Match.com (or similar) experiences (1 Viewer)

[Jason Harbaugh]

Cameron, Yeah watch as we all end up making bogus female profiles just to see the reactions. LOL I also have found quite a few that will post quasi-celeb photos in their profile hoping no one will notice. Haven't tried Friendster yet, but probably should.

To continue on eharmony, I left my profile there for a month, and finally got an email from eharmony stating that do to my lack of activity (how can I be active with no matches) that they were removing my profile. To rub salt in the wound, I tried the detailed personality profiler on Match and my end result was that I'm compatible with 5% of the population! What on earth are these things supposed to prove? Guess that whole "I'm looking for a nice, respectable, sincere, passionate, sensitive yet strong, and funny guy" thing is bullshit. They all want the bad boys that will treat them like crap.

The last girl that I met on Match that I thought I had a good thing going with was a couple months ago. We went out 4 times, and each time it was great. Great conversations, lots in common, lots of laughs. We talked about ex's and hers she really hated. Said that he treated her bad, never paid attention to her so she broke up with him. Ok, so I call her up after one of our dates and out of no where she says, "I don't really want to get serious with anyone. I broke up recently and so I just want some 'me' time." Alrighty then. About a week later I find out that she went back with her ex. Figures. Fast forward another week, I talk to her again, and guess what, he broke up with her. Bahh, women, they don't know what they want.

Josh, Good luck on your recent find!! I have high hopes for my latest as well, but probably won't be able to see her now until after New Years because of schedules.

 

[Citizen87645]

Well, I'm actually on email #2 with someone who winked at me. Probably won't hear from her until after the New Year but I'm feeling pretty indifferent at this point. Not sure about the physical thing either.

I took Match's physical attraction test. I came out as being "picky," which I was already aware of but it was nice to have it thrown in my face (not exactly proud of it) I kind of get a kick out of those things, as half-baked as the results can be sometimes.

 

[Citizen87645]

The more I read the more I felt like I was in Magnolia's Frank Mackey seminar. Is that what inspired it? Can't say I've reached the point of the male version of "The Rules."

 

[Danny Tse]

One of my other options is joining my family on a trip to Hong Kong and China and getting introduced to women there. I know there are certain types of guys who would salivate over such a prospect. Though I am open to the idea I have less than zero expectation of anything happening in that approach given cultural differences and communication barriers. Although this did work for my dad, I can definitely say I'm looking for something different.

You are absolutely right regarding cultural differences....you can be gentlemanly (by Western standards), and the girls over there will not be able to appreciate your efforts. To be REALLY HONEST, I have gone that route myself.

Following up on the link I posted earlier, I will try to contact one of the girls at the show and see what happens.

 

[Citizen87645]

Hey Danny. I'm curious to hear about your experience. Personal message me if you're open to sharing.

 

[ThomasC]

The more I read the more I felt like I was in Magnolia's Frank Mackey seminar.

 

[Yee-Ming]

Though I am open to the idea I have less than zero expectation of anything happening in that approach given cultural differences and communication barriers.

I agree. Put it this way, I have gone out (in the past, happily married now) with girls who, though here in the same country, were, shall we say, less westernised than me, and it was quite difficult to find common ground, least of all the language barrier (my Mandarin's passable, but not good, and vice versa). In your case, the complications must be multiplied many-fold.

 

[Artur Meinild]

