Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table (1 Viewer)

[Bryan X]

FOXNews.com - Man Faces Charges for Having Sex With Picnic Table - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News


This is in Ohio and it's freakin' cold there now. They said it was a metal picnic table and he was completely nude. You'd think he would have frozen his balls off.

 

[Justin Lott]

Damn did his hand make him sleep on the couch last night or something?

 

[Bryan X]

All the cute blow-up dolls must have turned him down.

 

[Nathan*W]

I wonder if the table will take the stand against him...

 

[Jay H]

"please raise your left stool and repeat after me"

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

Er, you guys ever notice how big around the hole for a picnic umbrella is? So if this guy could get pleasure from... I mean, if he was big enough to... If he and the table were, um, compatible...

Hey. A picnic table may have been this guy's only option.



Regards,

Joe

 

[Jay H]

The article states he did the table 4 times!!

Jay

 

[Scott Merryfield]

Good thing the table was metal and not wood. Splinters... ouch!

 

[drobbins]

How would you feel if you were a friend who had been over for a barbeque recently?

 

[Dave Poehlman]

LOL! How would like to be his wife.... "uh.. yeah... my husband left me for.... a picnic table"


It doesn't say a whole lot for her personality.

 

[KurtEP]

Wow, that's not too far from me. I have some tables for sale, perhaps I should contact him. They're cherry, so I suppose that equates to a redhead in his world? He'll have to drill his own hole, though.

 

[andrew markworthy]

When you've all finished having a good snigger, just think what life must be like for those kids at the moment.

Cases of paraphilia can be funny in the abstract, but naming names is just plain wrong when there are innocent people involved as well. Heck, the guy hasn't even been brought to trial.

 

[Nathan*W]

From the article's title, I don't think he'd have a problem drilling things.

EDIT: Oh, and for the record, I never read the article, just the title as posted here, so I feel entitled to a little snigger.

Now, that I know that this fellow has children, I do feel sorry for them, but no more so than for any child whose parent is accused of an unusual crime.

 

[Bryan X]

Yeah, wood on wood... could have started a fire.

 

[Jay H]

..and I will have a really hard time taking out the picnic table this summer..

Jay

 

[Christ Reynolds]

Father of 3 what? Chairs?

CJ

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

So will he.

Joe

 

[Greg_S_H]

Obviously, picnic tables don't need to be taken out before they'll give you sex.

 

[Joseph DeMartino]

The charges, much like his pants, have been dropped.

Regards,

Joe

 

[Jay H]

Laws, Acts, and Legislation

A very very cursury search for Ohio public lewdness laws, it sounds like it should be a misdemeaner unless he has a convicted history of previous acts and or the school was in session. I didn't see a mention whether the guy did the table when school was in session or say in the middle of the night. He'd have to almost have pleaded guilty of convicted three times before this becomes a felony, just because there was a school nearby, doesn't mean that there was kids there to view it.... and because he was seen 4 times before doing the same table, he wasn't convicted or pleaded guilty to those 4 times...

The poor table... :frowning:

Jay