Incompatible Movie Watchers (1 Viewer)

[Jeff Flugel]

There are two words lest I say to my wife will cause her to scream loud enough to spook cattle in Scotland. That can cause her to gouge out her own eyes and eat hair from the shower drain. That would make her drop me faster than grasping the doorknob to Hell and go far past where even busses run. Two words that can never be spoken, seen or even burped by accident.

Jerry Lewis.

I'm with your wife on this one.

 

[Jeff Flugel]

What a handsome and friendly fellow!

 

[Rustifer]

I'm with your wife on this one.

Thank God. I feared I was offending legions of Lewis followers.

 

[PMF]

There are two words lest I say to my wife will cause her to scream loud enough to spook cattle in Scotland. That can cause her to gouge out her own eyes and eat hair from the shower drain. That would make her drop me faster than grasping the doorknob to Hell and go far past where even busses run. Two words that can never be spoken, seen or even burped by accident.

Jerry Lewis.

Looks like all trips to France are off the table...well, at least for her.
New thread idea? Incompatible travelers.

 

[Mysto]

I think earphones are the answer! Uhh - what was the question?

 

[PMF]

That's my wife's reaction when I mention "2001: A Space Odyssey" - if we can have a happy marriage despite her not loving my all-time favorite film, anyone can do it!

Now that's an eye-opener!!

 

[Rustifer]

I think earphones are the answer! Uhh - what was the question?

Ha! I'm staying out of the headphones discussion. My total knowledge of those things could fit in a sewing box thimble and still have room enough for a Tootsie Roll.

But then, my brain can sometimes seem so small that it rattles around my skull like a golf ball in a boxcar.

 

[Winston T. Boogie]

My house isn't big enough that I think I'd run into the same noise issues as Reggie even if I was set up in a spare room.

Well, I do have a tendency to play things at a volume that will rattle your fillings loose. I believe I have suffered some hearing loss due to many years playing in and being around bands. I admit to cranking my amp to Spinal Tap levels for far too many guitar solos. I tend not to notice my hearing loss...maybe I even enjoy it...but others will say to me "Wow, that's loud!"

Anyway, the headphones thing works for my wife because even when she is on the second floor of the house in a room with the door closed she can hear whatever I am playing. So, typically she will just come downstairs and hand me the headphones.

Plus I know at this stage what I can play without bothering her and what I can't. I love all kinds of films, foreign, domestic, every genre, I love nearly everything.

If I am going to put something on I know will bother her, either the images in the film or the sound...I just tell her to avoid the home theater I am watching something you will not want to see. She's not at all a fan of about 99% of horror pictures, certainly avoids war films, crazy violent action films, and generally anything that may be violent or depressing.

The last thing we watched together was the series The Knick...which I thought she would not like but she ended up loving. She says she likes to surprise me. If the show or film is really well made she will watch it just out of respect for the idea that it is wonderfully done. For a class she watched Goodfellas, a film I would not have pulled off the shelf to show her, and she loved it.

She had heard me speak many times about the film No Country for Old Men and based upon all my ravings about it asked to watch it one night. To my amazement she was as captivated by it as I was. I think the thing is though now that she has taught filmmaking and made over 100 films and run her own film festivals she now has an appreciation of quality filmmaking even if it is subject matter she normally would not watch.

 

[TJPC]

“The Walking Dead” is absolutely not my wife’s kind of show — she hates horror and violence. Somehow she became interested when I was playing the Blu ray sets in a room beside her. I was delighted, and although she covered her eyes a lot, we watched it together for a while. All this ended with the arrival of Negan. She can’t even stand the “zombie noises” now. So, if I want to watch my discs I have to wait until she falls asleep.

 

[Mike Frezon]

I would think incompatible taste in movies would be a deal-breaker on marriage in the first place.

I wanted to come back to this, Malcolm...with a resounding no.

Peg and I have the best marriage of any couple I know (although my mom and dad are also to be commended and were at it a lot longer than us!). Of course, my window to be able to judge successful marriages is quite limited given all the marriages of which I have no knowledge...so I'll limit my comments to my own experiences.

As I laid out in the OP:

My wife and I have been married 34+ years. We have one of the best marriages of anyone I know. We enjoy each other's company and do nearly everything together. We're empty-nesters now as both kids have been out of the house for several years.. We enjoy our new role as grandparents. We do crossword puzzles together, dine together, and pretty much go everywhere together. Peg suffers from anxiety issues and doesn't drive much. So, if she goes somewhere, I'm usually the guy who drives her there. When I was seriously ill a few years ago, she was my health care advocate at the hospital when I couldn't represent myself, she was my nurse...in short, I might not be here posting this thread without her. So, life is good.

The problem comes when it's time to kick back, relax, and watch some TV/movies.

Our viewing likes/dislikes are not completely compatible. I like a wide variety of films. My tastes are wide and far-reaching. Hers are very limited in scope. She cannot abide action/adventure, sci-fi, thrillers, suspense, scary films of any kind. She is pretty much limited to the drama and comedy genres.

Our tastes within those genres are generally compatible. We both, for example, list Doubt (2008) as one of our absolute favorite movies. We agree that Groundhog Day is one of the best comedies ever put on film. And we both agree that The Gilmore Girls is one of the most smartly-written TV shows of all time.

Now besides all those things I talked about in that first paragraph, we share a strong faith in God, are committed to our extended family's well-being, rescue, raise and train dogs, try to be good neighbors in our community and love each other very much and take good care of each other.

Our differing tastes in movies is small (microscopic, even) potatoes. Neither one of us would let something like that come between us when there are so many other, more important things in life.