I've also tried e-dating a bit on and off for the last couple of years. The last service I used seriously was called Soulmate, and this was a pay-site where you had to register to be able to conact people (you could create a profile for free).
I've had several contacts, and even a few dates using that site, but what amazes me the most is the amount of women who never write back on a polite letter. If I wrote 10 letters, I would get 1 reply. I even added to my profile under the section "what are you looking for in a future partner" the line: "someone who knows how to answer electronic mail!" and I also added to my letters: "Unfortunately, I've been experiencing a very low rate of replies. I hope you will lift yourself over the average and at least answer this letter even if you're not interested." or something like that...
The funny thing was that it actually increased the number of replies slightly, but it is amazing that you actually have to fight to get an answer out of these women. I mean how hard is it to write back: "Sorry, not interested." It is a lot better than not writing back at all, but it seems most women don't get that.
Well, anyway I talked to some nice girls indeed, but none where everything seemed to fit. I was aware that this task would be close to impossible, since I have some very high demands to how and what my future partner should be like.
Then the extraordinary thing happened - I met a girl in real life who was simply amazing. She was auditioning for a position as clean vocalist in our band, and the first time we met her it felt for all of us like we had known her all our life. I will not get into further detail here, but the funny thing is that the exact date where my registered membership of soulmate expired I kissed her for the first time.
That was about 14 days ago, and I'm doing everything in my power to make this relationship work, because I know this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. Fortunately, I also know she thinks I'm the nicest guy in the world, so I just continue being that there should be no problems...
Is there a point to this story? I don't know, but at least it is important to meet people in real life, because you can never fully judge their personality by emails, messengers or even phone. And regarding ethnicity - well, the girl I met is egyptian (or at least her parents are, she is a danish citizen)! I never, ever in my life thought I would fall for a woman with an ethnic background like this, go figure...

 

[Andy Sheets]

I think if you show too much interest, especially too quickly, it appears to them that you are very desperate and will settle for just about anyone or anybody...and they don't want that.

Yes, the Tao of Steve agrees: Be desireless

 

[Citizen87645]

I can speak Toi San dialect and my Cantonese is passable, but this is only a functional ability. Forget about having any deep conversations. If it wasn't important to me to express how I feel/think or for the other person to understand, then it would probably work.

If I think about who would be most compatible, it would likely be a fellow Chinese or Asian American. But I don't live in a place with much of an AA community and if I'm representative then the lack of said community creates its own problems. Namely, the tendency to be attracted to anglos. I didn't feel an attraction to Asians until I was in my mid-20s. I could recognize Asian women as being pretty but I never got a "punch in the gut" reaction. I was very close to a Korean American girl in college but I never felt physically attracted to her. That's not the only reason we didn't get together, but it was a factor.

I've talked about this with my dad, whose situation was even more extreme. He grew up in a rural community of about 1000. His was the only Chinese family in town; his only Chinese female reference sisters. Consequently when he met Chinese women there was a real absence of attraction, feeling dating or marrying them was like being with his sisters. I don't know what turned him with my mom, but then he was 38 when he finally married and my mom was quite a beauty at (gasp) 18! Again, there's a certain type of guy who would go nuts at this idea - 18 and Asian!

 

[Danny Tse]

My dad was over 20 years older than my mom; they met when she was still a teenager. I always kid my mom about dad hitting on her when she was probably still "underaged" . Yet they were married for over 30 years until my dad passed away about 8 years ago.

Assuming those little photos on that forum at the profiles are genuine, you should start PM'ing Apple

Isn't Apple the forbidden fruit? I agree with you, BTW.

 

[Citizen87645]

My parents are still going strong - 37 years.

 

[Tom Meyer]

I think I've posted on a couple other of these threads but hopefully I can impart some new info ...

I've been doing it off and on for 3-4 yrs. It probably sounds crazy but I've met and gone out with at least 100-125 different women in that time and while nothing has really turned into anything *really* long term, I have had 3 or 4 whom I have continued seeing for a few months at a time. Of the rest, I'd say 70-80% were "one and out" dates (either on my end or her's) with the others going somewhere between 2-6 but not getting any further for whatever reason. In that same time I've also dated a girls I've met 'offline'.

The one I'm currently trying is nerve.com (which uses the same system as the Onion & Salon) as the girls on Match just didn't seem to be my type. It's much edgier and tends to have more of the artsy types that I dig Some quick comments that I haven't seen mentioned yet:

- If you get an email from someone you're not interested in, don't worry about just not responding. It's pretty much the etiquette. Likewise, don't be a tool and keep emailing (let alone mean, nasty emails) to girls who don't respond to your emails. If they ain't interested, it's not like they have to give you a reason.

