Mr. Mom for a month. (1 Viewer)

[Drew Bethel]

Vlad and others, it's great to see us dads taking a solid role in caring for our children. My wife is a full time graduate student with a 16 hour per week internship - I work full time. So far we have managed to keep our 9 month old daughter out of day care. Watch, when 4 months roll around don't be surprise if you are still unwilling to send her to day care. They are just so small to send off before 6 months.

I hang out with her several evenings in the week and the larger part of Saturday while my wife goes to classes. We have a great time and I wouldn't change a thing. I'm still building up the nerve to take her on a few errands though :b. Just think...menards, home-depot, fleet farm, pet store...I'll get there soon!

Vlad, the best way to get stuff done...pay close attention: BABY BJORN. I loved this carrier and so did our daughter. Anytime she was fussy I'd put her in it and she would just light up. Too bad she out grew it but we bought two more carriers (baby trekker and sutemi) that will last us until she starts walking on her own and then some. She loves those as well. You can also use a stroller but we just feel so "detached" from her with those things and prefer to "carry" her.

 

[Aaron Reynolds]

We have a Heart to Heart sling that I wear around the house, and we were given a Baby Bjorn carrier a few weeks ago, and it's fantastic for going outside on walks and shopping and stuff. I'll second that recommendation.

 

[Jordan_E]

Exactly! It's a bit strange not bringing home a regular paycheck, and I feel guilty just buying myself a DVD once in a while because it isn't "my" money, if you know what I mean! And having built a strong bond with my daughter is pay enough for me! Besides, my wife makes more money than I ever did anyway.

 

[LanieParker]

Being a stay at home parent is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world, but very rewarding. I wish more parents could be able to stay at home and raise their kids.

My husband and I have finally come to the decision to homeschool both our girls. It's something we have been talking about for a while and this year there were some things that occured in the school system that sort of made the decision for us.

We've pretty much already decided on which homeschool method we are going to use (Waldorf) and I'm in the process of registering our family through the state. We have decided to do year round homeschool and starting in August our school will open.

It is sure to be an exciting journey.

 

[Drew Bethel]

That's awesome Lanie, I wish that we could do something like that...maybe hire a nanny/educator. On standardized tests, home-schooled kids consistently out score those in regular schools. I think three of the five kids in last year's national spelling competition were home schooled.

Good luck.

 

[Peter Burtch]

Yikes- what happened exactly? It must have been something pretty major to take on such a huge responsibility of home schooling.

cheers,
P

 

[LanieParker]

Honestly there are a few reasons for our wanting to homeschool.

First there has been some issues with certain children that were inappropriate and we didn't feel that they were being dealt with properly. Second, there are certain programs that the school offers, but they are not very accessible to most children at the school (money wise). The kids who get to participate seem to be those who come from families with more money. I tried to talk with the principal about using the volunteer resources (mainly parents) who could run more of these programs and let it be something all the kids at the school could join in. They outsourced through a company and the fees are outragous.

I feel that education, especially in elementary should be more accessible to the children.

 

[Michael Warner]

I've been doing the full-time dad gig since my second son was born in 2001. We certainly never planned things out this way. After my first son was born in 1998 my wife and I both kept working full-time and relied on my flexible schedule and the help of the grandparents to avoid daycare. Just before kid #2 came along my .com company went belly-up so I just sort of fell into the stay-at-home dad role. I work outside the home a few evenings a week to earn some extra money and try to find the time for a bit of freelance work as well but the bulk of our income is from my wife's job. It just made more sense at the time -- she has a fully vested pension plan whereas I was working in the oh-so-predictable IT field.

It has been an immensely rewarding couple of years and I feel guilty as heck for getting to fully experience my boys' early years while my wife has been toiling away. We're looking to flip-flop responsibilities in the near future. I'm looking forward to getting my career back on track but this has by far been the best job I've ever had.

 

[Joe Szott]

Yeah, at the yearly focal reviews as a parent you get to eat cake and open presents! Show me another job with those perks...

 

[Vlad D]

Wow! I didn't know there were so many full-time stay-at-home dads on this forum. That's great! For me this will only be a 4 week gig, but I expect it to be fully rewarding. Already these past 3 days have been great.

Oh, I'll definitely be unwilling. Unfortunately we really don't have any other options. My mom lives to far to help out on an everyday basis, and my wife's mom lives out of the country. I don't like the idea of a nanny being in my house with my daughter all alone. Heard to many horror stories. And the nanny-cam doesn't do it for me; if you catch something on camera its already too late.

Ideally, we would like on of us to stay home. I make twice as much as my wife so it would most likely be her. But right now we are two-income-dependant. So she can't quit her job just yet. We don't live "beyond our means" but we have a lot of expenses. We have zero credit card debt, but we have a mortgage, two car payments (Here in South Florida you need two cars, our public transportation sucks!), home owners insurance, flood insurance, car insurance, medical school loan payments, home owners association fees, property taxes, health insurance, etc, etc, etc. I left out quite a bit but you get the picture.

My wife is considering going into teaching which would give her shorter working days and allow her more time with our daughter. She would be taking a pay cut but we should be able to manage. I guess I'll have to buy less DVD's :frowning:. We'll see how that pans out.

