non-movie draft: the HTF top ten list comedy challenge!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by SteveGon, Feb 12, 2003.

  1. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    Welcome to my HTF Top Ten List Comedy Challenge Draft

    What the heck is that, you say? Well, each participant in this draft will come up with an original "top ten list" ala David Letterman. Then we'll vote on whose list is the funniest! Easy as that.

    Warning: you will be required to do some thinking! [​IMG]

    Needless to say, the taboo subjects of politics and religion are off-limits. I would also suggest staying away from ethnic and sexist topics. Other than that, anything goes!

    As usual, I'm already in. I'd like to get 16 participants. First come, first served!

    Participants

    SteveGon
    ChuckDeLa
    George Kaplan
    Dome Vongvises
    Gabe D
    Scott Weinberg
    Brian Kissinger


    ----------------------------------------------------

    SteveGon's list:

    Top Ten Signs You're A Big Fat Loser

    10. The school bus driver makes you jump for it.
    9. Your parents ask you to be a foreign exchange student....forever.
    8. Black cats have a saying about you.
    7. You donate your body to science but science doesn't want it.
    6. You were featured on America's Least Wanted.
    5. Your grandmother once baked you razor-studded cookies.
    4. You're not even welcome at Star Trek conventions.
    3. You once lost a popularity contest to a child-molesting Nazi lawyer with body odor.
    2. Your mother tied a pork chop around your neck and the dog still wouldn't play with you!
    1. You're ready to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge when a naive angel comes down from Heaven to show you what the world would be like had you never existed. However, when he finds out that things actually would have been better without you around, he pushes your sorry ass over the side himself.


    ----------------------------------------------------

    Chuck DeLa's list:

    Top Ten 2002 Films Most Frequently Mistaken For Pornography:

    10. Serving Sara
    9. The Emperor's Club
    8. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
    7. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
    6. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
    5. The Good Girl
    4. The Banger Sisters
    3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
    2. Bend it Like Beckham
    1. The Pianist


    ----------------------------------------------------

    George Kaplan's list:

    Top 10 ways you know you're watching Lawrence of Arabia.

    10. You have a huge television set, and the people on the screen still look like little ants most of the time.
    9. About 6 hours into the movie you start looking back fondly on the FBI warning.
    8. Halfway through the movie, your rptv suffers screen burn-in of an image of the sun.
    7. For a moment you thought you were watching "Obi-Wan on Tatooine: The Boring Years".
    6. Grace Kelly naked....Sorry, just a mirage. It was really Peter O'Toole.
    5. Twenty-one words: You just had the tv set ISF calibrated before the movie, and it needs it again after the movie is over.
    4. So much time goes by without seeing a woman, that the camels start to look good to you.
    3. Someone stood up and momentarily blocked Rob Tomlin's view of the film. Funeral on Monday.
    2. Someone accidentally hits pause on the remote, and ten minutes pass before anyone notices.
    1. The sound of George Kaplan snoring.


    ------------------------------------------------------

    Dome Vongvises' list:

    Top Ten Euphemisms for Taking A Dump:

    10. Going to the quarry with Fred Flintstone
    9. Sitting on the throne
    8. Doing some spring cleaning
    7. Working for Whirlpool
    6. Attempting to break the Guiness Book of World Records for longest turd
    5. Waiting for Goddot
    4. Posing for Rodin
    3. Laying chocolate Easter Eggs
    2. Going to the bank to make a deposit and fill out paper work
    1. Dropping kids off at the pool


    --------------------------------------------------------

    Gabe D's list:

    Top Ten Rejected Ideas for Movie Sequels

    10. Harry Potter and the Chinese Finger Trap
    9. Minority Book Report
    8. Gangs of Boise
    7. How to Lose Your Lunch in 10 Days
    6. National Lampoon's Van Heflin
    5. Indiana Jones and the Adult Diaper
    4. Lilo & Stitch & Ted & Alice
    3. The Matrix Redecorated
    2. My Big Fat Greek Gym Teacher
    1. Smoochy Lives
     
  2. ChuckDeLa

    ChuckDeLa Cinematographer

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    Hmm, okay I'm in.