- Try to move from email to the phone to a date as quickly as possible. Avoid weeks/months without actually meeting as your expectations will get *way* too high.

- If you get to the phone w/ someone and it just doesn't work and you really don't want to meet that person, what I've done once or twice is just say "I'm not sure what my schedule is this week so I'll give you a call back". This probably makes me out to be an ass but what can you do.

- Like Jason said, NO FORM LETTERS.

- I have met a bunch of people sans pictures. Some have turned out very, very cute. Others have been, uh, less so. Granted, I'm no Cary Grant myself, but at least I put a pic up so they know what to expect.

- On that note, make sure to have a *recent* photo. I've seen pics of 30-25 year old women that were obviously taken in their college sorority days. Big no-no. Digital cameras make it pretty simple for *anyone* to get a photo online nowadays so there really isn't an excuse for not having an up to date photo.

- My first dates have ranged from drinks to museums to sitting on my back porch to spending $100 on dinner so it all kinda depends on your feeling about the girl.

- The only kind of annoying/humorous thing I've found about the whole process (esp. match.com) is the # of women who are like under 5'5" who say that they just *have* to have a guy that's 5'10"+ because they "like to wear heels". I even saw one girl who was like 5'1" saying that. Am I bitter cuz I'm "only" 5'8" ? Probably. But I'm just waiting for the section where I can specify that I really don't want anyone who's less than a 34C But, realistically, everyone has their physical type and I don't pretend that I fit that bill for everyone.

- Don't feel guilty about going out with multiple girls at the same time. On many occasions, I've seen 2 or 3 different women in the same week and once had different 1st dates on Thursday, Friday, Sat & Sun !

- The amt of responses I get seems to go in phases. Things will be dormant for a few months and then go gangbusters for a while. Whether this corresponds to the weather or lunar phases, who knows.

- Like a few people have said, the ratio of guys:girls seems to be astronomical so again, don't get bummed if someone doesn't reply.

- The key is to just have low expectations and have fun.

 

[BryanZ]

Tried it. Not doing it now. Let's be honest, girls say they want someone who will treat them with respect and are nice. The problem with that is most of those guys are boring. They want excitement. They want a tough guy who they know will protect them but will treat them like crap (pardon my French here) as long as they are together.

If you are an average average guy who isn't into the bars, clubs, dancing, or alcohol your odds range from not so great to slim. If you are divorced those odds go down even further. However, if you are 6' and are exactly what I listed just before this sentence your odds increase dramatically.

I enjoy going out on dates but I also like to know where something is going and it is much easier to figure that out if you are concentrating on one person rather than two or more. To me it seems as if dating has gone from being a date to more of a job interview and "what can you offer me". This is life, not a game show.

But I also take it as I am being too picky, asking for a person to be honest and have moral standards they will not compromise.

Ironically enough, very few women have ever been able to answer this question: If you meet a person you have talked to online how is that different from meeting someone else for the first time at a bar or club? The only difference is the medium used.

Then again, I wrongly state I am looking for a date for that is truly not what I am looking for. Indeed, I am searching for a wife/best friend/partner/lover/etc. I am searching for that wonderfully special lady who is willing to let me treasure her and will treasure me and who wants a marraige for life rather than a partner for a few years. Who will let us be intimate in all aspects of life rather than in just one and will always give me her input on issues for this is not a dictorship and I often can be wrong and need to change my point of view.

Perhaps that is looking and asking for too much in todays society. But you never know and there is always hope for a bright future.

 

[Citizen87645]

Maybe I'm naive - I don't discount that being a factor - but all the women I know AND respect don't fit this description. They have husbands/boyfriends who are kind, treat them well and are average/boring just like the rest of us. In many ways those friendships are what continue to give me hope.

