Just plain frustrated

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Brandon_T, Jan 5, 2003.

  1. Brandon_T

    Brandon_T Screenwriter

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    I don't even know where to begin! I am 26 yrs old and am just kinda sick of not finding my way in life. I have a beautiful wife, whom I love with all of my heart, but nothing else makes me happy anymore.

    My wife is a successful teacher at one of the best districts in the area. She is on her way to getting her masters degree and is always requested by parents for the children. I own a small business that isn't overly succesfull, nor am I that intelligent, as you might be able to tell by some spelling.

    Since we have been married, for 3 yrs now, I have made some unwise professional choices. I had a ok job with Sony, but always felt the calling to work for myself. I always wanted to do some business on the internet, but could find nothing but scams. Are there any real startup business on the net? I think more than anything this is the root of my problem. I used to drive a nice car, and have money to take my wife out. Now we are stuck in the middle of remodeling our house with no money.

    I miss having the money to upgrade my HT stuff, or take my wife away for the weekend. We want to have children soon, but can't afford it. UGH

    I want to make her proud of me and feel like such a loser. I don't even know why I am writing this thread, just getting some stuff off of my chest. I never claimed to be a smart person, wasn't any good in school, but I am a hard worker and just am sick of being un-happy. I don't even know what I am asking for! Some advice I guess.

    Thanks,
    Brandon
     
  2. Robert Crawford

    Robert Crawford Moderator
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    Brandon,
    Without knowing more specific details about your personal life, I'm going to give you some advice that's been past on to me. Everyone of us doesn't necessarily have everything we want in life, but what you do have, should be cherish and appreciated accordingly. You're still young and from what I can tell healthy, you have a lovely wife, and a home you're remodeling. Yes, money is tight but it's tight for most people your age. There are very few of us that are lucky enough to get instant gratification and it usually takes hard work and commitment to accomplish anything that's really important in life. You and your wife need to talk and come to an understanding as to what's important for the both of you then map out a plan to achieve your goals and most importantly, stay the course to make it happen with continuing devotion and internal strength. Good luck!




    Crawdaddy
     
  3. Steve Schaffer

    Steve Schaffer Producer

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    Brandon,

    I don't think you should be so down on yourself.

    Although there are 26 year olds with financial success and stability, I think they are far less common than one would be led to believe.

    At the age of 26 I was still living from paycheck to paycheck, writing checks on Wednesday that wouldn't be good until Friday, and occasionally letting the power bill slide a month. I would daresay that's still the norm for many in that age bracket.

    You seem to think you are not of the highest intelligence, yet your post is grammatically correct and the fact that you are even having such concerns is indicative that you're not by any means a dummy.

    Perhaps your personality or talents aren't geared toward jobs or businesses conventionally thought of as leading toward financial success or regarded as "professions." You may be more suited for a career in some less glamorous field. A good plumber or auto technician can easily earn 40-70k a year. These won't make you rich but can be satisfying and earn you a more than decent living.

    There are more ways of measuring success in life than one's financial success or lack thereof.

    My impression is that you've reached a sort of stall in your life and are worried about it, but at your age this is not really uncommon. Midlife crises can actually happen at any age.

    You're actually fortunate in that you are still quite young and not locked into a job that you hate but can't leave for financial reasons.

    I get an impression that you somehow feel you're letting your wife down in some way due to your financial insecurity. I'd strongly suggest you share these feelings with her to get her honest take on the situation, if you haven't already. She sounds like the sort of person who would be able to understand your feelings and I think you two should approach this dilemma as a team.

    I wish you well and am confident that you and your wife will find a course through this no doubt temporary problem.
     
  4. Brandon_T

    Brandon_T Screenwriter

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    Thank you for the kind words and support. My wife understands and says I don't let her down in any fashion. I will take all advice and put it to good use. You don't even know how much it means to me that people listen. Thanks again.

    Brandon
     
  5. Paul Bond

    Paul Bond Stunt Coordinator

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    At 51, I find myself living from paycheck to paycheck. I have a real good job, but unplanned expenses and unwise investments have taken their toll over the past few years.

    However, despite my financial woes, I am HAPPY. With me it is a conscious decision made many years ago. I don't expect everything to work out just fine and never have, but I have chosen to concentrate on the good things in my life and work through the bad ones.

    My advice is to take stock of yourself and determine whether your current concerns are chosen or inflicted. My wife has a sort of chemical depression for which she must taken medication. This is an inflicted depression. Being unhappy because you are not a success is a chosen depression. If you find that you are choosing to be unhappy, then chose to be happy. If not, then go see a doctor or a therapist.

    Once you've taken that step, look at yourself, your career, your family, all the parts of your life and give some thought to which ones are working and which need attention. It sounds like your relationship with your wife is working (but wives ALWAYS need attention!), so that is good. It sounds like your career is not. What can you do? Perhaps you are not cut out to run your own business. So find a job working for someone else. Or perhaps you feel you are, but you don't know what business to run. That's a tough one. There are no guarantees that what you want to do will make enough money to support you. Perhaps you can work at a so-so job while learning a trade evenings and weekends.

    Most importantly, remember the good things in your life.
     
  6. Jason_Els

    Jason_Els Screenwriter

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    Hey Brandon,

    Your wife is very lucky. That you care so deeply about her is quite moving.

    Times like this happen and with the current economy they're happening for many, many, more people including plenty of people who had more money than they thought they would ever have but are now back to square one and a lot of them are older than you. Dotcoms are not the place to be right now. Investors are still feeling burned from the fallout but that will even out with time. Twenty six was a dreadful age. Too young to be middle aged and too old to be part of youth culture.

