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My multi-faceted all-purpose generic HTF bellyaching thread (1 Viewer)

Jon_Are

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
2,036
OK...so I go into my local B&M to pick up (insert current DVD release title), even though it doesn't street until Tuesday, and they had it! Sweet, I thought, I'll screen it tonight and give my new SVS sub and Monster cables – which arrived yesterday – a workout. So…I see this big display of (insert current DVD release title), and, check this out, there must have been a hundred Pan N Scams, but just a handful of widescreens! WTF???:angry: I’ll show the bastards, I say, then I spend the next several minutes shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap – distributing all these Pan N Scams but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Fullscreen outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. I’m starting a petition!! Everyone go to Link Removed and join me in showing these A-Holes that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, that’s what I always say. So anyway, I grab a copy of (insert current DVD release title) off the shelf, and guess what? It’s in a freakin’ snapper! Hasn’t Warner Boners learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on Crapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my Crappers to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amarays? How about the double ones? Back on topic: I’m standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the Crapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. “Here it is,” says Jane, “Here’s (insert current DVD release title).” “Cool,” says J6P, “Let’s just hope it’s not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen.” Now, here’s my chance to educate these simpletons, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Pan and Scam and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from ‘Ghostbusters’ where you can only see three of the ghostbusters at a time. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldn’t have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. I whipped out my willie and I pissed all over their shoes! :D Right there in front of the (insert current DVD release title) display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about Pan N Scam, yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
Jon
 

MikeF

Stunt Coordinator
Joined
Oct 17, 2000
Messages
176
Sadly, this is what about half the threads in the Home Theater Software forum actually read like right now. :thumbsdown:
:rolleyes
 

JohnRice

Bounded In a Nutshell
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Jon,
Outstanding post! I'm sure glad I'm not the only one who has been thinking this.
Shayne, here is the result I got from your site.
OK...so I go into Circuit City to pick up Mad Max, Which Shayne Lebrun said was great, and it got good reviews on DVD Review even though it doesn't street until next Tuesday, and they had it!
'Sweet,' I thought, 'I'll screen it tonight and give my new $50,000 illuminated interconnects and subsonic orgasmilator which arrived yesterday a workout.'
So I see this big display of Mad Max and, check this out, there must have been 642,895,462 of Chop Slop, but just 1 of widescreens!
'Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, I'll show those bastards!' I say, then I spend 2 seconds shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap distributing all these Chop Slop but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Chop Slop outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. IÕm starting a petition!! Everyone go to Link Removed and join me in showing these k-niggets that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, thatÕs what I always say.
So anyway, I grab a copy of Mad Max off the shelf, and guess what? ItÕs in a freakinÕ snapper! Haven't they learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on snapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my snapper to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amaray cases? How about the double ones?
Back on topic: IÕm standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the snapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. "Here it is," says Jane, "HereÕs ." "Cool," says J6P, "LetÕs just hope itÕs not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen." Now, hereÕs my chance to educate these mush heads, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Chop Slop and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from Ben-Hur where you can only see that scene where the chariots race. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldnÕt have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. Puke all over their puppies! Right there in front of the Mad Max display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about , yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
 

Steve Tannehill

R.I.P - 4.28.2015
Senior HTF Member
Deceased Member
Joined
Jul 6, 1997
Messages
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Even with a sinus infection I laughed at this. Darn you, my ears are popping! :D
And don't worry, Mike. We're working to fix this.
- Steve
 

JasenP

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 21, 1999
Messages
1,284
Location
Kalamazoo, MI
Real Name
Jasen
Here is my auto rant:
OK...so I go into Best Buy to pick up Lord Of The Rings, Which Jon_Are said was great, and it got good reviews on The Digital Bits even though it doesn't street until next Tuesday, and they had it!
'Sweet,' I thought, 'I'll screen it tonight and give my new Sub and Amp which arrived yesterday a workout.'
So I see this big display of Lord Of The Rings and, check this out, there must have been 345,555,555,878,978,798,799 of Apocalypse Now, but just 1/2 of widescreens!
'Son-of-a-whore!, I'll show those bastards!' I say, then I spend an hour shuffling the cases around, placing the OARs in the front! He-he. Ya know, the studios pull this bullcrap distributing all these Apocalypse Now but only a few OARs, then they try and tell us, See? Apocalypse Now outsold Widescreen! Well, screw them, I say. I’m starting a petition!! Everyone go to Link Removed and join me in showing these sons-o'-bitches that we demand OAR! No OAR = No Sale, that’s what I always say.
So anyway, I grab a copy of Lord Of The Rings off the shelf, and guess what? It’s in a freakin’ Crapper! Haven't they learned their lesson yet? What, do they own the dang patent on Crapper Cases? BTW, anyone know how I can convert my Crapper to Amaray? What are the dimensions of the Amaray? And where can I pick up some replacement Amaray cases? How about the double ones?
Back on topic: I’m standing there, re-arranging cases, cussing out the Crapper Cases, when who walks up to the display but Jane and Joe Sixpack. "Here it is," says Jane, "Here’s ." "Cool," says J6P, "Let’s just hope it’s not in that widescreen format, you know, where you get those stupid black bars on the screen." Now, here’s my chance to educate these bastards, I say, so I calmly explain to them the difference between Apocalypse Now and OAR. I even pull out a little business card I had printed which shows scenes from 2001: A Space Odyssey where you can only see that scene where Dawn Of Man. Well, I was wasting my breath. J and J6P couldn’t have cared less; they just wanted their screen filled. So I did what every red-blooded hardcore HTF member/OAR enthusiast would have done. egg their house! Right there in front of the Lord Of The Rings display! Boy, were they shocked! I changed their minds about , yesirree boy. I suggest each of you follow my example. We can win this war!
 

