I am getting Married this Friday 4-25-03

Discussion in 'After Hours Lounge (Off Topic)' started by Howie A, Apr 22, 2003.

  1. Howie A

    Howie A Second Unit

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    I am a little nervous not overly, just looking for some advice from a wise group of people.
    Do any of you have any tips of things to do or not to do for that matter?
    Perhaps something you should have done and just forgot to?
    Thanks in advance. [​IMG]
     
  2. Chris Hovanic

    Chris Hovanic Supporting Actor

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    WOW...

    Read the fine print on the mariage licence. It will no doubt lean in her favor! [​IMG]

    Mariage is work. Both husband and wife must work together to be sucessful. My best advice is to communicate about everything.... Money, Kids, Work, Play, Sex, ect. Be honest with each other in you communication and things should work out well.

    Second best advice... compromise. You compromise on some issues and she should compromise on some issues.

    Good luck and congrats.
     
  3. Jack Fanning

    Jack Fanning Second Unit

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    Some advice from a married man of 9 years (on May 7th):

    There is no such thing as 'winning an argument" with your wife, cuz even if you win, you really lose. Don't try to get the last word in every time and don't sweat the small stuff so much.

    Congratulations and good luck!!

    Jack
     
  4. Jared_B

    Jared_B Supporting Actor

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    Congrats.

    Trust me, you don't want my advice! [​IMG]
     
  5. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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    First, enjoy the day. Try to take things slow, because it will go by really, really fast. I don't remember a lot of my wedding, it went by so fast. It was like a blur.

    If you don't want to look like an idiot, practice putting the ring on her finger. When you're standing there facing her in front of everyone, you might forget which hand is which. I was going "left, right, uhh, ok, this is my left, so, her right would be there, and...". I was swapping her hands back and forth, then settled on the wrong one and tried to put the ring on. Much laughter from the crowd told me I was wrong. Doh!
     
  6. Frederick

    Frederick Second Unit

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    Congrats, Dude! I've been married for 9 months (yeah, I'm still wet behind the ears), and the one thing I've learned that's vital (along with everything else that was said so far) is patience. We're two different people, despite the fact that we have so much in common and get along so well. She does things and sees things differently than I do, so sometimes things take a little longer to do than I'd like. But that's her way, not mine. Neither one is bad, just different. My wife and I were great friends before we got married, and we're still great friends. That's important, too. Don't lose that friendship ...


    Freddy C.
     
  7. Leila Dougan

    Leila Dougan Screenwriter

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    Congrats!

    Our first anniversary is in a month (May 25). Be aware that the first year can be the most trying. Even the best marriages have times where you're left thinking "did I make the right decision?". Tough it out and don't give up so easily. It'll definitely get better. I can honestly say that the last 6 months have been easier than the first 6 months and I have no doubt they will continue to get easier.
     
  8. KyleS

    KyleS Screenwriter

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    First thing is to tell you Congrats!

    I have been married almost 3 years to my wife and I would be lying (As would anyone) to say its always blissful. Marriage takes a lot of work to get it right. I was fortunate enough IMHO to live with my future wife for almost 6 years before getting married so we had already worked out a lot of issues that some married couples experience for the first time during the first couple of years.

    Jack is giving you some stellar advice. You really never can WIN an argument so pick your battles wisely. When you disagree with her think before you speak. Basically you need to decide if its really THAT important a topic to argue over and it should NEVER be a topic where you are arguing just to prove you are right and she is wrong. Arguments should be reserved for things such as purchases that impact both of you, life changing events, how to punish children, etc). Trust me if you can learn to concede the non-important battles your life and marriage will be a lot happier. [​IMG]

    Now for the actual marriage day the advice is to just ENJOY the day. Don't stress over things like what people are thinking watching the wedding or how the pictures will turn out. Everything will work out trust me. At our Wedding my wife stressed about almost everything to the point she almost got sick. The worst part was that we had a formal sit down dinner and when we showed up at our reception some guests were already there. Well the snacks were not out for our guests because someone in the kitchen had dropped them. To me it wasn't a big deal because they didn't know that there was snacks to begin with but my wife blew UP. I of course made sure that we were not charged for the service portion or food that they dropped (Which they tried to do) but other then that life goes on. Was there ANYTHING that could have been done by the chefs? NO so why make a big deal about it.

    If you have not finalized when you are taking pictures (Though you probably have) I would recommend taking your pictures Before the wedding. Before the wedding neither of you are stressed out yet, your not tired, your/her hair/makeup is perfect and not ruined from crying. Your guests don't have to wait for you if you do it after the ceremony and before the reception. You have more time to enjoy the moments.

    KyleS

    Oh yeah and depending on how the day goes forget the part about getting lucky on your wedding night. [​IMG] I don't know about a lot of people that get married but our ceremony was at 5pm and our reception started at 7pm and by the time we got done with dancing, smiling, etc it was 1am and when we got back to our hotel we were both so tired we just wanted to SLEEP.
     
