Need help! (Girl problem!?!) (1 Viewer)

[Derek Miner]

James,

I feel for you. Oooh boy, do I feel for you... I posted about a similar situation a few weeks ago, wanting to ask out someone while they were at work. Admittedly, the girl I was interested in was in retail, and not a bank teller. I don't know how I would handle that scenario.

In my situation, I had similar things happen. I went in all confident and ready to act and she wasn't working. Eventually, I was in the store and the opportunity to talk to her just happened pretty naturally. If you're impatient like me, you're going to be driving yourself a bit crazy until this whole thing plays out, but I would say that if you can manage some patience, the right opportunity might just happen for you. I think the best idea I read here was Ryan's - passing on a business card or such with the right number.

Good luck! I hope these things will work out for someone on the Forum eventually...

And Sam - a great story, and a lesson learned.

 

[David Ren]

James, let it go. Your first mistake was giving out your number. Girls, especially if they are attractive, ALMOST NEVER call guys, even guys they are interested in. If this teller was even mildly attractive, she'd probably gets asked out 10+ times a day.

I have a lot of attractive female friends and they all have boxes filled with hundreds of pieces of paper with guys' phone numbers on them. They get hit on all the time, and they wouldn't have even REMEMBERED if they liked these guys or not.

Most of the time (not always) when a girl asks your number, she's not interested. I usually respond, "gee, my schedule's kinda crazy lately, and i think it'd be better if I call you. I wouldn't want you to get in a fulfilling relationship with my answering machine"

James, I know you like this girl, and I don't mean to be mean, but let it go. Don't be the obsessive stalker-type guy. Please don't be that guy. There are plenty fish in the sea.

Next time, always get her number. Girls rarely call guys. The only time is when they get stood up and have nothing to do on a Saturday night. Then, they'll reach into their "phone #s pile" and pick someone to use as a back-up plan.

Or, you can not bother with the whole numbers thing at all. Just say, "Hey, you seem like an interesting person and I want to get to know you better. Why don't I stop by the bank next Tuesday (or whenever) night when you get off and we'll go get a cup of coffee and get to know each other better" Coffee is less demanding than actually "going out" and is the perfect way to get to know someone. Girls will be more comfortable with coffee than an official "date". During coffee, you can show her how much of a fun guy you are, and then you can ask her out on a date. After all, why would a girl go out with a guy she doesn't even know?

Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine if a guy just came up to you, asked you out, and gave you his number. You don't know anything about him and he doesn't know anything about you. He doesn't know you so why would he wanna go out with you? The only reason would be he thinks you are physically attractive. Would you call him? Probably not. It seems pretty shallow that he would go out with you purely based on looks.

Now imagine a guy came up and talked to you. He said you looked like a interesting girl and just wanted to have a cup of coffee with you and get to know you better. You'd feel more comfortable having a cup of coffee with him, even if you didn't really like him that much.

Anyway, this is just my advice. Feel free to disagree

Good luck next time,

David

BTW, Where did the business card thing come from? NO NO NO! Never give out a business card! Too lame and salesman-like. Give your business cards to CLIENTS, not girls. If you have shitty job, it looks bad. If you have a great job, she'll think you're trying to impress her with your job. Unless your business card says "BRAD PITT, MOVIE STAR", I would advise against it.

 

[MikeH1]

James, I know you like this girl, and I don't mean to be mean, but let it go. Don't be the obssesive stalker-type guy. Please don't be that guy. There are plenty fish in the sea

I have to strongly disagree with David's words. There is truth to what he says, but this is only when you get an answer. James, you don't know whether she has tried calling you. Next time you see her just forget about the past incident and ask her out. Coffee-great. Whatever it is. If its a no or she's busy, carry on your merry way. If its a yes, and even if things don't work out for you two then at least your not kicking yourself in the ass for not trying. If things work out...well...you'll let us know.
One of my best friends who is almost twice my age and is like a dad to me met his future wife at the bank in the early 80s. Sort of how you are going about it now(minus the phone number problems ). He flirted with her for weeks and yes, even looked to see if her car was there before wasting his time going in the bank to see if she was working. They started to date and one thing led to another. They were married for 17 years, until Arlene's death at age 43 of cancer on September 12 2000.
Twenty years ago it was the art of romance. Today its stalking