    Speaking of top 10 lists, I am so tired of the "one word: ..." / "two words: ..." gag. If you have one word, then use one word. You don't have to tell us in advance that it's one word. It's just not funny or clever anymore.

    rant over
     
  3. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    Well, you won't see that on MY list! [​IMG]
     
  4. george kaplan

    george kaplan Executive Producer

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    I guess I'll give it a shot. But even without your taboo subjects, I have a feeling there's going to be some offended people with my list [​IMG]
     
  5. Dome Vongvises

    Dome Vongvises Lead Actor

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    I'll join.
     
  6. Rob Tomlin

    Rob Tomlin Producer

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  7. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    So are ya in, Rob? [​IMG]
     
  8. Rob Tomlin

    Rob Tomlin Producer

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    Nah, I suck at comedy! :b
     
  9. John Thomas

    John Thomas Cinematographer

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    Two words: Worst. Idea. Ever.

    Wait. Run that by me again?
     
  10. Ric Bagoly

    Ric Bagoly Producer

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    I'll sign up...
     
  11. Gabe D

    Gabe D Cinematographer

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    Geez, I don't want to do this. None of them will be funny. Or, even worse, they'll all be funny except for mine. I can't imagine anything good coming from this.

    Ah, screw it. I'm in.
     
  12. ChuckDeLa

    ChuckDeLa Cinematographer

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    I thought I had a funny idea, but now it doesn't seem quite so funny. Well, I guess I'll stay in anyway. Maybe I'll come up with something better by the time this actually starts.
     
  13. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    John, I take it that's a no? :p)

    Hmmm, if we get two more, we could run with eight...
     
  14. Lew Crippen

    Lew Crippen Executive Producer

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    I'll have to sit this one out, due to a lack of time.
     
  15. Rob Tomlin

    Rob Tomlin Producer

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  16. Scott Weinberg

    Scott Weinberg Lead Actor

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    I have no idea at all what's expected of me as a participant but I'm in.
     
  17. Andy Olivera

    Andy Olivera Screenwriter

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    It'd be a good idea any place but here. No politics or religion? Let's see...

    The war
    The UN
    Liberals
    Environmentalists
    The ACLU
    Homosexuals
    Islam

    Um, I think I'll just cheer you guys on from the sidelines. 99% of any humor that comes from me is at the expense of others. Good luck, though.[​IMG]
     
  18. Brian Kissinger

    Brian Kissinger Screenwriter

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    Well, if you don't mind my chilling lack of desire anymore, then I'll give her a go. And if my list isn't funny, then I'd appreciate it if someone would at least pretend it's a little funny. If everyone just comes on and says it's crap, I'll most likely cry.
     
  19. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    Okay, I guess we'll run with eight. At least a few of us aren't afraid to flex our creative muscles! :p)

    Without further ado, here's my list:


    Top Ten Signs You're A Big Fat Loser

    10. The school bus driver makes you jump for it.
    9. Your parents ask you to be a foreign exchange student....forever.
    8. Black cats have a saying about you.
    7. You donate your body to science but science doesn't want it.
    6. You were featured on America's Least Wanted.
    5. Your grandmother once baked you razor-studded cookies.
    4. You're not even welcome at Star Trek conventions.
    3. You once lost a popularity contest to a child-molesting Nazi lawyer with body odor.
    2. Your mother tied a pork chop around your neck and the dog still wouldn't play with you!
    1. You're ready to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge when a naive angel comes down from Heaven to show you what the world would be like had you never existed. However, when he finds out that things actually would have been better without you around, he pushes your sorry ass over the side himself.



    Yes, that list is based on personal experience. [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Chuck, you're up!
     
  20. ChuckDeLa

    ChuckDeLa Cinematographer

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    Yikes, okay... don't pelt me with produce, please...

    Top Ten 2002 Films Most Frequently Mistaken For Pornography:
    10. Serving Sara
    9. The Emperor's Club
    8. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
    7. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
    6. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
    5. The Good Girl
    4. The Banger Sisters
    3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
    2. Bend it Like Beckham
    1. The Pianist
     

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