Joke for the day

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Rain, Nov 22, 2001.

  1. Rain

    Rain Producer

    Mar 21, 2001
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    The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...

    Two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the

    circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife. "The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

    The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

    She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
  2. SteveGon

    SteveGon Executive Producer

    Dec 11, 2000
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  3. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

    Apr 25, 2000
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    London, England
    Real Name:
    Steve Christou
    [​IMG] Oh stop that I'm ticklish![​IMG]
    Ok now let me check this thread, bwahahaha, nice one Rain.[​IMG]
  4. Chuck C

    Chuck C Cinematographer

    Jan 6, 2001
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    hahahha ohhh god...nooooo, hahah yeah
  5. Sean Conklin

    Sean Conklin Screenwriter

    Oct 30, 2000
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    [​IMG] That was a good one!
  6. Bruce Hedtke

    Bruce Hedtke Cinematographer

    Jul 11, 1999
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    A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks 'If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The man is so busy looking at his girlfriend that he crashes into a tree. The car flips over, trapping the man and all of his girlfriend's clothes. All that is free of the car is the man's girlfriend and one of his shoes. The man yells, 'You have to go get help. Go to that gas station over there.' His girlfriend says, 'Are you kidding me? I'm naked.' 'Well,' replies the man 'Take my shoe over there, cover up yourself, and go get help.' So the woman covers herself with the shoe and goes to the gas station. She says to an attendant 'You have to help me. My boyfriend's trapped' 'I'm sorry ma'am' the attendant replies, 'he's too far in.'

  7. Drew Bethel

    Drew Bethel Screenwriter

    Nov 22, 1999
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    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

    My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

    My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

    My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

    My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

    My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

    My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

    My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

    My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"

    My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"


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