I really, REALLY need someones advice...

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Dan Shogren, May 9, 2003.

  1. Dan Shogren

    Dan Shogren Stunt Coordinator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    My life is freakin' sh*t right about now because of a girl. She's this really amazing, attractive girl from my school, and shes the first girl i've ever felt this compassionate about. Here's the problem, this girl, (We'll call her Jane doe) is one of the nicest people i've ever met, and because i have the hots for her, i ask her out. "Jane" responds with a bunch of info which surprised me, (But i suspected) And is leaving me laying in my bed, staring at the cieling, worrying about her. Here is her story. She thinks her life is Sh*t, (It's really not that bad) but evidently she has some pretty serious depression problems because she believes the only reason she's still alive, is that she thinks this one dude and her are soulmates. She was gonna kill herself but she realized she loved this guy too much. The problem is, this guy wont go out with her anymore because he hated her because she used to cut herself, (she's stopped cutting her self only recently) and hes dating another girl right now. So shes really confused, and now shes dating this guy named corey (lets just call him corey cuz i hate the dude) and shes occupied. Now that ive told her i like her, she seems to not even hang out with me anymore. But this whole idea of suicide really is freaking me out because i feel like i could be somehow responsible if she goes through with it. (I dunno why, maybe because i knew about it and i could have told someone.) So every night i lay in my bed, staring at the cieling because of lack of sleep, worrying about her. And when i finally do get back to sleep, i start having nightmares about death, and those wake me right back up again. My question is, WHAT THE FSCK SHOULD I DO!? Im really fucking depressed right now, and angry as hell. I almost broke my fist punching into a brick wall. (idiotic, i know) But please, if any of you have ever had a situation remotely like this, or experienced feelings like this for a girl, please post our ideas to help sove my problems. Thank you for reading my monster post. I am greatfully indebted to you if you answer.
     
  2. Ray B.

    Ray B. Agent

    Joined:
    May 4, 2003
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dude, relax. Jane isn't going to off herself. If she was going to, she would have by now. What you're experiencing is the normal f*cked up stuff that guys go through when they're young. As you get older and go through a bunch of women (and have them go through you), you'll realize that there are bazillions of fish in the sea and it's not worth selling your eternal soul for just one of them. You'll also learn that you are in control of your life, and you are the only one that can make yourself happy. Having some girl make your life "sh*t" isn't too healthy.

    Unless, of course, she's "the one," but that's a different story altogether.

    To summarize:
    1. Relax.
    2. Listen to what Snoop Dogg says. [​IMG]

    P.S. When someone responds with some better advice, ignore this. [​IMG]
     
  3. Ryan Peter

    Ryan Peter Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 1999
    Messages:
    1,220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Maybe she should take antidepressants.
     
  4. Eric_L

    Eric_L Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2002
    Messages:
    1,994
    Likes Received:
    1
    Every guy falls for a psyco once, looks like you are getting yours out of the way early. [​IMG]

    Here's how you handle her next time you see her.

    Stop.
    Turn.
    Run the other way.

    You will be MUCH better off without any more contact with her. Let her fry someone elses brain.

    If the morbid thoughs are stuck in your head, share them with your school counselor. You don't have to mention any names, and I'm sure they'll help you work through it in a positive way.

    If you doubt me then reduce to the most simple... and I quote:

     
  5. Josh Lowe

    Josh Lowe Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    1,063
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  6. Dan Shogren

    Dan Shogren Stunt Coordinator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    I dont want to get rid of the girl, i want to help her.
     
  7. Eric_L

    Eric_L Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2002
    Messages:
    1,994
    Likes Received:
    1
    Dude, she don't need any help you are able to offer.

    She will bring you down, take it from those who've seen it before.

    "There are some problems you can fix and some you can't. The secret to happiness is knowing how to tell the difference."

    Stop.
    Turn.
    Run the other way...

    If you feel the overwhelming urge to interfere with this young ladies life, then discuss it with your counselor.
     
  8. Josh Lowe

    Josh Lowe Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2002
    Messages:
    1,063
    Likes Received:
    0
    The only thing you will help her is help feed her fucked up self-image at the expense of your own self-esteem. It's total bullshit. Trust in this.

    You will find a girl who is just as beautiful and just as special and sets your heart off just as much who is normal and well-adjusted, not someone who is obviously acting out over god knows waht and looking to use you to make herself feel better.
     
  9. Leila Dougan

    Leila Dougan Screenwriter

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2002
    Messages:
    1,352
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was that girl. My life is in order now, but for a number of years it was pure chaos (from the self-mutilation to the suicidal thoughts, to this "soul mate" concept).

    My advice is leave her and lead your own life.

    1) Don't try to be the "mother theresa" type and fix her. You can't fix her. She can only fix herself.

    2) I can't quite explain the mindset, but attention like what you're giving her only adds fuel to the fire. She feeds off the attention and won't get better with you around.

    3) As you get older it'll become increasingly clear that it's not worth your time, effort, and pain to try to fix someone elses problems. There will be no fairy-tale ending, no happy outcome with this girl. She's obviously incabable of being in an adult, mature, relationship. She might be in the future, but not now. Find yourself a girl that is more "normal" and leave this girl alone. When she gets better, she may make a fine mate but you'll have to give up and let some other guy find her.
     