  9. Lance Nichols

    Lance Nichols Supporting Actor

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    Good luck, you are going to need it [​IMG]

    Seriously, Don't sweat the small stuff, remember you love her, keep sex in the equation (for both of you) have time outs, you don't need to be arround each other all the time...

    Friday the 25th will mark 5 years for me and my wife.
     
  10. MikeAlletto

    MikeAlletto Cinematographer

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    Quick, buy all the hometheater stuff you would want right now! Cause in 3 days its gonna be a chore getting 'committee approval'.
     
  11. Chris Hovanic

    Chris Hovanic Supporting Actor

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  12. CaseyLS

    CaseyLS Second Unit

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    How old are you? I am 20 and I have never had a serious relationship. I guess I better hurry because I want all of my kids out of the house by the time I am 45.
     
  13. Steven K

    Steven K Supporting Actor

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    Congrats Howie!

    My wife and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past Sunday (the 20th). I asked her what she wanted to do for our anniversary (ie, take a vacation, etc...) and she told me "I want to go to a bunch of Red Sox games!" Ahh, I really am blessed! [​IMG] We spent the entire weekend at Fenway Park.

    We were both told that the first year of marriage is the toughest, but I guess we never really hit that "tough" part yet, I guess that will be when the children come. For us, marriage hasn't been that different from single life. We both do our own things on occasion (maybe once or twice a week) and it has never been an issue... during football season, I would head up to the local sports bar every Sunday, and watch football all day long, and it was never an issue with her (she would always greet me when I came back with a big smile, asking me how the games went, etc...) Of course this is bound to change in time, especially when children come.

    So, now time for my advice...

    For the wedding:
    1. Everyone says to take a step back and try to enjoy the day... however, this is alot easier said than done. We had a 6 PM wedding, and we did not get to sleep until around 4 AM (and we had to be up at 6 AM). However, I really suggest that, if possible, you spend the next day (at least half the day) actually visiting with your family and friends. We did this - all of my family had flown in ~1000 miles for the wedding. So, we didn't leave right away for our honeymoon - we stayed for half the day, visiting, etc... it's the best advice I can give. You'll have plenty of time for your honeymoon, but you can never have enough time for your loved ones.

    2. DONT save your energy for any "wedding night sexual escapades" [​IMG] Honestly, I wonder if anyone has sex on their wedding night anymore. I can tell you that it was the last thing on my mind... save it for the airplane lavatory the next day.

    ABOUT MARRIAGE
    1. Share responsibilities around the house, and alternate cooking days.

    2. Surprise her every once in a while with something. Nothing makes my wife happer than when I come home with tickets to a play, to a baseball game, or a DVD.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  14. Malcolm R

    Malcolm R Executive Producer

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  15. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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  16. BrettB

    BrettB Producer

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    Congratulations!

    Try to not be nervous (nearly impossible)

    Make sure and have someone camcorder it because you won't remember most of it.

    If you feel like you might lose your lunch stay where you are and turn towards a camcorder so they can get a good shot of it. If your video wins on one of those "funny video" shows it could pay for your honeymoon. [​IMG]
     
  17. Chris Hovanic

    Chris Hovanic Supporting Actor

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  18. Malcolm R

    Malcolm R Executive Producer

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  19. Ryan Wright

    Ryan Wright Screenwriter

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    Malcolm: You've got a good head about what you don't want in a marriage. With that, don't let other people's relationships sour you on the whole marriage thing. People who want a two way street will naturally pick like-minded spouses. So, when you find a woman who "meshes" well with you, she's probably a suitable wife. Trust me - you won't marry a wonderful woman and suddenly find yourself on a one way street to hell. If you have mutual love and respect for one another, you'll be fine.
     
  20. Mike Voigt

    Mike Voigt Supporting Actor

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    Pretty solid advice in this thread.

    Agreed on getting lucky right after the wedding. The marriage ceremony is tiring, mostly because you invest so much emotional capital in it that when it is done, you feel drained.

    Spending time with the family and friends for a day or so afterwards is a great idea.

    Make it a morning wedding - that gives you a good chance at some rest. You'll need it.

    Be sure to have a honeymoon. It doesn't have to be horrendously expensive (neither does the ring...!) but it should be yours and yours alone.

    Do not ever go to sleep still being angry at each other. Resolve it - even if it means staying up late. Best piece of advice I ever got - and when I didn't follow it, believe me, it gets worse. Have the gumption to bring up issues.

    If you think it'll help - go take a State of the Marriage trip with her every quarter or so. Treat it as if you're running a corporation - this is the board meeting. Time for fun later - make sure the fundamentals are set. This includes handling difficult stuff; the Ostrich Option works as well in marriage as it did for Enron. Then go out and party!

    Mike
     

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