I think the wife should come first....

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Henry Gale, Jun 9, 2004.

  1. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Producer

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 1999
    Messages:
    4,628
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    ....but what I'm seeing way too often is the husband's name first.
    As in: [c]John & Mary Smith[/c]

    It should be:[c]Mary & John Smith[/c]
    As I've heard it in the forgotton past, the reason for this form is, "Smith is John's name, and thou shall not separate a man from his name." If the marrage ends, Mary goes back to Mary Jones, John will always be John Smith.
    So, what do you use?
     
  2. Andrew W

    Andrew W Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2001
    Messages:
    531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Addressing others you should use:

    Mr. & Mrs. Frederick Frankenstein

    Signing something from you and your wife, the person who actually wrote the letter would come last, but you never give yourself titles.

    Sincerely,
    John and Mary Jones.

    (on behalf of you both, but Mary actually wrote or typed the letter)

    With Regrets,
    Mary and John Jones

    (John wrote the letter speaking for both)
     
  3. MarkHastings

    MarkHastings Executive Producer

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Messages:
    12,013
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    But it isn't "John" & "Mary Smith" - it's "John & Mary" Smith.If you're going by who's name it originally was, then I would still say "John & Mary Smith" is correct. The reason is, when you say something like "Orange & Pineapple Juice", the order indicates that there is more of the first item (or an emphasis on the first item). The same differnce with "Blue-Green" (i.e. more blue than green) and "Green-Blue" (i.e. more green than blue).

    So "John & Mary Smith" would mean the first name is the original owner of the last name.

    my 2 cents. [​IMG]
     
  4. Jeff Gatie

    Jeff Gatie Lead Actor

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    6,531
    Likes Received:
    15
    Trophy Points:
    0


    Uh that would be Mr. & Mrs. Froderick Frankensteen[​IMG]
     
  5. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Executive Producer
    Reviewer

    Joined:
    May 9, 2002
    Messages:
    11,763
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    9,110
    Location:
    Since 2006
    Real Name:
    Cameron Yee


    I read an etiquette column that said as much. When I address letters I go this route, though I'm not sure my friends know about this. Since the majority of my friends have been women who met "some guy," it probably seems I'm listing them in order of who I knew first or feel closer to.
     
  6. Bob Graz

    Bob Graz Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2002
    Messages:
    798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Never mind.......
     
  7. Henry Gale

    Henry Gale Producer

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 1999
    Messages:
    4,628
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    ....go ahead Bob, was there something on your mind? [​IMG]
     
  8. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 1999
    Messages:
    38,749
    Likes Received:
    480
    Trophy Points:
    9,110
    Perhaps this thread title is in the running for the most obvious of the year so far. [​IMG]
     
  9. TonyD

    TonyD Who do we think I am?
    Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 1999
    Messages:
    17,402
    Likes Received:
    521
    Trophy Points:
    9,110
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    Real Name:
    Tony D.
    i always thought it odd to address a married couple as

    mr and mrs steven jones.

    her name isn't steven.

    do people still do that?
     
  10. Wayne Bundrick

    Wayne Bundrick Cinematographer

    Joined:
    May 17, 1999
    Messages:
    2,358
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Yeah. What Patrick (and possibly Bob) was thinking.
     
  11. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Executive Producer
    Reviewer

    Joined:
    May 9, 2002
    Messages:
    11,763
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    9,110
    Location:
    Since 2006
    Real Name:
    Cameron Yee


    I still see it, usually with formal invitations to weddings, etc.
     
  12. David Williams

    David Williams Cinematographer

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2001
    Messages:
    2,288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0

    It is increasingly frowned upon in etiquette circles. I, personally never started using it and it is something I've broken my Mom of using (now if I could just get her to use the 3 line address format with state abbreviations... [​IMG] ) If I was a) female and b) married, I would never want to be addressed as Mrs. John Doe. Ick!

    As for hubby or wifey first? My own way of doing things is the relation of the couple to me. Am I friends with/related to the wife or the husband? Who wears the figurative pants in the family? etc...

    For example, my cousin Elaine just got married. I would address their Christmas Card to "Elaine and James Doe".

    I notice something weird while going through my address book: some couples are always addressed one way by the people they know, while others are addressed another. For example, my cousin Marji and her husband are always referred to in conversation or in writing as "Marji and James" but rarely as "James and Marji." Something to ponder, anyway.
     
  13. Cameron Yee

    Cameron Yee Executive Producer
    Reviewer

    Joined:
    May 9, 2002
    Messages:
    11,763
    Likes Received:
    675
    Trophy Points:
    9,110
    Location:
    Since 2006
    Real Name:
    Cameron Yee
    Well, how many people find it more natural to say "Mom and Dad?" When I say it the other way it sounds weird to me. I imagine it has to do with who was my family pant-wearer.
     
  14. Kirk Gunn

    Kirk Gunn Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 1999
    Messages:
    1,609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    In Italia, the women come second.....

    (and sometimes not at all - yeah baby !!!)

    Sorry, I digress...

    My wife always gets a kick out of the old etiquette. When she is introduced to someone who I know, but has not met herself, she introduces herself as "Jan, wife of Kirk".

    Of course she only does that when she's feeling comical.... or at stuffy social functions.
     
  15. Nathan*W

    Nathan*W Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    1,079
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    110
    Real Name:
    Nathan
    The Old Ways should Always* be Preserved.

    * This is not always true.

    [​IMG]
     
  16. Neil Joseph

    Neil Joseph Lead Actor

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 1998
    Messages:
    8,332
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Real Name:
    Neil Joseph
    [admin hat comes off]

    When a couple marry (man & woman because these days you have to specify), the two become as one. Also, it is my belief that the man is the head of his family in that he has the resposibility, which is a fact that is becoming less and less apparent these days, sadly. Thus, I believe that the man's name should come first then his wife second, but this does not mean that the wife is lesser because of this either, as one must submit to the other and vise versa. This opens up a whole other topic that could be debated for weeks on end.

    [admin hat back on]
     
  17. andrew markworthy

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 1999
    Messages:
    4,762
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    0

    If you want to stay happily married, that's no bad thing. [​IMG]
     
  18. Bob Graz

    Bob Graz Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2002
    Messages:
    798
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Oh yeah, that's what I was thinking. I cracked up when I read that thread title.

    Oh for the record, yes, I support that....
     
  19. Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm

    Andrew 'Ange Hamm' Hamm Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 1999
    Messages:
    901
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0

    I bet a lot of wives would agree.
     
  20. JonZ

    JonZ Lead Actor

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 1998
    Messages:
    7,798
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Im kind of worried because thats not the meaning I was thinking of when I read the title of the thread [​IMG]

    It should have been
     

Share This Page