My life has turned into a Jerry Springer episode!!!

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Trevor Harveaux, Aug 27, 2002.

  1. Trevor Harveaux

    Trevor Harveaux Stunt Coordinator

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    I'm rarely post here, but visit every day, a few times in fact. But some of you might find my story interesting.

    I had a baby girl at the end of June. The whole thing was bad from the start, since the mom and I didn't get along very well. To make a long story short, she made my life hell, and I did my best to provide as much as I could. We had an on again, off again kind of thing going. She had a medical problem in her youth that caused some emotional problems.

    I'd been seeing the baby every mon-wed-fri and usually one day for a few hours on the weekend. The mom been bugging me lately to get into a relationship with her, and I wasn't going for it since I still wasn't able to fully trust her.

    The baby has bright red hair, very odd, since we are both blonde, so I decided to have a DNA test done. After about 3 weeks, I called to find out the results. They guy on the phone told me there was an "exclusion." An exclusion means that I am excluded from being the possible father!!! I was totally shocked and amazed. I was supposed to go up that day and see the baby, but I made up an excuse because I was too upset that night. So, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and have a second test done at the local hospital. The results were due back in two weeks. Well, about a week later while at work the mom called and asked me if I had a paternity test done. I told her yes, and she hung up on me. So I finished what I was working on and called her back, and asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She couldn't understand why I would have the test done since there was no way it could have been anybody else's. I mentioned that the first test showed that I wasn't the father, but she still said there wasn't anybody else, and that there isn't any way that is wasn't mine.

    So, I explained to her how the test figures out the possibility of my being the father, it shows it as a percentage based on how many similar DNA strands we share. That percentage was 0. THEN, she said there WAS somebody else, but she didn't think it could be him because she had her period after she was with him. She apparently isn't aware that you can be pregnant and still have a period, as I have a friend who had her period all the way through her pregnancy. So later she tells me that when she told this guy she was pregnant he got mad and said it was his, she insisted that it wasn't, but he told her that if it WAS his, that he was going to fight for full custody and take the child. It seems he is a nurse and knows her medical history, so she is certain that he will be able to show that she is mentally unstable and unfit to keep the child. Plus he has enough money to go to court while she is flat broke.

    So now, even though I don't have the results from the second test, am pretty sure that she has been lying to me this whole time about the fact that I am the father. I've even been having to pay child support and helping with medical bills (spent well over $2500 at this point), plus I have put the child on my insurance plan (that I pay an extra $91mo for). I just really would have liked to know from the start that it was possible that I wasn't the dad. Oh, she was also mad at me for not letting her know right away that the first test came back showing that I wasn't the father, I didn't tell her because she has insisted that I was the father and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

    UPDATE: I got the results from the second test in the mail last night.... Not the father. I knew it. Both of the tests show the exact same DNA locus, and each of the tests was done by a different company. I'm happy, pissed off at the mom, but very sad for the child. I do really miss the kid. I talked with the mom last night and told her the news. She said DNA tests aren't accurate at all (according to her pastor). She said she is SURE it is mine, and will be contacting an attorney because I didn't ask her to have the test done. Then she said she wouldn't take me to court if I let her pay me back over time, which I really couldn't care if she really pays it all anyways. If I get some of it back, great, if not, no big loss.

    My life has turned into a episode of Jerry Springer... Ugh.
     
  2. Matt Gordon

    Matt Gordon Supporting Actor

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    Wow, Trevor. You didn't ask for advice, but here is my opinion:

    It's obvious that you don't want to be with her... right? If so, then disappear. Fast. Don't worry about the cash, don't involve a judge, just go. Consider that money spent as a collegiate-level course: Do Not Have Sex With Psychos

    If you loved this girl, and wanted to be a part of her life, I would say that you should be there for both of them regardless of who the father is. From what I've read, this girl is an unstable, dishonest person who really should not be a parent. She is just not equipped for the job at this point in time. I hope that someone is in her life who can at least give this kid a fighting chance at not being screwed up. I hope that the father steps up to the plate and does the best thing for the kid, whatever that may be.
     
  3. Trevor Harveaux

    Trevor Harveaux Stunt Coordinator

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    Thanks Matt. Yeah, I don't plan on having any contact with her ever again. I could take her to court over the money, but I wont. I don't see the point, the biggest one it would hurt is the child.
    I had always considered my child support "stupidity tax". But now, I agree with you, and I hope that collegiate-level course pays off. [​IMG]
     
  4. BrianB

    BrianB Producer

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    I think you're on the ball, Trevor. Forget the cash, forget her. Chalk it up as one big nasty life experience.
    Condoms are wonderful things [​IMG]
     
  5. Leila Dougan

    Leila Dougan Screenwriter

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    I have to agree with the others just walk away. Since the real father is a nurse and is not leaving his child perhaps him having custody is the best thing in the end. I do not know anything beyond what you've written, but it sounds like she is trying to manipulate the both of you and its time you just walk a way and hope for the best for the baby.
     
  6. Charles J P

    Charles J P Cinematographer

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    I agree too. It sounds like you dont really care for the mother, and while you may be tempted to see the child every now and then, this is a bad idea. You have no obligation to be part of her life, and it will only cause you (and the child eventually) more pain. It would be different if you were in a loving relationship with the mother, you could adopt the child, etc. but you cant have one without the other, and it sounds like you dont want to deal with the mother. Walk away.
     
  7. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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  8. Trevor Harveaux

    Trevor Harveaux Stunt Coordinator

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    Trust me. I really don't plan on having any contact with her ever, ever again.

    Has anything like this happened to anyone here? To me the whole thing still seems sureal. I have a kid, and then I DON'T have a kid.
     
