My life has turned into a Jerry Springer episode!!! (1 Viewer)

[Charles J P]

Maybe you could let him know anonymously? Type him a letter and tell him that you were accused of being the father, but after DNA tests the mother admitted that he was the father, you thought he should know. Explain how he can go about getting a DNA test etc. But I would be very careful in this situation. Its going to get uglier at some point.

 

[Michael Reuben]

Who is her pastor, Johnnie Cochran?

You're assuming that she's accurately reported what the pastor said. In fact, you're assuming that she's telling the truth about speaking to a pastor at all. Given the history reported here, you can't believe a word she says.

M.

 

[Danny R]

One other thing. Contact an attorney and ask about having the baby's birth certificate changed so that your name does not appear as the father. (unless that is what that Revocation of Parentage form does, but even so consulting an attorney is probably money well spent)

 

[KyleS]

Sorry folks, but I strongly disagree with some of you. Forget the psycho-hose-beast for a second and think only about the child.

I whole heartedly agree with you here Dennis. If you have any feelings at all for this child (which you better its a baby) then do what you can to make sure it will be taken care of. If she really is unfit to take care of this baby then call the real father and explain everything to him. If he needs your support give it to him but for goodness sakes dont just turn your back and run. (though keep your distance from the mom).
As Danny stated you better get your name removed from the birth certificate if not this alone could be held against you and be reason enough for a court to force you to pay child support. Whatever happens do what is best for the baby.
KyleS

 

[Todd Hochard]

Right on, Dennis. That's what I meant- I was trying not to get all namby-pamby about it. I just don't have it in me to KNOW a baby, and KNOW that it's not being properly cared for. That's just me.
Todd

 

[Malcolm R]

Trevor has already said he doesn't know who "the other guy" is, and has no easy way of finding out, so everyone can stop hounding him on this point.

I'm with those who say walk away and don't look back (after taking whatever measures you need to have your name removed from all birth certificates and/or other documents related to the child). Nothing good can come from being involved in this situation.

 

[Ryan Wright]

I don't know. Personally, I'd keep working at this until I found the guy. Maybe take out a large ad in the local paper:

Do you work as a nurse?
Did you have sex with Jane Doe near the month of August, 2001? (use her real name & real dates)
If so, you have a child she isn't telling you about.

But that's just me. I love to rock the boat.

 

[Tom Meyer]

Trevor -- wow. amazingly bizarre situation. My only advice like a few others is to MAKE SURE you get the legal end of things taken care of and then deal w/ the moral end of things. The last thing you need is to be branded a deadbeat dad.

 

[Danny R]

Ryan, I'd be careful with that attitude. You might end up seeing your name in the paper as well stating that you slept with the girl.

After all, in Florida the law actually states that should a girl want to give a baby up for adoption and she doesn't know who the father is, she must place an ad in the paper giving the names of EVERY person she slept with during the possible conception period.

 

[Wayne A. Pflughaupt]

Sad story, Trevor. It’s a shame people don’t think about the children before they make decisions that result in this kind of situation.

You certainly got lucky this time. The question now is, are you going to keep rolling dice with your life?

Matt gave you some good advice. Here’s mine, from a guy who managed to make it through the stage of life you’re in relatively unscathed: Run, don’t walk, to your nearest book store and get yourself a copy of Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives, by Laura Schlessinger.

Regards,
Wayne A. Pflughaupt

 

[Joe Szott]

Trevor,

You said the baby had bright red hair, well red hair is a recessive gene (I think.) So ask around town about any bright red haired male nurses. There can't be that many of them around...

If you can find the guy, get a sample of his blood and run another DNA test cross-referenced with the child's earlier sample. If it is positive and what she said about him is true, he'll have her in court so fast you will have zero legal worries. As a bonus, if he's a nice guy and you two become friends, you can probably drop by and see your ex-daughter whenever you like too.

I'd find that father, for the sake of the little girl if nothing else (the mom doesn't sound like she's fit to me.)

Anyway, all IMHO. Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[Mary M S]

I have a kid, and then I DON'T have a kid.

From your posts (actually your actions), you look to make a very fine ‘Dad’ Trevor when your time for parenting arrives.