If I hasn't proposed to Peg because I knew she wasn't ever going to enjoy the Lord of the Rings films or Band of Brothers, I'd be the sorriest guy in town.

But it sure is fun to talk about that aspect of our life within a community of film enthusiasts--many of whom are also married and might have similar issues along with ideas about how to make that one aspect of their relationship work.

 

[PMF]

Is this Pete's way of hinting that he wants to go for a walk?

 

[Mysto]

I find it interesting that this post obviously hit a nerve.
We also have learned that this board is made up of mostly testosterone.
Us Boys and our Toys

 

[Malcolm R]

I wanted to come back to this, Malcolm...with a resounding no.

Peg and I have the best marriage of any couple I know (although my mom and dad are also to be commended and were at it a lot longer than us!). Of course, my window to be able to judge successful marriages is quite limited given all the marriages of which I have no knowledge...so I'll limit my comments to my own experiences.

I'm not suggesting anyone get divorced if you have an otherwise happy relationship. I was thinking more along the lines of the dating process, when you're getting to know a person, and "going to a movie" is one of the date night standards. Not being able to agree on a film, or finding out that the other person hates the genre of movies you love best, might raise warning flags about compatibility.

 

[Johnny Angell]

She had heard me speak many times about the film No Country for Old Men and based upon all my ravings about it asked to watch it one night. To my amazement she was as captivated by it as I was. I think the thing is though now that she has taught filmmaking and made over 100 films and run her own film festivals she now has an appreciation of quality filmmaking even if it is subject matter she normally would not watch.

You are married to a film maker, that is cool. I would think that this has increased your appreciation of film.

 

[Mike Frezon]

I'm not suggesting anyone get divorced if you have an otherwise happy relationship. I was thinking more along the lines of the dating process, when you're getting to know a person, and "going to a movie" is one of the date night standards. Not being able to agree on a film, or finding out that the other person hates the genre of movies you love best, might raise warning flags about compatibility.

Oh that's exactly how I took it.

My response is that stuff like similar movie-taste is pretty low on the totem pole as far as long-term compatibility and those factors which are important in developing a solid relationship.

In terms of your example above, I'd say that even if you saw a movie on a date that one person liked and the other didn't, what would be most telling is how you discussed it after--with an open mind? civilly? intellectually? emotionally? The ability to communicate easily and effectively and respect each other's point of view would tell you a heckuva lot more than whether or not you agreed on liking the film. That's really all I was trying to say.

 

[Josh Steinberg]

Although my wife and I have a lot of overlap in our tastes, we each enjoy a lot that the other doesn’t. It’s never been a problem for us. I think it probably helps that we can each have our own things to watch at our own paces in addition to what we can share together.

She is supportive of me having this hobby and is never dismissive of my tastes. That’s why it’s not a dealbreaker. She doesn’t like my all-time favorite movie (2001) but she totally gets what the movie means to me. I saw it nine times in theaters last year and she didn’t come with me once - but she asked me how I enjoyed it each time I came home. That kind of attitude is why the relationship can work. If she mocked me for liking the movie, or if I did the same about her video games, that’s when there would be a problem - but it wouldn’t be about incompatible tastes but just about not showing respect for each other. But it’s never happened.

Some of my favorite conversations I’ve ever shared with my wife have been over films or shows where one of us loved it and the other didn’t. I love her mind and being able to have those conversations is ultimately more important than whether or not we had the exact same feelings on something.

 

[PMF]

Have you thought about investing in a high-end pair of headphones, Mike? Unless I have company over, I do pretty much all of my movie/TV watching wearing beyerdynamic DT 770 Pro headphones. Excellent sound quality, and helps me shut out the rest of the world.

Headphones. Often thought of them myself. I'm definitely going to check out Adam's suggested brand.
Now, without headphones, my late-night solution to viewing has been in utilizing those wee hours for the purposes of listening to commentary tracks. It's ideal, as I'm the only one at home who takes an interest in all of the discussions and research on any given film. Hands down, my all-time favorite commentary tracks are those by Nick Redman and his posse; not only for the information provided, but also because their collective voices are actually quite soothing and keeps the house calm through the night.

 

[PMF]

[...]I'd say that even if you saw a movie on a date that one person liked and the other didn't, what would be most telling is how you discussed it after--with an open mind? civilly? intellectually? emotionally? The ability to communicate easily and effectively and respect each other's point of view would tell you a heckuva lot more than whether or not you agreed on liking the film. That's really all I was trying to say.

[...]She is supportive of me having this hobby and is never dismissive of my tastes.[...]That kind of attitude is why the relationship can work. If she mocked me for liking the movie, or if I did the same about her video games, that’s when there would be a problem - but it wouldn’t be about incompatible tastes but just about not showing respect for each other. But it’s never happened.

For my money, both Mike and Josh have captured the essence of it all; and I wholeheartedly agree.

 

[Josh Steinberg]

Mind you, I stumbled onto it by accident.... I’ve also had great advice from Mike over the years

 

[Winston T. Boogie]

You are married to a film maker, that is cool. I would think that this has increased your appreciation of film.

Well, it has made me fall in love with talking about film. She has now made far more films than I have but she and her students shoot about 25 films a year. They are short films running anywhere from 3 minutes to 15 minutes and they are all either in French or Spanish with English subs. Student films that they write, shoot, and edit.

I feel lucky to be married to such a beautiful and amazing woman that feels the way she does about me. I think the thing I most appreciate about the whole thing is she made me feel that all that stuff I have swimming around in my skull about making movies actually has some value. It's a pretty amazing thing when a person makes you feel that.