As much as we hate the idea of daycare, for now, its seems its our only option.

Anyway, this week went well. Still haven't gotten too much done around the house, but my daughter is great! Each morning after I clean her and change her I take a few pictures and email them to my wife at work. She loves it.

 

[Peter Burtch]

Hi Lanie,

Would you mind sharing what those inappropriate issues were? Ditto for the programs you were trying to help implement. May I ask- were they curriculum-based programs or extra-curricular educational activities(?) I am just trying to get a sense of what some other folks not in my area may be experiencing in their own school districts regarding funding . My wife & I will start to (hopefully) become more plugged into this sort of thing when our daughter is closer to school age. From the little I know so far, I have landed in a fairly decent school district.

regards,
Pedro

 

[LanieParker]

Regarding the inappropriate issues in the classroom there just happens to be a group of children that are involved in taunting other kids and bullying them. Alot of these children are also teaching my 7 year old some things that I find to be completely inappropriate, such as certain 4 letter words, sex jokes, bashing of homosexuals and black people.

Now my daughter and I talk about these things and I feel that she understands never to use certain words towards other people and to treat all people with respect, but I feel that the situation has just gotten way out of control and their seems to be an issue with the parents of these children, showing no signs of caring about this. They have been spoken to by the teachers on more than one occassion and have expressed no concern and have the "children will be children" attitude. This bothers me a great deal.

Regarding the programs, They were educational clubs (spanish clubs, science clubs, NSD and a few others)that the school has offered after school. The thing is many parents express concern over the costs of these programs and how many children are left out due to financial reasons. Right now it's already getting to be hard to afford to put two or more children into sports/art programs and then the schools make it even harder when they offer these programs that my children really want to do, but we can't afford it. It's just frustrating when the school doesn't really take into consideration that parents like myself are willing to volunteer to make these clubs, programs more affordable by offering our time and skills.

After doing much research on homeschooling in my state, I have discovered so many fabulous resources for programs offered to homeschoolers at affordable prices. They have an amazing network and support group for parents who homeschool. Much better than what the public school system offers for their families.

I know I am making the right decision and with these homeschool groups and programs, I know my kids will thrive and get the socialization they need.



http://www.hslda.org/ this is a great site.

 

[Micheal]

Are you going to let your children play with other children? If so you will still run into the same problem. Most of this kind of thing goes on in the school yard, not in class. Same thing also goes on when children are playing alone. Let it be the park or your backyard. Teach them what is right and wrong and they will make the right choices, regardless of home schooling or public.

For what it's worth, I grew up in a similar environment (catholic/public schools) and have nothing but respect for homosexuals and african americans/canadians.

Go figure.

 

[LanieParker]

Oh I completely understand that things like this occur anywhere, but my main concern is the fact that the school doesn't seem to be handling this properly and it's allowed to continue. I talk with them and teach them right from wrong. They know what is good and bad behavior.

Of course I plan on letting my kids play with other children. I am not going to shelter them by any means. Homeschooling them isn't my way of hiding them from the "evils" of the world or anything.

My girls hang out with many kids in the sports and arts classes that they are signed up in after school. So it's not like they don't have contact with kids. They have friends over to their house and they go to their friends homes.

My main concern is their education. With the amount of time that teachers spend disciplining the "problem" children they miss the valuable time teaching those who are really there to learn.

 

[Mike Voigt]

One thing that has worked for us is a babysitter close by. She regularly has several children, all about our son's age, over for care. She's also great with children.

Might want to look for one of those. They're hard to come by, we found ours through a friend's recommendation to a friend of my sister-in-law...

Mike

 

[Vlad D]

Well my wife and I came to a big decision in the past few days. We decided that she is going to quit her job and stay home with Satine. We have not been comfortable with the idea of daycare since day one, and everything came to a head after we went and registered her the other day. We left there feeling very uncomfortable. That night we sat down had a long talk and looked over our finances and decided that with some sacrifices it would be best if my wife stayed home. At least for a year, maybe two. As I said before we are two-income dependent, but we calculated that by my temporarily stopping my 401K contributions, getting a deferment/forbearance on my med school loans, and trimming some fat from our expenses we can swing it.

This is a big step for my wife, and I'm very proud of her for making what's IMO a very brave move. She has been at her company for nine years, she loves her job and her co-workers, has a great position and salary, and her boss is a super-nice guy. He even told her yesterday that the door is always open and that she can come back at anytime.

It's amazing, but as soon as we made the decision we instantly felt relieved. There is nothing wrong with daycare, and millions of people do it, but for us and our daughter we felt it was not the right choice.

I'll keep you guys updated.

 

[Drew Bethel]

Vlad, remember that post I made a while back?

I'm happy for you guys and your story sounds so familiar to ours. Reduced 401k, no cell phones, cancelled directv, preparing 95% of all meals at home, etc has actually brought us closer together as a family. I'm not ready to give up my DSL though!

Money is a strange medium. A year or two will fly by and you won't even miss it...we're coming up on one year this June. When we go back to two incomes in a couple of years we will be so accustomed to living below are means that a full salary will be allocated to paying of my wife's student loans and maxing out our 401ks.

Congrats on making a tough decision.

 

[Vlad D]

Thank you. Definitely a hard decision but the right one.