  10. Holadem

    Holadem Lead Actor

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2000
    Messages:
    8,967
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  11. Dan Shogren

    Dan Shogren Stunt Coordinator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  12. Ricardo C

    Ricardo C Producer

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,059
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dan, run. Run fast. Run far.

    I've been friends with several depressive/suicidal/self-mutilating people before (I'm a fucking magnet for that, I tell ya), and even though you may be wanting to help, it's YOUR sanity that'll be on the line. I didn't walk out on them when they needed me, but this girl has a bf AND is rejecting your friendship. You have no duty here. Be glad for that, and move on.

    Sounds cold, but it's for your own mental health. It's never a healthy thing when you're on the phone with your buddy as he describes how he cut himself the night before, and how he's been cleaning his rifle. It's even less funny when he shows up on the internet posing as his brother and tells you he committed suicide. I put up with crap like that because he's my friend. But you have the option to wash your hands of the whole thing. It's one thing to find yourself stuck in a situation like this and feeling honor-bound to help, it's quite another to actuially go looking for it.

    This girl will get better when she herself realizes she needs help. Thinking you can help her will only make you miserable, and likely will not change her situation. My suicidal buddy finally got therapy, but not because of me. His gf at the time got him to. So don't think you're the miracle she needs. Chances are you won't make a difference.

    Best of luck, man.
     
  13. Adil M

    Adil M Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2001
    Messages:
    922
    Likes Received:
    0
    In these situations I always pull out the ten foot pole and poke the girl a couple of times.
     
  14. Ricardo C

    Ricardo C Producer

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,059
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  15. Philip_G

    Philip_G Producer

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2000
    Messages:
    5,030
    Likes Received:
    0
     
  16. Dean Cooper

    Dean Cooper Supporting Actor

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2000
    Messages:
    972
    Likes Received:
    3
    Dan, what Holadem is hinting at is even though everyone that has responded to your request for advice has told you to jump ship before it takes you down with her, you'll probably do the opposite (the "little head" always seems to steer young men the wrong way [​IMG]). We can lead you to the river bud, but you are going to have to take that drink on your own. Good luck man, enjoy the times that you are in instead of worrying about some nut that is trying to get some attention. The best thing you can do for her if you don't think she's "blowing smoke up your ass" is to talk to your school counselor, make sure that you tell him/her that you are concerned for her because she’s told you that she wants to kill herself and let them do their job by helping her. Then go find yourself another hottie that isn't quite so unbalanced.
     
  17. Chuck C

    Chuck C Cinematographer

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2001
    Messages:
    2,224
    Likes Received:
    1
    Dan, I work at a crisis center where we handle a 24-hr hotline for people who want to talk about their problems. We received 60 hrs of training including 30 hrs about the type of callers we'd get. One lecture was about Borderline personality disorder. Borderlines often cut themselves because they feel 'dirty' on the inside and want to cleanse themselves by letting out blood. Borderlines also live a confused live. They tend to be extremely depressed, have negative feelings toward themselves, lash out inappropriately, and use self-mutilation techniques and are usually suicidal. I've had two calls about borderlines. One was from a father who found a note in his daughter's book bag. It was a note from the daughter's friend who was cutting herself and thinking of committing suicide. Another call concerned a friend who cut himself almost everyday and said he'd make it real bad one day. This individual was deeply disturbed and made fun of at school.

    There is help...THERAPIST!! She must find a doctor that can take on the long process of helping your friend. I urge you to call my crisis center about her pain as well as yours. You would be surprised how simply talking about your bad dreams and relationship problems will help you feel better. Also ask about Borderline personality disorder and the treatments available...we have a handbook which describes most of what I talked about. They'll say the same thing...your friend's life may depend on a doctor. Do not feel like it's your fault she doesn't talk to you anymore. She's ten times more confused. Also, insist that she call someone for help but don't feel like it's your responsibility. When you address the problem, she might get mad. Instead of becoming angry in return, empathize (put yourself in her shoes), and realize the depths of her problem. Things will only get better after that, and with some hard work, both of you will be harmonious.

    Remember, borderline personality disorder is dangerous. Cutting often leads to suicide. Borderlines may not cut themselves for years only to start up again.

    take care and good luck.

    CRISIS CENTER: 513-523-4146
     
  18. Dan Shogren

    Dan Shogren Stunt Coordinator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    this is kind of a lot of a lot to take in, but i see what you mean. Ive just got conflicting things going on. the comment about "the little head" definetly has something to do with it, heh...
     
  19. Dan Shogren

    Dan Shogren Stunt Coordinator

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    ......man. This stuff is really heavy. I think she has some sort of therapist shes seeing, i might be wrong, but if she isnt, and she starts getting depressed more, ill definetly refer her to a therapist.
     
  20. Ricardo C

    Ricardo C Producer

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2002
    Messages:
    5,059
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sounds good to me [​IMG]
     

Share This Page