My Christmas (don't read unless you want to be depressed)

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Joel Mack, Dec 25, 2001.

  1. Joel Mack

    Joel Mack Cinematographer

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    Well, my Christmas was going pretty good, until earlier this evening.
    My wife of seven years has decided we need some time apart. I've sensed that something was "wrong" with her for some time, but had been attributing it to her being stressed from the end of the semester (she teaches) and the upcoming holidays. She revealed that she was hoping it was that, too. Alas, it appears not. [​IMG]
    Anywho, she's packing up some stuff and going to stay with her mom (in town) for awhile, to sort out what she wants/needs. I don't hold any resentment toward her for this, because I think she *does* love me as much as I love her, and I hope this break will clear her head about where we go from here. Hopefully things will work out for the best.
    Wish me luck. Hope everyone elses Christmas turned out a little better.
    Maybe that "Peter Pan" guy does have it goin' on... [​IMG]
     
  2. Chris Wittry

    Chris Wittry Stunt Coordinator

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    I feel for you and hope that everything turns out ok. Good luck.
     
  3. Dan Whalen

    Dan Whalen Stunt Coordinator

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    Good luck and I hope everything turns out alright.

    Dan
     
  4. Jeff Kleist

    Jeff Kleist Executive Producer

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    Poor Joel, perhaps some PSO will help? [​IMG] Private msg me [​IMG]
     
  5. Dan Brodin

    Dan Brodin Stunt Coordinator

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    Good luck and best wishes Joel.

    -Dan
     
  6. JasonK

    JasonK Supporting Actor

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    Good luck Joel, keep that chin up.
    And Jeff's correct, let us know if you want to reassamble the PSO crew.[​IMG]
    Your pal,
    Jason
     
  7. Chad Isaacs

    Chad Isaacs Supporting Actor

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    Wow,my wife of 7 years up and left in May,except she gave no warning,she left for work just like any other day.Yesterday she was over for an hour or so to see the kids and we got into a huge screaming match,it was bad enough that I was depressed that it was my first Christmas alone so that did not help any.
    Anyway,feel free to p.m me if you would like a few tips on how to hang in there and keep your sanity.A great website for both of you is
    www.marriagebuilders.com
    They have a forum there also and alot of great posters!
     
  8. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

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    Joel, sorry to hear that. I hope everything works our for you. [​IMG]
     
  9. Dave Poehlman

    Dave Poehlman Producer

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    I've never understood how someone could leave/separate/file for divorce with someone during the holidays. I mean, you hear it all the time that so & so served divorce papers to so & so on Christmas.

    C'mon all you would-be divorcees, have the coconuts to at least stick it out through the new year! Sheesh!

    Sorry you had such a tough holiday, Joel. I can't pretend to know what that was like.
     
  10. Kelley_B

    Kelley_B Cinematographer

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    Damn Joel....sorry, thats all I can say is sorry. Hopefully things will get better for you.
     
  11. Kevin Coleman

    Kevin Coleman Second Unit

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    I am sorry to hear about this Joel. I am sure in the end things will work out OK.
    Kevin C. [​IMG]
     
  12. Robert G

    Robert G Stunt Coordinator

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    I am very sorry to hear this. Hopefully it is just a stage in her life that she will get over quickly. I cannot imagine how you must feel. I know that it would kill me. But as everyone has said, keep your head up and be strong.

    Chad,

    Glad to see you hangin' in there man. I know it has been tough.
     
  13. BrianB

    BrianB Producer

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    Shit, Joel, sorry to hear that. Hang on in there, mate, I'm sure it will work out for the best in the long run.
     
  14. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    No matter what, time heals all. Doesn't seem like it now, but you will see. Better days lie ahead.
     
  15. Joel Mack

    Joel Mack Cinematographer

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    Thanks for the words of encouragment, guys. It really does help a lot. [​IMG]
    As for the timing, I would guess that it's partly my fault. Last night I more or less forced her hand about what's been bothering her, otherwise I have a feeling she would have kept it to herself awhile longer. Although the timing sucks, I'd rather it be out in the open now, than still festering inside.
    I have every hope in the world that things will work out, but am preparing myself in the event that they do not.
    Chad, thanks for your advice. It's funny that you were the first person I thought of when I got on here last night to vent. Sorry to hear things still aren't going so well between you. I hope it never gets that way with my wife.
    Thanks again, everyone. I'll keep you in the loop.
     
