I think I'm falling in love... (1 Viewer)

[Michael Varacin]

Hmmmm....small world. I have a really good life experience about this topic, but first - since my user name is my actual name, will this post show up on any search engines in case my girlfriends "X" is trying to find me???


OK....we all know this is a bad thing to do. However, you're going to do what your heart wants to do anyway, so don't agonize over it. The fact that you have been considering it this long means you know you shouldn't, but you want to. It's like buying that big screen TV. No, I really can't afford that....1 week later....man, I really would like to have that big screen TV....1 more week later.....well, I could get a second job if I need to.....ahhhh.OK..OK...I'm going to get the TV.

Love and desire are funny things. It's hard to resist the force of them. On the other hand, a very wise person once said to me "Marry you're best friend. Because in the end, when you're too old to do anything but sit around an talk, that's the person you're going to want." Just something to keep in mind if you're still good friends with your current wife. You may not want to add and issues to that yet.

But it's always 100X easier to sit here and say don't do it because we don't have the feelings for the other person. I consider myself to be a very well educated man with good common sense. I could not resist no matter who told me not to. You and only you can decide if you're strong enough.


Michael.

 

[Kevin Alexander]

TMI

 

[Ron-P]

They're 1 and 3, and I'm sure they'll be fine.

Don't be so sure, especially the 3 year old. Your children should be your first priority not your wife's friend.
Peace Out~

 

[Nick Sievers]

Absolutely, Ron. Couldn't agree more.

 

[Anders Englund]

Your children should be your first priority not your wife's friend.

They ALWAYS are. They're the main reasons I've been staying with my wife despite being constantly reminded that she doesn't love me. Yes, we do get along well, but that really hurts.

--Anders

 

[Philip_G]

be careful anders, that's a rough road.
my GF of 3 years broke up with me a couple years back, and after a year or so apart had the great idea to move in with me (cheaper rent for both since I was living in a 2 bedroom apartment by myself) I can't say it was the best idea, and we had a lot of time apart, a lot of it we weren't speaking. I can't imagine how painful it would be to have continued living in the same house the entire time.

 

[RogerB]

They're 1 and 3, and I'm sure they'll be fine.

Ummmm....I could quote all kinds of statistics to the contrary.

You both need to put forth a little effort and work it out. BTW, marriage doesn't exist to make people happy.

Hope it all works out for the best.

 

[Chad R]

What do you mean by your wife doesn't love you anymore? Is it that the spark is out of your marriage? Do you think that your wife misses the giddy, happy just got together and everything's new feeling? I think you really need to ask her (and yourself) what you expected marriage to be like.

You say you're going to live together still, and that you get along fine (before the divorce papers at least) and that you're still friends. Well, that's marriage. The spark always goes away. Whenever you first start dating someone there's a great deal of excitement and attraction because it's new. A lot of people break up because they expect that feeling to last, but it just can't. You get more comfortable with each other. The love matures from being all tingly and wonderful to something entirely different.

If you can afford it, I'd suggest seeing a marriage counselor before signing those papers. It just sounds to me that the both of you have an unrealistic view of what marriage is. And I don't want to sound preachy, but try that. And if you both can honestly say that you want to experience that new love feeling, and that marriage isn't what you're looking for, than do indeed divorce. But before doing this to your children you need to sort out you and your wife's feelings openly.

And I want to add this so I don't come off as reprimanding you (I'm not, I'm trying to be constructive). I have a very good friend who starts a new relationship about every 4 months and he always ends them by telling me "they just got to be old hat." That's not a bad way to live his life. At least he's honest and admits to himself that's what he's looking for. So if that's what you and your wife are looking for, great. Just be honest with yourself and her to see if that's what you want. If you or she are going to jump into another marriage looking for it to always be wine and roses, you won't find it.

 

[Todd Hochard]

despite being constantly reminded that she doesn't love me.

Does she outright say that? If so, that's just mean-spirited, IMO.

I don't think the wife's friend thing would ever work out right. I have to wonder if your longing isn't simply one of those "grass is greener" things.

Todd

 

[Joe Tilley]

Anders, I know just how you feel. I went through the same type of thing with my wife a year ago. I can tell you from my own experience no matter how much I thought I wonted someone else when it came down to it I loved my wife too much to leave. The best thing I found to do was set her down & just tell her everything that I felt, I even told her that I wasn't attracted to her anymore & wonted to have sex with someone else because she no longer gave me what I wonted. That night had to be one of the better nights of my marriage we both learned alot about each other, & gained alot more respect for each other.
Talk to her & be completely honest no matter how scared you are about doing it. If she already handed you the papers you have nothing to lose anyway, but at the same time you may save your marriage & turn it around completely.
Good luck. I hope whatever you decide works out for the best for you both.

 

[Anders Englund]

The best thing I found to do was set her down & just tell her everything that I felt, I even told her that I wasn't attracted to her anymore & wonted to have sex with someone else because she no longer gave me what I wonted.

Sex is not the issue. Everyone gets attracted others besides your spouse. I wouldn't have any problems handling just being attracted to someone else.

--Anders

 

[Anders Englund]

Since you've all been helpful, I thought I'd fill you in:

I've spoken to my wife about this (well, not about telling you guys). And the past few weeks have been better than.. well, I can't even remeber when things were so good between us. So, thanks for your support (and the occational kick in the ass).

--Anders

 

[Cam S]

So are you and your wife going to work on things, or are you still going to persue her friend??

 

[Anders Englund]

No, we're pretty much working things out. Guess I was a bit unclear on that...
--Anders

 

[Charles J P]

Damn dude. I have been following this thread, and I must tell you, you just made the rest of my week. Congrats. Keep working. Dont feel bad because you have to work at it. You SHOULD have to.

 

[RogerB]

Yeah!!! Like home theater, you can never stop working on a marriage.