Noah :) (1 Viewer)

[Mark Dill]

No one's got anymore dumb jokes? Let's keep em coming!

I enojyed these:

 

[MarkHastings]

How do you carve a statue, of an elephant, from a block of wood?

Carve away anything that doesn't look like an elephant.

 

[Mark Sherman]

How does a male elephant find a female elephant in the tall grass.



VERY NICE!!!!!!

 

[Linda Thompson]

Remember...you asked for it...

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic who had insomnia?

He laid awake all night, wondering if there really was a Dog.

 

[Dan D.]

A sadist and a masochist are standing on a street corner. The masochist says, "Hit me!" The sadist draws back his fist, pauses and says, "No."

 

[James T]

Vin Diesel can be used for some dumb jokes, if anyone remembers the thread...

-Vin Diesel is the sound of one handed clapping.
-Vin Diesel's golf handicap is so large that it entitles him to a special parking spot.

And now there's a Chuck Norris site.

-Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.
-Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.
-One time a 3rd grader tried to impress Chuck Norris by burping the alphabet. In turn Chuck belched the entire script for the show Cowboy Bebop.

Some of them are pretty bad, but you can get lost on that site for hours.
http://www.4q.cc/vin/

 

[george kaplan]

What do you call a blonde with a brunette wig?

Artificial intelligence.

 

[Jonathan White]

Did you hear about the Irish woodworm?





It was found dead in a brick.

 

[Morgan Jolley]

I can't believe it, but I just bookmarked this page.

So a blonde was driving to Disneyland and was trying to watch the road signs to see how far it was. She saw a sign that said "Disneyland LEFT," so she turned around and went home.

 

[george kaplan]

How does a blonde turn the light on when she's throught having sex?

She opens the car door.

 

[george kaplan]

What does a blonde say when she's through having sex?

"So, do you guys all play for the same team?"

 

[Linda Thompson]

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of South Dakota?"

The blonde replied, "Oh, that's one of the harder ones...it has TWO capitals!"

Her friend, puzzled, said, "No state has TWO capitals."

The blonde, beaming, replied..."Sure, lots of them do, but I know them ALL! South Dakota...S and D. New York...N and Y...New Jersey...N and J.........."

 

[george kaplan]

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Tuesday.

 

[Linda Thompson]

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: "Do you want to hear a funny dumb blonde joke?"

The big woman replies: "Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6'5", weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that dumb blonde joke?"

The guy looks the woman up and down, scratches his chin, thinks about it a second and finally says: "Nah, I think I'll pass."

The blonde smiles and says, "I thought that might make you reconsider. You might want to be careful who you tell all these dumb blonde jokes to. I'm glad you realize that any one of us could squash you like a bug."

The man laughs and replies, "Oh, no...that's not what changed my mind! I just don't wanna have to explain the joke three times!!!"

====================

Q) Why can't a blonde make Kool-Aide??

A) She can't figure out how to put the 2 quarts of water into the little package.

====================

A blonde was hired to paint the yellow stripes on the highway. Her first day she painted 10 miles, but the second day she only painted five. Her boss, seeing how
she was getting slower, decided to give her a day off, thinking that she probably just needed a rest until she got the hang of the job. But, when she came back the day after, she only painted half a mile.

Her boss, now discouraged, decided to try to find out what was going on, so he called her into the office. He told her, "You did so great the first day, and I had high hopes. Second day, not so good. But, now, this is just totally unacceptable. That first day proved that you can do the job, and I need a good worker, so, please, just tell me what we can do to make this work. I need you to get those 10 miles painted every day."

The blond, obviously tired and sweaty from hard work, started to sob. "I...I just don't know, sir. I'm working harder and harder every day, but I get less and less done. It's just that, the further I get from that paint can, and the further I have to run back and forth..."

 

[Linda Thompson]

A true groaner...

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers, starring top action movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. (Vin must've had previous commitments.) Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "So I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."

Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says........





(scroll down).....





(keep scrolling).....





.....(wait for it)......





"I'll be Bach."


{{{rimshot}}}...and duck and run for cover... (Hey, I TOLD you it was a groaner...)

 

[Cees Alons]

We have a winner!


Cees