Shayne Lebrun

Screenwriter
Joined
Jun 17, 1999
Messages
1,086
Updated the story to properly insert the altered-aspect-ratio-title at the end of the story.

Glad y'all like it!
 

Jon_Are

Senior HTF Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2001
Messages
2,036
Even with a sinus infection I laughed at this.
What's with all the sickies reading my posts? What's next? "Even with a flare-up of my Chronic Inflammatory Demylelinating Polyneuropathy I chuckled at this"?

But seriously, folks...I had hoped I wasn't the only one growing weary of the same tiresome stories, each stating (and re-stating) the obvious with the tone that it is some sort of dramatic and eye-opening revelation. So, for the record:

1. We are all pro-OAR

2. We know you got your new equipment and you're thrilled with it

3. We're happy you got (insert current DVD release title) before its street date

4. The studios and retailers who push full-frames at the expense of OAR titles piss us off

5. J6P needs to be educated

6. We prefer Amarays/etc. to snappers

7. We appreciate your efforts - even when we wonder if they are more fiction than fact - at educating J6P

Finally, in anticipation of those who suggest I simply ignore these threads about which I complain, I offer this: Rest easy. I know y'all have the right - within certain guidelines - to post whatever you like. Feel free. I have stopped reading them some time ago.

To Shayne: Nice job. Your posted cracked me up as well (even with an infected scrotum).

Jon
 

Ryan Spaight

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jun 30, 1997
Messages
676
Brilliant. Thanks for the laugh.

I'm worried that I might have caught something from reading this thread, though.

Ryan
 

Bill Catherall

Screenwriter
Joined
Aug 1, 1997
Messages
1,560
Jon-Are - :laugh: It's funny because it's true! :D I consider myself part of "the war" but I think we can all learn to laugh at ourselves. :emoji_thumbsup:
Ryan W. - Always glad to be of service. :D
 

John Spencer

Supporting Actor
Joined
Mar 2, 2000
Messages
857
I'm glad some people here are learning how to laugh at themselves, because I've been laughing at you guys for some time now.
(ducks)
;)
 

Mitty

Supporting Actor
Joined
Jan 13, 1999
Messages
886
You may wanna insert a tangential tirade about the "future of DVD extras."
There seems to be some hysterical paranoia surrounding this as well right now. ;)
 

Bill Balcziak

Supporting Actor
Joined
Aug 4, 1999
Messages
871
1. We are all pro-OAR

2. We know you got your new equipment and you're thrilled with it

3. We're happy you got (insert current DVD release title) before its street date

4. The studios and retailers who push full-frames at the expense of OAR titles piss us off

5. J6P needs to be educated

6. We prefer Amarays/etc. to snappers

7. We appreciate your efforts - even when we wonder if they are more fiction than fact - at educating J6P
Might I add:

8. Oh, my God everybody!!! HTF was mentioned briefly in the small print at the bottom of the disclaimer that was listed under the copyright info at the very bottom of the legal information at the end of the ad for Godzilla 2000!!! HTF RULES!!!
 

Bill Balcziak

Supporting Actor
Joined
Aug 4, 1999
Messages
871
1. We are all pro-OAR

2. We know you got your new equipment and you're thrilled with it

3. We're happy you got (insert current DVD release title) before its street date

4. The studios and retailers who push full-frames at the expense of OAR titles piss us off

5. J6P needs to be educated

6. We prefer Amarays/etc. to snappers

7. We appreciate your efforts - even when we wonder if they are more fiction than fact - at educating J6P

8. Oh, my God everybody!!! HTF was mentioned briefly in the small print at the bottom of the disclaimer that was listed under the copyright info at the very bottom of the legal information at the end of the ad for Godzilla 2000!!! HTF RULES!!!
And I forgot this one:

9. There's no doubt (insert DD or DTS) is the premier standard for theater sound and DVD soundtracks. Any idiot with a (insert Radio Shack product name) can clearly (insert hear or see or feel or measure) the superiority of the (insert bass or highs or LFE) in the (insert DD or DTS) mix. If you think (insert DD or DTS) is the better standard, then you're a (insert insult here)!

(insert DD or DTS) RULES!!!
 

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