Mr.Average Brit

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Steve Christou, May 22, 2002.

  1. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    This was in The Sun today, Britains biggest selling newspaper (sorry to say).
    Britain's Mr.Average is....
    ...is an overweight 35-year-old who owns 16 pairs of pants.
    ...is also 5ft 10in. He goes to the loo six times a day.
    He has been married for five-and-a-half years, has sex twice a week and finds it boring.
    The sessions last three minutes and one second(!), his aroused manhood measures seven inches and he has had eight sexual partners after losing his virginity at 17.
    His dream is to own a Ferrari, and the crime he fears most is the theft of his car.
    If he was sentenced to death Mr Average would order a steak as a final meal.
    NEARLY half of British lads who go on men-only holidays cheat on their girlfriends, a survey has revealed (hmm I thought that was the point of going on men-only holidays!).[​IMG]
    Favourite places for romps included swimming pools, nightclubs and bars. And 80 per cent had unprotected sex.
    Yikes, I'm speechless.[​IMG]
    I'm fairly fit, 6ft, not married, have sex more than twice a week, sessions last longer than 3mins (sometimes 5mins!!) do not find it boring, don't dream of having a Ferrari (liar!).[​IMG]
     
  2. Cees Alons

    Cees Alons Moderator
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    ... and the seven inch, Steve? Or was the "6ft" referring to that?


    Cees

    PS.
    What in the world is mr. Average B. doing with a ruler in his hands when he's aroused? Besides, apparently, measuring his uhm.. hood, that is. One might have other distractions.
    C.
     
  3. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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  4. Frank Anderson

    Frank Anderson Cinematographer

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    I heard this news as well this morning.

    You forgot to tell it all.

     
  5. andrew markworthy

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    If the mean time is 3 minutes, that means that half are likely to be shorter than this. Another statistic is that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. Go figure.
     
  6. Julian Reville

    Julian Reville Screenwriter

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  7. Jack Briggs

    Jack Briggs Executive Producer

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    Well, doesn't seem much different from Mr. Average Yank.

    No wonder women think most men are Neanderthal lunks.
     
  8. Fredrik E

    Fredrik E Stunt Coordinator

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  9. Denward

    Denward Supporting Actor

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    I think the world is grateful that average Brit is not Steve Christou. Can you imagine an entire country of Christous?!!! Run away..Run away!!!!
     
  10. Grant B

    Grant B Producer

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    Oh my God!
    An entire nation of Al Bundys (Married with Children Fame)
    And Scottish men would be Rab C Nesbit lookalikes?
     
  11. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

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  12. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

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    twice a week?! sounds good to me right now [​IMG]
     
  13. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    Well The Sun today had what Mrs Average Brit is like...

    He boasts of having sex TWICE a week but a Sun survey today reveals she is only at it ONCE a week (well she should have been there!).

    She estimates her partner’s manhood to be only five inches when aroused (eek!), which means either she is a poor judge of size — or he has been telling fibs (hey my willy is 5inches BEFORE I get aroused, no I'm not a fibber, shurrup!).
    Sessions in bed last an average of 23mins!
    She lost her virginity at 16 and has had 7 partners.

    Her dream car is a Mercedes Convertible.

    Our survey also found Mrs Average is 38, is a size 14, has curves of 37-30-40 and can expect to live to 80.

    Her wardrobe is far bigger than his. She has 24 pairs of knickers, 34 pairs of socks, tights and stockings and 16 skirts and trousers.

    Over her lifetime she will spend 67,005 hours applying and taking off make-up — equal to 7.65 YEARS!!

    ps. Mr.Average spends 3,350 hours of his life shaving.
     
  14. Derrik Draven

    Derrik Draven Supporting Actor

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  15. Cees Alons

    Cees Alons Moderator
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    Apparently, not all that 3 mins sex twice a week involves women.

    Cees
     
  16. Mark Romero

    Mark Romero Second Unit

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    What the hell is a "loo"??
     
  17. Fredrik E

    Fredrik E Stunt Coordinator

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    it's the toilet.
     

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