chit-chat with my "hairdresser". She was fresh out of school and I asked her that if eventually she would be able to cut her own hair. She said "No" so I said that she really got the shaft because mechanics can fix their own cars and chefs can prepare their own meals. She laughed and after I was finished, she gave me her card with her home phone on the back.
Honest, I wasn't flirting AT ALL! It just happened.
The card met with a nasty tearing accident before my girlfriend got home. :)

Justin Doring

Jun 9, 1999
"I never mess with food handlers.....until after I have my food."
Good rule!
Steve, thanks for posting this list again! I'd forgotten how funny it is! :emoji_thumbsup:


Senior HTF Member
Jul 25, 2000
Real Name
Funny stuff. A friend of mine worked for a pizza place, which will go un-named (rhymes with Jaba the Hutt). Anyway, to the mean and no so nice customers, they'd do things 'to' or 'in' their pizza. Man, I have stories.
I'm very nice to people who handle my food and I always tip heavy.
Peace Out~:D

Peter Kim

Jun 18, 2001
Extremely funny, but I'll have to agree with keeping a tight lip until after I get my food.

Speaking of tipping the delivery guy - what is considered a good tip? When the pizza is only 9-10 dollars, do you only tip 20% or $2? Seems too small to me.


Who do we think I am?
Senior HTF Member
Dec 1, 1999
Gulf Coast
Real Name
Tony D.
kinda hard to do some of those things now with computers and all. many pizza places keep records of addresses and phone numbers on their database so if they got stiffed or haD a phony order they won't deliver to that address anymore.
many timees they ask for a phone number because they can find your info with that.

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