 

[JamesKan]

Ok. My mind is made up. I'm going to give her my CORRECT phone number the next time I see her. I will talk to her a little and tell her I'm still interested and that I DID give her the wrong number the first time. Then I will let it go. I'm not going to keep pressuring her. I know I'm mature enough that if she doesn't call back, I can still go into the bank and just be myself. I'm not going to harbor any jealous feelings or anything like that. I do understand that people sometimes just aren't the right "type" for someone else. If she says no or does not call, I'll move on to the next one, whenever that may be.

I'll constantly be wondering what might have been if I don't give it one more chance. Either way it will be a learning experience. Hopefully she will be there on Wedsnesday!

As always, I'll update the post when I have any new details. Thanks for all the support!

James

 

[Mark Zimmer]

Well, good luck James, but I'd say just forget her. Either you gave the right number and she's blown you off, or you're going to look like a complete moron. Asking is going to make you look like a creep. This is a no-win situation.
Besides, attractive women only go for abusive guys, and you don't sound like one of them. If you are, then go the stalker route. Two of the last three women I've dated have opted to go live with their stalkers rather than spend time with me. Can we say 'self-esteem in the toilet'? I knew you could.
So take my advice only for what little it's worth. :/

 

[Ryan Wright]

Besides, attractive women only go for abusive guys

Didn't we just have a discussion about this?
Women with issues only go for abusive guys. Whether they're attractive or not doesn't make a bit of difference. My wife is 5'2, 110lbs with strawberry blonde hair. Perfect legs, perfect body, and the most beautiful woman I've ever met (if you're into short girls! ). I'm one of those "nice guys" who attractive women supposedly don't go for, but she went for me. My buddy is also a nice guy and his wife is quite attractive. Almost everyone I work with: Nice guys, many with attractive wives. So, tell me again how nice guys can't get attractive women?

 

[SteveA]

James - you need to forget that you ever gave her your number before. March back into that bank and ask the girl out for coffee or something. Just do it! If you know what you want, go for it. If she says yes, great! If not, trust me, rejection gets a little easier each time!

 

[David Ren]

Ok, if you really want to give it another shot, then good luck.

David

 

[DaveF]

Twenty years ago it was the art of romance. Today its stalking

If she enjoys seeing you, it's romance. Otherwise it's stalking.
More simply
She smiles and you walk boldy to her -- Romance.
She frowns (ducks and runs) as you scurry furtively towards her -- Stalking.
Hope that helps

 

[JamesKan]

One more update for you all.

I went back to the bank once more. She was not there again. Sounds like a pattern here, doesn't it? Now I'm simply going to go back to business as usual at the bank. I'm not going to ask for her number, give her mine again, or even ask her out for a coffee. If she is interested, I figure she will let me know. If not... well... you win some you lose some.

Thanks for all the insightful replies and support. This Forum is a great place for information regarding anything! If anything ever develops, I'll be sure to let everyone know.

James

 

[teapot2001]

James, it's a good idea to just go to the bank to do your usual business there. However, I think that when you do meet her, you should try to find out if she tried calling you. It won't hurt. I mean, if you gave her the wrong number, she might think you did it on purpose, like a prank or something, and she wouldn't say anything to you.

~T

 

[Mike St.Louis]

Don't think too much James! It just stresses you out and nothing good can come from that.

I have a friend who chats up any girl he sees. He does pretty well because he doesn't care. If he gets shot down then its on to the next one.

Another buddy of mine met his future wife in a bar. He would always tell girls he met that they had to call him

first and he would joke about it with them.

I figure if you get the call first then it takes a lot of pressure off. Since you are not sure when the call will come you don't agonize over what to say.

 

[Ryan Wright]

I mean, if you gave her the wrong number, she might think you did it on purpose, like a prank or something, and she wouldn't say anything to you.

Yep. Especially if she is unsure of herself. You don't want her thinking, "Oh, great. Here comes that dick who thinks I'm a walking joke. :frowning:"