Is it too much to ask for a nice not complicated girl???

MikeAlletto

Effects Supervisor
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I just met someone really great. We both had a great time and actually went out 2 days in a row. Problem was she just got out of a long relationship (well she had been out of it for 4 weeks). Now I can't get her to go out again cause she says she doesn't know what she wants. She wants to spend time with me, but at the same time she doesn't know. Well last night I'm afraid I totally screwed it up. Basically I told her that I can't just keep hanging on while she sorts herself out. I told her she knows how I feel about her, but it hurts too much for me to just stand by hoping that she'll come around. There is no way for me to help her move on so I told her that the only thing I can think of is for me to just disappear and not talk to her for awhile until she figures out what she wants. I'm not going to email her, call her or instant message her. When she wants to talk again she will have to contact me. At the time it sounded like a good idea, but now I'm not so sure.
Someone out there convince me that I did the right thing???
If its not work that drives me crazy its a woman...
 

Patrick Sun

Studio Mogul
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It's tough to be the "rebound guy". Just be honest, which it sounds you have. If she digs you, and you tell her to make the next step, the ball's in her court, and she'll have to balance getting over the last relationship with the potential rewards of starting one with you.
But, don't mope around, go back to your normal routine before you started taking her out. If she calls, great! If she doesn't, it's not the end of the world. Give her a month. If she's not ready, she'll never be ready FOR YOU.
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Shane Gralaw

Second Unit
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Jul 24, 2001
Messages
298
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KEEP CALLING HER. Otherwise you will be the reliable "stand-by" guy she will contact when she feels the need to be worshipped. Let her come to you- and even then don't seem too eager. If she doesn't call you, then you will know you liked her way more than she liked you and you wouldn't want a relationship with such a disparity in attraction.
Stay aloof; remember- we only pursue the ones who run away...
 

Alex Spindler

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That's going to be a big manual. With all kinds of exception clauses.
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Ryan Wright

Screenwriter
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Now I can't get her to go out again cause she says she doesn't know what she wants.
Stay away from this one. You don't want a girl with issues, and this one's got 'em. I'm reminded of a song by Offspring, "Oh man she's got issues and I'm gonna pay." Find a girl who does know what she wants, because this one is going to be emotionally unstable for years to come, if not for the rest of her life.
If you think about it, it's easy to do. The whole purpose of dating (unless you're just in it for the sex) is to find a potential mate. With that understanding you should be looking for someone with a strong self esteem who isn't afraid to make decisions. Otherwise, you end up with a girl like this one who, 10 years into your marriage, will run off with someone else because she's "confused", or she "doesn't know what (she) wants." That's not the way you want to go.
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-Ryan (http://www.ryanwright.com )
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JonZ

Lead Actor
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"Is it too much to ask for a nice not complicated girl???"
Yes it is.
I agree with Ryan, she sounds like she doesnt know what she wants.If she calls you fine.See whats happens.If not, her loss.If she plays games, run!!!
Everyone has some baggage, but the key is not to let the past interfere with current or future relationships.You have to give each new person the benefit of the doubt and start from scratch every time-no matter how much you were hurt.If not,trouble will always be ahead.
My guidelines are very simple:
Brutal honesty(which alot of people cant handle-Im a Scorpio.I cant help it,I always want to know the truth
),consideration and NO GAMES.She may REALLY not know what she wants, but if I wanted to hear "I dont know" "Im not sure" "I like you but I dont know" or whatever,Id date high school girls.Simply , I'm too old for that stuff.
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[Edited last by JonZ on October 02, 2001 at 01:35 PM]
 

JonZ

Lead Actor
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Double
[Edited last by JonZ on October 02, 2001 at 01:31 PM]
 

Jin E

Second Unit
Joined
Nov 19, 2000
Messages
452
Is it too much to ask for a nice not complicated girl???
Hooohooohooh... Heeeeeheee... HaaaahaaahAAAAAA!!!
Man... that was the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. A "nice not complicated girl"... you might as well have asked for a girl with booster rockets on her feet, swivel arm battle kung-fu grip, and X-ray eyes! Nice... not complicated... that's just too funny!!!
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-Jin
My Theater
 

Micheal

Screenwriter
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Apr 13, 1999
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Mike
Mike, I don't think Jin E meant any harm. It's just that you asked a very loaded question. Everyone's life is complicated and I'm sure that if there were more women on this board they would be saying "I've asked that same question about men a thousand times"

My advice to you is to give her a lot of space, if she likes you she'll come around. Besides, it's sounds like you've only got out a couple of times so she really shouldn't mean all that much to you should she? I mean how well do you really know her anyway?
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SteveGon

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Another rebound guy here. Mike, give her a month or so to figure things out. If she doesn't have things sorted out by then, to hell with it. That sounds tough, but it's what you gotta do. Believe me, I speak from experience...
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Jin E

Second Unit
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Nov 19, 2000
Messages
452
I'm so glad my problems can provide so much joy to others...
oops! My bad! I didn't mean for my comments to be taken that way. Just a poor attempt at sarcasm. Believe me... every man on this board knows what you are going through! We feel your pain. You're getting good advice here though(not counting my crumby post!)
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-Jin
My Theater
 

AdrianJ

Supporting Actor
Joined
Apr 1, 2001
Messages
532
Four weeks isn't much time to cope with the ending of a relationship. Just back off and give her time to adjust to being single again and starting a new relationship. If it is right, she'll decide to come back. Otherwise, there is little else that you can do that will make a positive impact on her. On the other hand, there is quite a bit you can do that will make a huge negative impact!!

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Adrian Jones
 

Eric Scott

Second Unit
Joined
Oct 4, 2000
Messages
313
Four weeks isn't much time to cope with the ending of a relationship
I agree and what is all the rush about to get her to commit to you?
What makes you think love can be extorted from someone through threats, (i.e. play by my rules or I’m picking up my marbles and going home!)
I don’t see any problem with her, it has nothing to do with her. I think you need to examine if her hesitancy makes you feel less than adequate and why you feel "you need" this commitment immediately.
When you meet the nice non-complicated girl who can’t figure this one out, you will not want to commit to her!
 

Tim Markley

Screenwriter
Joined
Jun 12, 1999
Messages
1,279
ALL women are complicated. It sounds to me like you're rushing into things and she's not ready for that. Just back off and give her some space. You need to be friends first. Keep in touch with her but go out with other women. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. You just need to give it time.
 

MikeM

Screenwriter
Joined
Nov 23, 1999
Messages
1,203
"Is it too much to ask for a nice not complicated girl???"
No, it's not.
"Is it too much to ask for a nice not complicated beautiful girl???
Yes, yes, it is.

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Jeff Ulmer

Producer
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Aug 23, 1998
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I'd agree that four weeks is way too short a period of time for someone to respond from a relationship breakup, especially if it had any meaning for them, and now is NOT the time to be getting involved with her. I also don't understand the rush on your part for a commitment, though given the circumstances, her reaction is not unexpected unless she is a cold shallow bitch who is incapable of feelings for anyone and can write off a long relationship in a month. It takes time to sort out things like this.
This doesn't really sound all that complicated either. Throw in a couple of kids, a few ex-spouses, and some background issues that you won't discover for years and you can begin to talk about complicated. This girl is on the rebound, and you don't want to be the rebound guy, unless you are just out to use her, which I hope is not the case.
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