hTop 10 Things to NEVER say to a COP.... (1 Viewer)

[Jenna]

10. Are you Andy or Barney?
9. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
8. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
7. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer?
5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
4. Gee, Officer, that's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
3. I was trying to keep up with the traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around...that's how far ahead of me they are.
2. When the Officer says, "Gee son...your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer...your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

 

[Jim_F]

11. Just thought you might like to know-I saw a couple of speeders back there.

 

[Charles J P]

12. I spilled my beer in my lap after my gun fell of the passenger seat and I lost control of my car.

 

[Cam S]

13. Officer, I noticed you have a 9mm gun, would I by chance be able to borrow a few rounds as I'm fresh out.

 

[Andrew_Sch]

14. Oh, that's not my blood on the seat. I think it came from the guy whose car I just jacked.

 

[Ken Garrison]

15. "Any idea why you're going so fast?" "I got head-up-the-ass syndrome!"

My brother knows a friend who was stopped by a cop for speeding and he said that to him. The cop thought it was funny and tore up the ticket. Don't say that to a stater though.

 

[Brian Kleinke]

16. "Where's the nearest Doughnut shop, I need some bad!"

 

[Tim Hoover]

I like the one from the commercial a few years ago:

Cop - "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Speeder - "Why don't you tell me. You're the one with the radar!!!"

When I was 19, I got a ticket in for doing 75 in a 65 zone. The cop told me that Illinois had a flat fine for anywhere from 1 to 20 mph over the limit. I was so pissed at being caught that I said "Well, next time I'll do 85 and get my money's worth!" He wasn't amused...

 

[Cam S]

Hahaha, too funny Tim, would have loved to see his face after that comment!

 

[Brett Hancock]

"Well, next time I'll do 85 and get my money's worth!" He wasn't amused...

17.Sorry officer I didnt see you back there some asshole was flashing red and blue lights at me.

 

[Ken Garrison]

 

[Bill Geiger]

18. I'm sorry officer, my girlfriend/wife "passed out" on my lap, see? I was afraid if I didn't get her home quickly, I would miss out!

**okay, might not be funny... I worked all night.. I'll try more next time.**

 

[Steve Christou]

19.Back off asshole, I've got a piece.

20.Want a race to the station, Sparky?

21.Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just happy to see me?

22.How long is this shit going to take? Your wife's expecting me.

 

[Jeremy Allin]

My sister heard one of her friends tried this one:
//pulled over for speeding
Officer: Heh, I've been waiting for a sucker like you.
Driver: Thanks! I got here as fast as I could!
I believe the cop tore up the ticket after he'd had a good laugh!

 

[Michael Marklund]

Do not try this:
...pulling up to the Mexican border,
Border Patrol officer: "Do you have any firearms?"
Driver: "Sure, what do you need?"
MM

 

[Alex Spindler]

23. Awww, you caught me off guard. Give me another chance and I'm sure I could lose you.
24. Just making sure you were awake...
25. I was hoping we could take care of this here...you know, in Brainerd. I want to be in full compliance.

One of my favorites was from Drew Carey's stand-up routine. He was talking about uses for money and said (paraphrased)
"What I like to do is run stop signs during a heavy rainstorm. So the cop comes up to the window, soaking wet, and says 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' and I say 'Do you know why I ran the sign?' What good is money if you don't enjoy spending it."

 

[Brian Kleinke]

26. Alright Officer... How much will it take for you to tear that up?

 

[Mike__D]

"Nobody was driving officer, we were all in the backseat singing."

Heard this on the radio years back and it was hilarious at the time...

 

[Dave_P]

An old girlfriend and I got pulled over for speeding late night one time. When the cop came up to the window she slurred "I had one too many officers tonight Mr. Beer." She had not been drinking that evening. The cop didn't seem to think it was that funny. He barely cracked a smile, but she got off with only a warning. We laughed all the way home about it.

 

[Paul_D]

27. Just as he's about to speak to you after walking up to your window, point at him and say "License and registration." Generally, predicting what people will say is very annoying.
28. Pick your nose just before he hands you his pen to sign the ticket, and really dig deep.