Noah :)

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by stewart borland, Aug 8, 2005.

  1. stewart borland

    stewart borland Stunt Coordinator

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    One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you

    to make me a new Ark."


    Noah replies, "No probs fella, anything you want - after all you're the

    guv'nor."


    But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch son. This time Noah, I

    don't want just a couple of decks... I want 20 decks - one on top of the

    other."


    "20 DECKS!!" screams Noah "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I

    fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"


    "Yep, that's right, well... erm... sort of right. This time I want you

    to fill it up with fish," God answers.


    "Fish?" queries Noah.


    "Yes, fish. Little things.. that swim in sea's and stuff. You know 'em.

    Well, actually, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp... wall to

    wall, floor to ceiling...... CARP!"


    Noah looks to the skies. "OK God, me old mucker. Let me get this right

    then geez, you want a New Ark?"


    "Check."


    "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"


    "Correct."


    "And you want it full of Carp?"


    "Oh yes."


    "But why?", asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting

    to the end of his tether.


    God replies: "I dunno really... I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp

    Ark." [​IMG] :b
     
  2. Linda Thompson

    Linda Thompson Supporting Actor

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    OK...that's as bad as this old hit-and-run (tell it and then run before somebody hits you):

    Did you hear about the man who fashions purses out of dried fish skins? He’s the only guy we know of who’s in the business of carp to carp walleting.




    :b :b :b

    [​IMG]
     
  3. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    What's the difference between a Plumb and an Elephant?

    They're both purple except for the Elephant.
     
  4. Bryan X

    Bryan X Producer

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    Why did the bicycle fall over?

    Because it was two tired. [​IMG]
     
  5. Scott L

    Scott L Producer

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    What kind of food do you eat on a first date?

    Relationchips
     
  6. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Why did the hippo fall out of the tree?

    The Rhino pushed him. [​IMG]
     
  7. Paul Padilla

    Paul Padilla Supporting Actor

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    How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

    Foot prints in the butter.


    What would a bald eagle teach in school?

    American Literachurp.
     
  8. DonnyD

    DonnyD Screenwriter

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    Where do elephants like to hide...?

    In the strawberry patch.......

    Ever seen one in the strawberry patch?

    Hide good, don't they......
     
  9. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    Why is it dangerous to go into the jungles of Africa between 3 and 4 pm?

    That's when the Elephants jump out of the trees.

    -----------

    Why are pygmies so small?

    They go into the jungles between 3 and 4 pm.
     
  10. george kaplan

    george kaplan Executive Producer

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    How did the moron get hurt raking leaves?

    He fell out of the tree.

    How did you get hurt drinking milk?

    The cow sat down.
     
  11. Paul Padilla

    Paul Padilla Supporting Actor

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    That reminds me of the Sesame St. sketch where Ernie has a banna in his ear.

    Bert..."Ernie,why is there a bananna in your ear?"

    Ernie..."It's keeping away alligators."

    Bert..."Ernie!! There aren't any alligators on Sesame St."

    Ernie..."See...it works!!"
     
  12. Jeff Gatie

    Jeff Gatie Lead Actor

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    Ernie, Bert, bannana in the ear(???). . . So, the rumors are true.
     
  13. Paul Padilla

    Paul Padilla Supporting Actor

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    Another variation of the strawberry patch.


    Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

    To hide in cherry trees.

    Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

    Works, doesn’t it!!
     
  14. Mark Dill

    Mark Dill Stunt Coordinator

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    What is green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree in the Brazilian Rain Forest and landed on you, you would die?












    A pool table.

    Haha, ok here's another one.

    What is brown and sticky?












    A stick.
     
  15. Mark Dill

    Mark Dill Stunt Coordinator

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    What's green and smells like bananas?













    Monkey puke.
     
  16. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

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    LOL - I'm definitely gonna use that pool table joke [​IMG]


    But first I need to get some sleep...Last night I dreamed I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted!



    EDIT: Mark, your last joke reminded me of another:

    What's invisible and smells like worms?

    Bird Farts!
     
  17. Dave Poehlman

    Dave Poehlman Producer

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    Why did the apple turnover?




    Because he saw the salad dressing.
     
  18. Mark Sherman

    Mark Sherman Supporting Actor

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    What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor?





    Where my tractor?





    Why is a river Rich?


    cause it has 2 banks.
     
  19. Mark Dill

    Mark Dill Stunt Coordinator

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    What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common?




    They both wear tuxedos and neither of them can fly worth a damn.


    What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?




    One of them is white, made of plastic, and dangerous to children. The other is a plastic bag.


    Warning: tasteless (as if the others weren't)

    Doctor: I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's.

    Patient: Well thank God I don't have cancer!
     
  20. Rob Gardiner

    Rob Gardiner Cinematographer

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    I was born at a surprisingly young age.


    My problems started with my education . . . I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers.


    In college, my classmates would copulate with anything that moved. I saw no reason to limit myself.


    But my advice to the young men out there is . . . do NOT have sex with women. Sex leads to KISSING, then pretty soon you have to start TALKING to them.


    Take my wife . . . please!


    I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


    My wife spent $300 at the beauty salon the other day. That was just for the ESTIMATE.


    Then she was sick for two weeks . . . three stores went out of business.


    When our credit cards got stolen, I didn't call the cops . . . the thief spends less than my wife does.


    I like children . . . I just don't think I could eat a whole one.


    Kids really brighten up the place . . . they always forget to turn the lights off.


    As I approach old age, I realize there are worse things than dying . . . have you ever spent two hours with an accountant?


    Finally, when I die, I want to be cremated . . . my agent gets ten percent of the ashes.


    THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT [​IMG]
     

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