I hope by some UAP method, you might luck into ferreting out whom the father could be. As you continue forward when your heart looks back you will feel quieter knowing that the baby had a chance for a better life than it sounds from your description, her mother is capable of providing. If she is a lucky child, he will be someone as considered and ethical in his responses, matching those you have displayed.

Good Luck, Best Wishes.

 

[Ashley Seymour]

I always pass these stories along to my daughter 21 and son 19. They have several cousins - in Minn es SO ta - who and high school friends have been with girls and were informed several months later that they were fathers. It seems never to be the case that these are girls that were selected on the possibility of being life soul mates. There extracurricular activities were more the "any port in a storm" type of decision. Paying child support, seeing the kid is all great, but I was always anal enough that I wanted all my flock under my roof where I could watch them grow and develop and I had a major input on their life.
And, sadly, I didn't get laid enough in my single days for this to have a significant chance of happening to me.
Yeah Todd. I had to pass on a lot of these opportunities, but the times I didn't I knew I was risking being drawn into a relationship with a women whom I would not have been happy with.
Trevor, there are lots of nice women in Minnesota. Go find one. I did.

 

[Ryan Wright]

Ryan, I'd be careful with that attitude. You might end up seeing your name in the paper as well stating that you slept with the girl.

No, there is a difference: I didn't sleep with her, therefore that would be libel, and anyone publishing libelous statements about me would find himself on the other end of a lawsuit.

Although I'd agree that such a publication (trying to find this father) would be on shaky legal ground in itself due purely to her name being published...

 

[Trevor Harveaux]

UPDATE:
It seems she has told the father, and he is coming to talk with her about the situation this weekend. However she says he is planning on moving out of state.
She is also still mad at me for having the test done.
Ashley, feel free to pass the story along. I was being careful at the time, and was very shocked to hear the news. I met this woman over ten years ago (before the brain tumour), and when I ran into her recently she seemed like a nice enough (though very moody) person. I don't get into a relationship unless I can see a future in it. In this case however, I made a bad judgement about her. Had I known what I know now, I wouldn't have had anything to do with her.
And I agree, I don't think children should be brought up in that kind of environment. I had suggested at one point to give the child up for adoption, she considered that to be an awful thing for me to even suggest (even though at the moment she was saying how she was going to kill herself since she wasn't going to be able to handle this child). I know I plan on getting a vasectomy before I get into a relationship again.

 

[Ryan Wright]

She is also still mad at me for having the test done.

Because she got caught! People like this are always mad when they get caught. They try to flip things around and blame you for causing the situation. It's like the cheating spouse who gets upset at her husband when she gets caught: "What the hell were you doing going through my purse, anyway?" Because I suspected you of cheating on me. "What?! I can't believe you! We've been together for 10 years and you suddenly have to start going through my private stuff because you don't trust me?!" Might I remind you that YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME?!?!

Somehow, HE is the bad guy in this situation. He should have trusted her enough to not go looking for the truth. Yeah, right...

Trevor: My guess is she has known you weren't the father all along. She's pissed at you because she got caught in her lie. If her story is true - if she really did think you were the father - she would not be so upset with you. Shocked at the news, yes, but not angry with you.

 

[Todd Hochard]

It seems she has told the father, and he is coming to talk with her about the situation this weekend.

Ok, NOW you can run away. Fast.
Todd

 

[Tommy Ceez]

Heres an idea,
contact the other guy and agree to testify in his behalf at the custody hearing...if he's a health care worker, in stable mental state, and has plenty of money the kid is better off with him!

 

[Trevor Harveaux]

UPDATE:
It turns out that the real father wants nothing to do with either the mother (I cant blame him for that) OR his child (which I find very sad). The mom is now having to take him to court for paternity. She offered to let me see the kid anytime I want and send me pictures occationally, I think she is hoping that I will become the dad that the real father could never be. But I'm not going to do that, way too confusing for the poor kid, plus I really don't want to deal with her at this point. The would thing just makes me sad.

 

[Ryan Wright]

Bummer for the kid, but Trevor, you're right in staying away. Unless you are prepared to make a full commitment and marry the woman, the kid is better off without you in his life at all. Otherwise, you're going to be a source of inadequacy in his life. You'll come and go rather than be a rock for him to lean on - whether by your choice, or that of the mother. Better that he never knows you. Hopefully his grandfather will step up to the plate and take the father's place so he has some masculine influence around.