Man Did I Ever "f" Up (1 Viewer)

[Aurel Savin]

Louis ...
I am with the other guys on this and would say that she is in the wrong here, not you ...but
having gone through something similar lately, I would say that since she has been screwed recently in a divorce, you might have brought back something that night that reminded her of her X .... I am no shrink, but from my experiences when people overreact to pretty normal situations it is because they went through them before and caused them heartache ... and they think that it will happen again.
I would investigate along those lines.
But then again I am hung over from last night as I am typing this ... so I could be wrong
Proceed with caution!

 

[Joe McCabe]

Sorry man, but I think you are too close to the situation to see clearly. No shame in that, it's happened to all of us.

But, it sounds like you are really being manipulated by her. If you are being completely truthful about what happened, and I assume you are, she really seems to be a bit unstable.

What did you do so wrong?? She suggests breaking up with you (while you're intoxicated), because you wouldn't answer a provacative question, and you're the bad guy??

Now you are placed in a position of begging forgiveness for reacting to a situation that she created?

Think about that for a second.

Remember, the way you handle this, will set the course for the rest of your relationship.
If she can turn something as simple as this into a relationship ending situation, what else is in store for you?

I hope you can resolve this to your liking, but chalk me up in the "lose her" column.

Sorry.

 

[Steve Enemark]

Joe is 100% correct. It sounds to me like she's looking for an excuse to break up. She's manipulating the hell out of you, and you need to call her on it, or get the hell out of this relationship.
Remember: you don't "have to get her back". There are plenty of other women out there.

 

[Patrick_S]

I've got to agree with every point made in Joe's excellent post.

It can't be said enough, you are simply too close to the situation to see it clearly.

I'll also have to be chalked up in the "lose her" column.

 

[Luis S]

Hmm,Looks like other do share my opinions on this matter. Look Louis I can imagine its ver hard to hear these things from some of us right now.And Im sorry I had to coe out and say what I did.But you know what? The HTF is like a close cicle of friends,family even.Were here for better or worse when you need an outside opinion.Your sweetheart has got some major issues,there is no doubt,Wheather shes had bad experiences in the past or not you need to step back and see what we all do and decide if you want to continue this relationship.She,by her actions,seems obsesive,paranoid,EXTREMELY insecure,and highly unstable.Could her issues be worked through? Speaking from experience,possibly,but not likely.She more than likely some kinda counsling.Whoever messed her up did a hell of a job.Her overreacting just is not normal.I hope you can see things a little different after reading our replies,I know it sounds cold but 3 months aint much as far as relationships go. Please consider the possiblity that you may need to leave her.Once your in to deep,the drama will never end.

Good luck,

Luis S

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

I hardly think there is enough information in this thread to be judging either of the participants in this situation. What we do know is that a touchy subject was broached while people were severely intoxicated, which led to an ugly situation.

I haven't met a woman yet that I could respect who wouldn't be upset if I became an asshole while raving drunk. It hardly qualifies them as being a psycho. Regardless of the catalyst, the point is your behaviour changed when you became too intoxicated, and this has changed her perception of you. Your failure to be sensitive to her by being unreliable and not calling when you said you would has compounded her insecurities.

You need to sit down and discuss all of this stuff if you want to keep this relationship.

Of course, you can take the easy way out and just write her off, but don't be surprised if your next girlfriend gives you the same treatment should you get into the same drunken state again. People do not have to put up with that kind of behaviour, and especially if they have had past experiences with alcoholics, they know where it can lead.

Being drunk may explain your reaction, but it is not an excuse for it.

 

[Rain]

Let me understand this.

She asked you about the threesome thing and you wisely opted to "plead the fifth." Then she got all pissed off and threatened to break up with you?

If the above is correct, here's my advice: dump her ass now!

If you continue the relationship, it is very likely that she will continue this sort of thing and, in fact, that it will get worse and worse. In which case you would be, to quote one of my favourite movies, "entering a world of pain."

Get out while the getting is good.

 

[Cam S]

Jeff Ulmer, I couldn't have said it better myself.

We need to know way more details about what happened to be able to give advice like "Dump the broad" or whatever.

