My multi-faceted all-purpose generic HTF bellyaching thread

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Jon_Are, Dec 20, 2001.

  1. Jon_Are

    Jon_Are Cinematographer

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    OK...so I go into my local B&M to pick up (insert current DVD release title), even though it doesn't street until Tuesday, and they had it! Sweet, I thought, I'll screen it tonight and give my new SVS sub and Monster cables – which arrived yesterday – a workout. So…I see this big display of (insert current DVD release title), and, check this out, there must have been a hundred Pan N Scams, but just a handful of widescreens! WTF???[​IMG] I’ll show the bastards, I say, then I spend the next several minutes shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap – distributing all these Pan N Scams but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Fullscreen outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. I’m starting a petition!! Everyone go to www.petitionpalooza.com and join me in showing these A-Holes that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, that’s what I always say. So anyway, I grab a copy of (insert current DVD release title) off the shelf, and guess what? It’s in a freakin’ snapper! Hasn’t Warner Boners learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on Crapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my Crappers to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amarays? How about the double ones? Back on topic: I’m standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the Crapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. “Here it is,” says Jane, “Here’s (insert current DVD release title).” “Cool,” says J6P, “Let’s just hope it’s not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen.” Now, here’s my chance to educate these simpletons, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Pan and Scam and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from ‘Ghostbusters’ where you can only see three of the ghostbusters at a time. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldn’t have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. I whipped out my willie and I pissed all over their shoes! [​IMG] Right there in front of the (insert current DVD release title) display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about Pan N Scam, yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
    Jon
     
  2. Clinton McClure

    Clinton McClure Casual Enthusiast
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    [​IMG] Even with a fever, this one cracked me up!
     
  3. Shayne Lebrun

    Shayne Lebrun Screenwriter

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  4. Sean Conklin

    Sean Conklin Screenwriter

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    Jon_Are,[​IMG]
     
  5. MikeF

    MikeF Stunt Coordinator

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    Sadly, this is what about half the threads in the Home Theater Software forum actually read like right now. [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  6. JohnRice

    JohnRice Lead Actor

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    Jon,
    Outstanding post! I'm sure glad I'm not the only one who has been thinking this.
    Shayne, here is the result I got from your site.
    OK...so I go into Circuit City to pick up Mad Max, Which Shayne Lebrun said was great, and it got good reviews on DVD Review even though it doesn't street until next Tuesday, and they had it!
    'Sweet,' I thought, 'I'll screen it tonight and give my new $50,000 illuminated interconnects and subsonic orgasmilator which arrived yesterday a workout.'
    So I see this big display of Mad Max and, check this out, there must have been 642,895,462 of Chop Slop, but just 1 of widescreens!
    'Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, I'll show those bastards!' I say, then I spend 2 seconds shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap distributing all these Chop Slop but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Chop Slop outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. IÕm starting a petition!! Everyone go to www.petitionpalooza.com and join me in showing these k-niggets that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, thatÕs what I always say.
    So anyway, I grab a copy of Mad Max off the shelf, and guess what? ItÕs in a freakinÕ snapper! Haven't they learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on snapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my snapper to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amaray cases? How about the double ones?
    Back on topic: IÕm standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the snapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. "Here it is," says Jane, "HereÕs ." "Cool," says J6P, "LetÕs just hope itÕs not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen." Now, hereÕs my chance to educate these mush heads, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Chop Slop and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from Ben-Hur where you can only see that scene where the chariots race. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldnÕt have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. Puke all over their puppies! Right there in front of the Mad Max display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about , yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
     
  7. Steve Tannehill

    Steve Tannehill Ambassador

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    Even with a sinus infection I laughed at this. Darn you, my ears are popping! [​IMG]
    And don't worry, Mike. We're working to fix this.
    - Steve
     
  8. JasenP

    JasenP Screenwriter

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    Here is my auto rant:
    OK...so I go into Best Buy to pick up Lord Of The Rings, Which Jon_Are said was great, and it got good reviews on The Digital Bits even though it doesn't street until next Tuesday, and they had it!
    'Sweet,' I thought, 'I'll screen it tonight and give my new Sub and Amp which arrived yesterday a workout.'
    So I see this big display of Lord Of The Rings and, check this out, there must have been 345,555,555,878,978,798,799 of Apocalypse Now, but just 1/2 of widescreens!
    'Son-of-a-whore!, I'll show those bastards!' I say, then I spend an hour shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap distributing all these Apocalypse Now but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Apocalypse Now outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. I’m starting a petition!! Everyone go to www.petitionpalooza.com and join me in showing these sons-o'-bitches that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, that’s what I always say.
    So anyway, I grab a copy of Lord Of The Rings off the shelf, and guess what? It’s in a freakin’ Crapper! Haven't they learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on Crapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my Crapper to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amaray cases? How about the double ones?
    Back on topic: I’m standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the Crapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. "Here it is," says Jane, "Here’s ." "Cool," says J6P, "Let’s just hope it’s not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen." Now, here’s my chance to educate these bastards, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Apocalypse Now and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from 2001: A Space Odyssey where you can only see that scene where Dawn Of Man. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldn’t have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. egg their house! Right there in front of the Lord Of The Rings display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about , yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
     
  9. Shayne Lebrun

    Shayne Lebrun Screenwriter

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    Updated the story to properly insert the altered-aspect-ratio-title at the end of the story.

    Glad y'all like it!
     
  10. Jon_Are

    Jon_Are Cinematographer

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  11. Ryan Spaight

    Ryan Spaight Supporting Actor

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    Brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

    I'm worried that I might have caught something from reading this thread, though.

    Ryan
     
  12. Clinton McClure

    Clinton McClure Casual Enthusiast
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  13. BrettB

    BrettB Producer

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    Even while cleaning up after being incontinent I found humor in your post.
     
  14. JasenP

    JasenP Screenwriter

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    Threads that deteriorate into bodily functions generally get locked.
    Anyway, we all like to bitch. [​IMG]
     
  15. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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  16. Bill Catherall

    Bill Catherall Screenwriter

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    Jon-Are - [​IMG] It's funny because it's true! [​IMG] I consider myself part of "the war" but I think we can all learn to laugh at ourselves. [​IMG]
    Ryan W. - Always glad to be of service. [​IMG]
     
  17. John Spencer

    John Spencer Supporting Actor

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    I'm glad some people here are learning how to laugh at themselves, because I've been laughing at you guys for some time now.
    (ducks)
    [​IMG]
     
  18. Mitty

    Mitty Supporting Actor

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    You may wanna insert a tangential tirade about the "future of DVD extras."
    There seems to be some hysterical paranoia surrounding this as well right now. [​IMG]
     
  19. Bill Balcziak

    Bill Balcziak Supporting Actor

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  20. Bill Balcziak

    Bill Balcziak Supporting Actor

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