  16. Sean Conklin

    Sean Conklin Screenwriter

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    Joel, best of luck, I know how hard relatonships can be, that's why I'm hanging out at the soulmate thread[​IMG][​IMG]
     
  17. DanaA

    DanaA Screenwriter

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    Joel,

    I read your post and what came out of it most was what an amazing individual you must be. You don't show anger, but instead talk about the love between you and your wife. I just have to believe that it will work out for the both of you. My wife also is a teacher. Whether your wife says it or not, I have to believe that this does play a part in the situation. Teaching is so stressful and the negatives sometimes overwhelm the positives. I think you're right to give her some room right now and, as hard as it must be, be patient until her head clears some. I also want to wish you a Merry Christmas and hope the new year brings all the rewards in the world to you.
     
  18. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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    Joel,

    Good luck. Any chance your wife is in her late 20s/early 30s? From what I've seen/read/heard, many women in that age bracket seem to totally change their minds about what they want from life, especially woman who married in their early 20s or younger. I personally don't understand how they can do it. When us men have issues, they're usually pretty cut and dry. Women, they can just suddenly change: No fighting, no major problems, things seem to be going great and then suddenly she withdraws for whatever reason. Then you get to play the "what's wrong"/"nothing" game for a few weeks before getting vague, condescending responses (which you're happy to get by then!).

    Irregardless of her career choice, something is wrong in your marriage or she wouldn't feel compelled to leave. It's probably nothing you know about or could even figure out on your own, but likely has a lot more to do with her feelings and emotions and desires for the rest of her life. You may think it's a lot of silliness (I do), especially when you find out what's really wrong, but to her it's her whole world. Women are odd that way. So, when you find out what it is, put aside your feelings and make a real effort to focus on her's. As an example, if she says she feels like she can't talk to you, don't take the defensive ("What? You can talk to me. I can't believe you think that."). Instead, ask her questions: Why do you think that? How can I help you? What can I do to better the situation? Will you show me how to be a better husband in that area? You get the point.

    But first, you have to start communicating openly. I highly suggest you enter marriage counseling immediately. It's going to be expensive, but it should help. She may also need personal one on one counseling. Take her there, grimace and write the check. After 7 years, I'd imagine she is your whole world, so do what it takes. (Just don't stalk her, call 24/7, or beg for her to come back. You won't look the least bit attractive that way. Do try to force the counseling sessions, though, and if she won't go, then go on your own.) Also, if you're religious, your church should have tons of effetive resources to help you out.
     
  19. Chad Isaacs

    Chad Isaacs Supporting Actor

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    I agree with Ryan,do not sit and beg or cry in front of her,I did that and it got me no where,it was not until a few months in that I read thats just not the way to do.As odd as it might sound,when you do talk to her,appear you are fine and can get by without her...just do not take it to far.
    We were very young when we got married,We had just finished high school a few months before and we are now 26..So I again agree with Ryan and his whole mid 20's thing.I have since decided that my new wife will be atleast 80,that way she will need me,if for no other reason than to change her diaper...she WILL need me[​IMG]
    Check out that webpage I left the link for,it has alot of good info,also find a counseler.I went to one but I just could not afford it because I was trying to raise 2 kids at home and was/had been a stay home dad for a few years.But if you do not like one,find another and so on.
    One tip I can think of right now,if she does come home,and I hope she does,make every effort,and this is for her too,to make each other number 1.Thats regardless of how many kids you have or what kind of jobs you have.My wife always put her job above me and our 2 kids.Make sure you make time for each other every day no matter how busy your schedule is,time you can just talk..not about work or anything else in the world,but just talk.I read a good healthy marriage needs atleast 15 hours a week of just husband and wife time,sleeping time,romantic time etc. does not count here.
     
  20. Philip Hamm

    Philip Hamm Lead Actor

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    I would recommend getting professional counselling. It's humbling and embarrassing, but it can be greatly helpful. Also, the time apart may not be a bad thing. I know at least one couple who are completely and absolutely in love and inseparable that went through a very similar separation. Counselling is the answer. You will not challenge yourselves emotionally or get to the root of your peoblems without it.
     

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