My Wife?

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Joe Tilley, Apr 11, 2002.

  1. Joe Tilley

    Joe Tilley Supporting Actor

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    Ive been driveing myself crazy the last few months over My Wife.Ok heres the deal Ive been married a little over two years & Ive been with her for about seven years & everything has gone down hill in the last year.All we do is fight I quit a very good job a while back because I was depressed about what was going on with us,& know I just cant stand to be around her for five minutes.The bad thing is we have two boys togeather & they are the main reason Ive stayed around this long,I know that is a bad thing to say but its true.Ive lived in a two parent family as did my wife so thats one thing that makes me wont to stay,BUT both of our family's were the same way as us half of the time.

    Im just lost for what to do my frends all think it time to pack up and go & I REALLY wont to but I dont know what way to go. Their is ALOT of things between my wife & I that would take too long to talk about that really arent very good but we have maneged to get past most of that,I just dont know if it is worth going on any longer with this crap any longer.

    I dont know this may not be the place for a post like this but I just thought some of you can relate to something like this and offer some advice.

    Thanks.........
     
  2. Stefan A

    Stefan A Second Unit

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    How about marriage counseling - with a live certified person.
     
  3. Neil Joseph

    Neil Joseph Lead Actor

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    Sit down and develop some mutual goals, dreams that you want to aspire to that the two of you can work together to achieve..... or get counselling. Is there anything that you like to do together. There has to be an underlying reason behind this. Counselling can (maybe) find that out.
     
  4. Chad Isaacs

    Chad Isaacs Supporting Actor

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    Yeah,do somthing,we let our unhappiness go too long,after 7 years she ran off with another man leaving the 2 kids with me....which is fine,she is a totally different person(for the worse)

    also,check out marriagebuilders.com,i found a wealth of good info there.
     
  5. Brad_V

    Brad_V Second Unit

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    The first thing I'd do is look over the past seven years to see what changed during the last year that things got bad. Go back over the past year and look for why things have changed.

    After you have done that on your own and thought about it for a bit, ask your wife to do the same. Who knows, maybe you're upset with her behavior but her behavior is caused by something you did some time ago and she never told you straight-out what that something was and is behaving the way she does because she thinks you already know what the problem is. ("If you don't know why I'm mad, then I'm not going to tell you.") Women like to think men are mind-readers.

    When someone wants to change something, usually the "why" of current things is nowhere near as important as the "how" to change them, but with something like this, the "why" things changed might lend some clues as to how to go about changing them for the better again.
     
  6. Danny R

    Danny R Supporting Actor

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    Give councelling a try. An honest try. However your primary excuse is a bad one.

    Divorce in my opinion does not hurt the children more than a bad marriage does. If you and your wife are constantly bickering and fighting in front of the kids, then you are setting them up for bad relationships of their own by failing to provide a good role model.

    I'm not pushing you to get divorced. A good marriage is far better for the kids of course. But a peaceful home environment is healthier for your kids than seeing their parents fight all the time.
     
  7. RogerB

    RogerB Second Unit

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    If you don't already, start taking the whole family to church every week. Then, ask the Pastor if he can help. I'll bet he can! Your boys, your marriage and your life are worth the effort.
     
  8. Dean DeMass

    Dean DeMass Screenwriter

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    I never liked the idea of having a pastor/priest/minister trying to help marriages. Give counseling a try. THose people are professionals. Let the preachers preach and the counselors counsel.
    My divorce will be final on April 17th and I couldn't be happier. The hardest part is leaving but once you do, things will get better. 1st try counseling and talk to your wife about what went wrong. If you can save your marriage that is great, but if all you are doing is staying together for the kids, don't do that. Kids growing up in a stressful house is not good. Kids much rather see you seperate than constantly fighting.
    Give my two thread a read. There is a lot of good advice in them.
    Divorce thread
    Life after divorce thread
    If you need any advice or need to talk, e-mail me or PM me. I am a fellow Hoosier so I can give you some info about the divorce laws here.
    -Dean-
     
  9. Ike

    Ike Screenwriter

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  10. RogerB

    RogerB Second Unit

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    POST REMOVED BY MODERATOR
     
  11. Ike

    Ike Screenwriter

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    Deleted by author
     
  12. Danny R

    Danny R Supporting Actor

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    Pastors aren't as trained as a professional (I'm assuming)

    It depends on the faith. Some churches have very high standards for their pastors. Others only ask that they feel a calling.
     
  13. Vince Maskeeper

    Vince Maskeeper Producer

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    Roger,

    Careful. We ask that religion be kept out of discussion here- and your first post was allowed because it was offering your personal advice.

    However- realize others are free to offer their advice as well.

    Your last post is bordering on a personal attack on Mr. DeMass. I have removed it out of respect for this this thread, and hope you understand that such value judgements have absolutely no place here on the HTF.

    I hope this back and forth will be dropped here and the point of the thread can continue.

    -Vince
     
  14. Dean DeMass

    Dean DeMass Screenwriter

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  15. Jared_B

    Jared_B Supporting Actor

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    Probably a good thing you didn't, Dean. It was extremely rude, in my opinion. Thanks for cleaning the thread up, Vince - I was just about to report it.

    Joe,

    Many people have been where you are before, and the advice in here is good. My choice would be the marraige counselor.
     
  16. Rain

    Rain Producer

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  17. Dean DeMass

    Dean DeMass Screenwriter

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    Rain's nostrils are very knowlegable, listen to them. [​IMG]
    My wife and I tried counseling and to be honest with you, it was a big waste of money. Now that doesn't mean it will be for you, but if you truly do think you need to get away..... just go. You will never stop being a good Father to your children and you can also be a happier person at the same time. This also holds true for your wife. If things do not work out for you, you have lots of support here and I am sure your family and friends will pull together for you, I know mine did.
    -Dean-
     
  18. Zen Butler

    Zen Butler Producer

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    Joe, you seem to be a loyal man. Although some have not found counseling to be the answer. I feel it would good for you to at least give it a try. If after then, you can't recouncile, you can at least sit on the other side of the relationship knowing you did everything you could to salvage it. From what I recieved from your post, you seem to be a man who would benefit from that kind of peace. It will lay down important foundation when relating with your children. Therapy is not always the answer for lifes problems, but I seen many fellow humans benefit from it also.
     
  19. Joe Tilley

    Joe Tilley Supporting Actor

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    Wow Thanks for everybodys replys I didnt think anybody would reply,I guess this was just a quick way to blow some stress.
    Ive concedered many options but for the most I think my marrige is pretty well over,I quess I just need to stand up and take the plung.Ive just been scared to leave & start over,for one I DONT wont my wife to keep my boys I wont them to live with me still,If she had them they would get or do anything they wont this being another reason we dont get along.There is just too many things with us that I know will never change she hates everything I do.For example I grew up with street rods all my life & love building cars,but the wife thinks Im gonna run off with somebody if Ive got some flashey toy,so I sold my prid & joy to try & make her happy (now Id like to kick my own ass)Didnt work.
    Than thers the whole home theater thing I thought it would be something we all would enjoy,my boy's love it the wife well of corse she hates it,every time I wont to watch a movie she bitchen that she dont wont to see another damn movie,she's the type that would rather be watchin Jerry Springer or something along that line,keep in mind this is with my 2 & 6 year old boy's in the room watching this crap,(I just dont wont them watching something like my mom slept with the neibors dog wile the post man watched)
    Anywho I quess Ill quit ramblin for now but once again Thanks for everybodys replys, just shootin the turd makes it all a little easer shovle up or not....[​IMG]
     

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