 

[Bill Williams]

Bryan, I could not agree with you more. I'm 6'4" tall, 218 pounds, the same build and size as Christopher Reeve and Liam Neeson (seriously!). Before I met my fiancee', you'd have thought that I would have had lots of attractive women beating down my door when I was younger, especially in my 20's, but to be honest, I didn't. I was seen as a "nice guy, but..." by just about every woman I met. When that dangling "but..." hung out there into infinity, that was usually the death knoll for any potential dating situation.

And I refused to compromise my morals and standards about what I wanted in a woman, not just for a date but for a long-term friendship/relationship/marriage. There was this one woman I remembered who put her "ideal man" on a pedestal so high, she couldn't reach it, and she would brag about wanting to marry a prince or a millionaire and live in a castle or mansion. Then in the next breath she said that I needed to lower my standards to a heartbeat and a pulse, that anything else didn't matter. That just made me angry as all get out. Come to find out, a couple of years after that I signed up on Christian Matchmaker, and this very same woman was on there as well, and her profile was as puffed up as her real-life ego! She eventually found out that her pride went before her fall.

But to be honest, as I moved from my 20's into my 30's, I found out that there are more divorced women out there than there are never-married women. The majority of the women I dated in my 30's (with the exception of about two or three) were divorced with one child, and I noticed this statistic recurring over the last decade more and more. One woman I met through Christian Matchmaker told me that the reason she had four children was because she didn't want five, and she was very angry and moody, the total opposite of her profile.

Sounds to me like you've got your priorities right on target and you know exactly what you want in a woman, Bryan. I was the same way, I held out, didn't compromise my values and beliefs at all, and I was finally blessed with my fiancee' April. She brings out the best in me, loves me for me, and lifts me up to a higher standard, and I do likewise for her. Are we perfect people? No. Are we perfect for each other? Yes. We both enjoy many of the same things, speak the same language, have the same belief system. And believe it or not, we met through an online service, SingleC!

Perseverance does pay off for those who are diligent and who hold true to what they believe.

 

[Andy Sheets]

Maybe I'm naive - I don't discount that being a factor - but all the women I know AND respect don't fit this description. They have husbands/boyfriends who are kind, treat them well and are average/boring just like the rest of us. In many ways those friendships are what continue to give me hope.

Same here. Most of the women I'm friends with are actually pretty genuine when it comes to getting involved with good guys. I've also encountered my share of women who definitely fit into that category of saying they want one kind of guy only to throw themselves at someone who looks hot on a dance floor, but I just figure that means they're either shallow or immature and not a reflection on women in general

 

[Mary M S]

Began Quote: "Then in the next breath she said that I needed to lower my standards to a heartbeat and a pulse, that anything else didn't matter." End Quote

….what a horror of a female, am mortified by my sex. Apologies for her whole gender. Leaves the room.
Wishes you all the best of luck. I promise we are not all ….

"Is anybody there? Does anybody care. Does anybody see what I see?” (normal people)
1776

 

[Joe Spratley]

My short answers on this subject:

1. The lower you are on the looks scale the lower your responses will be.
2. Most people suffer from a marketing problem. If you look at the ads most are very similar. Everyone wants to go hiking, biking, traveling, and museums. You have to find a way to stand out without being corny or bragadocious.
3. Read "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" and target your message to female mentalities and desires.
4. Men like to move too fast. Women operate on a different time frame. Play it cool and the desire will build.
5. I second Jason's recommendation of the Don Juan site www.sosuave.com Mostly good articles.
6. For what not to do go to www.waytoopersonal.com
7. You wouldn't want a response from 90% of these people anyway. Most are carrying more baggage than TWA. One good response is better than 100 nut cases beating down your door, phone, and email account.

 

[Chris]

Yep, or dependant on what you are after, there are always websites such as adultfriendfinder.com / alt.com / bondage.com

Basically, there is a website for any kind of "love connection" anyone could possibly be after to find someone right for them.

My wife & I met through the internet, though not through any of these services, seven years ago; met in person, and a year later we were married *laugh* talk about geeks. Still very happy