    I would say, think about what you would really like. Hometheater is an area that is growing despite the economy and a lot of people are investing in them for their homes. I can't say whether Flint is an area where this would be popular but Detroit may be.

    Consider going to school or back to school for what you're interested in. Talk to your wife about it and see if you both can cut a few more corners while you go to school. One very important thing I've learned in life is that nothing you do is permanent unless you want it to be. My cousin left translating work at 32 to go to medical school and now, at 42, she's a doctor. She's working on a pilot's license so she can be a flying doctor in very rural areas of the US and Canada. A world away from translating business contracts in a city office. I am seriously considering leaving networking and doing abnormal adolescent psychology. I used to work as a claims examiner. Go figure.

    Whatever you decide just keep in mind everyone is hunkering down, spending less, and praying they don't get laid-off. Yes people are making some big purchases but they're nearly all the result of low interest rates and cut-rate deals and they're paid for with money saved. Stop thinking about the status icons of success and work to achieve personal satisfaction and financial security. Your wife sounds wonderful and surely knows well the value of education. It's no sin for spouses to lean on each other when the times get tough.

    There is never anything better than happy times spent with loved ones and whether those times happen in a backyard patio or on a yacht in Monte Carlo makes little difference. Live for those moments and appreciate the treasures you do have. With good health, a roof over your head, and food on the table you're doing just fine.

    It's hard for people who are always concerned about the welfare of their loved ones to make their own needs known. Again, be sure to talk it over with your closest friends and family.

    If you feel you are really not sure what types of jobs are good for you then I highly recommend taking some tests to see what would fit you well. I've found them invaluable not only to see what occupations would fit me well but also to confirm my own suspicions. It's amazing not only how enlightening, but actually affirming they can be. If you'd like some links to places I've used and found reputable I'd be happy to share them. Send me an IM or private message here if you're interested.

    Hang in there Brandon, life does this from time to time. You'll get through it and come out wiser for the experience.
     
  7. JasenP

    JasenP Screenwriter

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    Brandon,

    Crawdaddy said it best but let me add this:

    You have a home, I loving wife AND (this is what I am jealous of) the nerve to take a huge chance and open your own business. I would love to be my own boss, but I have never been brave enough to give it a chance. You say it isn't overly successful, but you are 26 and own your own businness.. I know very few people who could say that.

    So many people don't allow themselves to be happy, they are always comparing their lives to others and somehow think they are behind or somehow failed because it seems everyone else is "doing better" than they are..

    Take a couple of steps back from yourself and look around, you'll probably find that you have all you need and can be happy.

    If you think money will solve all your problems and make you happy, thing again. I'll take a cue from P-Diddy (?!) and say "mo' money, mo' problems.

    May I ask, what sort of business do you run?
     
  8. Brandon_T

    Brandon_T Screenwriter

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    Thanks again to everybody who has written with words of encouragement, and advice.

    I have had discussions with Jennifer(wife) about how I feel and she says I am doing a great job, and she knew it would be tough going for a while. She seems to always know everything, truly amazing!

    At my old place of employment I noticed that amongst our monthly bills we were paying $50 a month for someone to clean the windows, just the outside. So I thought, what a great idea, once you have a client list, you have good residual income, and the work isn't very hard. So that is what my business is. Window cleaning. Nothing cool, or glamorous, but it is mine.

    Thanks again to everyone, feels good to get things off your chest.

    Brandon
     
  9. Yee-Ming

    Yee-Ming Producer

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    Jasen said:
     
  10. Ning Wong

    Ning Wong Stunt Coordinator

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    well, i'm not in the exact same situation like you, but i am feeling the same way...

    i hate coming home every day, working 8+ hours a day, and not making more of myself.
     
  11. ben hunt

    ben hunt Stunt Coordinator

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    Brandon, I can only echo the sentiments above. Sometimes I feel the same way. Nothing to show for the time I've put in.

    I'm not sure how old you are but I have a theory that "mid-life crisises" are coming at an earlier age than any time before. I'm 32 and I think that a lot of people my age are having the same feelings.

    Keep your head up and weather the storm. It works for me.
     
  12. Chris Baucom

    Chris Baucom Stunt Coordinator

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    Brandon,

    As you can see, there are plenty of different folks here who can relate to your feelings and experiences. From what I have read, you are ahead of the game in many areas and echo much of what has been said.

    When I was in my 20's (I'm 33 now) someone who I respect highly told me that they loved their 20's but wouldn't go through it again. Think about it, when you are in your 20's you are establishing so much in your life. You get a family going, a career (don't worry, it will happen), usually buy a first home, plus are establishing a family identity away from your childhood home for the first time. That's a lot of stuff to have happen to you in a relatively short time period. Don't be worried if you feel some stress or if things don't happen as fast as you expected.

    A couple of years ago, I became part owner of a company, so feel free to PM me or whatever if you want to ask any questions. I certainly don't claim to be an expert but I can say I have learned a lot of things the hard way.

    Finally, one thing you may want to consider if you haven't already is finding someone who would be willing to be a mentor. That may sound simple or even old-fashioned, but I have learned quite a bit from guys who are more mature and have lived through more in life than I have. Their perspective is often refreshing and you'd be surprised at how readily they'll accept your request for the occasional advice.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  13. Luis S

    Luis S Supporting Actor

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    Brandon,obviously many have had similar experiences to yours.I myself have been in a rut for what seems like forever(bankrupt,uemployed,ect...).Thank god for my wonderful wife,She's my strength along with my family.without them Id be in a very lonely place.Surround yourself with those that love and believe in you.Youll find that as long as they are there for you,you can weather any storm...

    Luis S
     

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