  9. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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    Yes, Long story short a girl's MOTHER that I dated over a year ago called me and was like "yeah she had a kid and it's your's"
    so I got a hold of the girl and she freaked out and told me her mom is psychotic and it's not mine. That the condensed version [​IMG]
     
  10. AllanN

    AllanN Supporting Actor

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    Given the circumstance that the child is not yours and the mother is obviously crazy a quote comes to mind:

    "I swear to God, I will throw you out of this house and never look at you again." from American Beauty

    I personally have a zero tolerance for infidelity and would not even give a person the time of day for disrespecting our relationship like that and then lying about it.
     
  11. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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    Wow.
    Run like hell.
    But first, find out who the real father is and tell him. She probably won't.
    Were you mandated by any court to pay child support? If so, you will need to get that cleared before you just take off. Otherwise, huge problems down the road. Also, make sure you save both test results. Don't need her coming back in five years suing you for some huge amount of money, or getting the state to mandate child support.
    You have zero obligation to this child and since you have not established a relationship with her, there's no harm in leaving for good. While it is unfortunate that said child will not grow up in an intact home, your presence would likely do more harm than good. The child is an infant, has no idea who you are and will never know you even existed unless someone tells her.
    Consider this a blessing. Did you really want to raise a child with this nutcase? [​IMG]
     
  12. Christopher P

    Christopher P Supporting Actor

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    COOL!!! Can you get Steve's autograph for me? (The Cal Ripken Jr. Look-a-like cop)

    Chris


    Who is her pastor, Johnnie Cochran?
     
  13. Todd Hochard

    Todd Hochard Cinematographer

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  14. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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  15. Scott Leopold

    Scott Leopold Supporting Actor

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    If the child support is court ordered, you may be finding yourself in need of an attorney. It's sometimes very difficult to get that cleared. There was a talk radio program locally a few months ago that was focusing on non-deadbeat dads, and deadbeat moms. One guy who called in had been paying for his supposed daughter's child support for over 16 years. When the girl was born, the blood test indicated that he was probably not the fater. Still, there was a slim possibility, and he was mandated to pay for her. Every couple of years he fought it, but continued to pay. Back in '95, he finally got a DNA test done--the first of many, in fact. Each one has shown that he could not at all be the father. He is still mandated to pay the child support. He has appealed as much as he can, but is at a point now where it costs less to pay the child support for the next 1 1/2 years than to pay the lawyer. Through all this, he's never had custody or visitation, and I believe they said that his child support and lawyer costs are upward of $70,000.

    On a related note, I had a friend who went through a paternity battle years ago. Ohio is one of the most liberal states when it comes to paternity--in other words, the percentages required on the blood test are lower in Ohio than just about anywhere in the country. My buddy's blood test indicated that he had just over a 95% chance of being the father. Due to the innacuracy of the blood tests, most states require a certainty of 98.5% or higher (this is per his lawyer at the time). He was certain it wasn't his, but decided to accept the outcome of the test. He also decided that, since the girl was totally unfit to even raise mice, he would go for full custody. As soon as he told her this, she dropped the claim against him. I think he only saw the baby once, and then never saw it or the mother after she dropped her claim. He called me recently, though, and said that he wished he'd kept in touch with her so that he could call her and tell her what he had recently been told by his doctor--that he's sterile, and has been all his life.
     
  16. Matt Gordon

    Matt Gordon Supporting Actor

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  17. Cal S

    Cal S Stunt Coordinator

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    Do NOT go tell the other guy, that'll just suck you into it all again.

    Just distance yourself from ALL of it. Live your life man.

    Good luck!
     
  18. Dennis Reno

    Dennis Reno Supporting Actor

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    Sorry folks, but I strongly disagree with some of you. Forget the psycho-hose-beast for a second and think only about the child.
    Trevor, you have done the right thing. You thought you made a mistake, you stepped up to the plate and tried to do the right thing. In a time where there are WAY to many deadbeat parents you deserve a major pat on the back. Hell, if you were in SE Michigan I would meet you for a beer, my treat! But to simply walk away without ever letting the other guy know about the situation is wrong. For his sake, and more importantly for the baby's sake, he deserves to know.
    As I don my asbestos underwear in preparation for the flames, let me ask everyone this: If you were the other guy and you knew what a nut job this gal was, wouldn't you want to know that the baby is your child?!?! I would! He deserves the opportunity to do his best as a father. He can't do that if he is kept in the dark. If it was me I would hope that a guy like Trevor would have the stones to tell me the story straight. After doing that, I would wash my hands of the situation.
     
  19. Paul_D

    Paul_D Cinematographer

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    Dennis, I couldn't agree more. Trevor, let him know. You've done the right thing up to know. Carry on doing the right thing!
    Compelling thread btw.
     
  20. Trevor Harveaux

    Trevor Harveaux Stunt Coordinator

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    I would like to tell the guy, but all I know about this guy is he is a nurse. I would ask one of her friends who he might be, but she really doesnt have any. I did ask one of her old friends, but she had no idea who he might be, but she would look into it. I could ask the mom, but I'd rather not have any contact with her right now, or ever.
    As for the child support, I did send in the Revocation Of Parentage form. According to what I read, I have to have that sent in within 60 days. I sent it in more than a week early, so I should be ok and not have to go to court, unless she decides to fight it. But I very much doubt she would do that, since she would have no chance of winning.
    I'm STILL waiting to get my DVDs back. [​IMG] She had three of them, said she would put them in my folks mailbox last Monday, but no movies yet. it's one thing to lie to a man, and lead him on for 10 months, but to keep a mans DVDs? that's downright criminal!
     

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