 

[Louis Stettiner]

Hello All
Rain When She was saying the whole "Break Up" Thing she said as a JOKE . I took it the wrong way and freaked. She was asking me what she did wrong to have me act like that.
I told her saying that
OK now on to the Good stuff.
The Whole reason for me to call her Friday was to make plans for last Night(Saturday) and Go to see a band at the club where we First met (3 months to the day) Well since I didn't call her until Saturday she thought it would be best for us not to see each other last night. Well being The nice Guy that I am I said that she should go with her friends and Have a great time. I then had to call all of my friends and tell them the skinny on this whole thing, No prob. I went over the house of my BEST Friends in the world where they Gave me words of Wisdom and how to handle this thing. It was what I needed
I Was on my way out today to get a cup of Coffee and I gave her a call to see if she would Like me to pick up a cup for her as well. She said no But I would love to have breakfast with you instead. So during Breakfast she told me how hard it was to be there at the club Without me and every time she heard a song that we always dance to she thought of me
We spent the whole day together. Went to Breakfast. went to the park to go on the Swings (her Idea) From There we went to the batting cages, played Pinball, then went to my Bros. house to watch the pats Game where we had a few beers Pizza the whole Nine yards.
i just got home 15 minutes ago after spending an awesome day with her. Then I had to ask "So are we OK" She said A very Big YES Not 100% but pretty damn close. Come on its only been a day.
THANK YOU all for your words of wisdom and support. This is like a family here.

 

[Mark Romero]

Top of the page.

Congrats, dude.

 

[Louis Stettiner]

Mark KUNBANWAH. DOMO. DOZO YARISHKU (SPELLING ON ALL)

BEERU DES KAH

 

[Jeff Ulmer]

Louis, I'm glad things are working out for you. Relationships are volitile undertakings, and miscommunication can have serious consequences. Add a bit of alcohol and BOOM! People are complicated, and you can never know how someone is going to react under different circumstances. As you discovered, you mistook her joke, which in turn caused her to react to you. The hardest thing to do is to try to understand another person, especially when there is an emotional investment.

 

[Cam S]

Awsome to hear Louis!!!!

 

[Bob Sheen]

Good luck Louis !

There might be a good movie hidden in your story smewhere !

Bob

 

[Louis Stettiner]

I am Jacks Mending Relationship

 

[Mark C Sherman]

Good Luck Louis.

Let us Know how everything goes

 

[Aurel Savin]

Good to hear that everything worked out ...
Sounds like she might have gotten some rational advice from her friends as well ...
You must be a real find for her dude

 

[Ryan Wright]

Now you are placed in a position of begging forgiveness for reacting to a situation that she created?

The classic turn-around. She does or says something she shouldn't have, and it's all your fault.
Anyway, most of this posting is moot now that you're back together. I wish you luck, but I advise you to tread lightly. And, oh, a little less alcohol in the future, mmmKay?

 

[Steven K]

Louis,

It's been stated in this thread already, but she really does sound like a psycho... maybe not a psycho, but totally controlling. Sounds like she has piss-poor self esteem, and she finds esteem and power in telling you how you screwed up. Of course she'll take you back, but this will happen again.

 

[Moe Maishlish]

Dude, DUDE! DUDE!!!!
WAKE UP!
These kinds of situations enrage me!
Listen - I've been around this block more than a few times. You're the puppet, and she's pulling your strings.
It's not just women that can play these kinds of mind games though - men are just as likely to pull this crap as well.
So she's angry that you didn't call her to find out how she was doing? Oh I'm sorry, she must have one of them new fangled phones without any buttons. The amazing thing about a telephone is that you can make phonecalls as well as recieve them!
It's very obvious to me that she's playing the controlling game here, and you're falling right into her hands. I understand the urge that you may be feeling - that she's "the one", and that you're looking for "something serious".... but ponder this.....
You've been with her for 3 months, and she's playing some cheap mindgames with you. She's pulling the "sensitive victim" routine on you, where you've already apologized profusely for something that's really not *that* bad. If she's going to act this way after three months, what do you think is in store for you two 3 years down the road? Do you really think things will get better?
How do you think she'll react when you are offended by something she has said and/or done? Do you think she'll offer you the same courtesy are you appear to be offering her?
Do you really think she's being fair to you? It seems to me like she's being incredibly selfish, and thinking only of herself. You, my friend, are an afterthought.
My advice - ditch her. She will not change, and no, neither will you! If you do choose to end it, Don't end it in a bad way, as it will just generate more problems. Your best bet is a quiet (semi-normal) conversation... tell her that this entire situation has proven to you that you both approach life and problems differently, and that you don't feel that the two of you are able to communicate successfully. You've learned that you're very different people, with different perspectives that are not compatible.
Couples will fight. You will have disagreements. That's a sure thing. The ultimate test is, when you have a fight, do you resolve the issue or end up fighting about fighting?
Those who can resolve an issue (at least, to some extent) are compatible. Those who fight about fighting should realize that bigger problems are afoot.
Moe.