How To Please A Woman

Henry Carmona

Screenwriter
Joined
Feb 7, 2000
Messages
1,299
Location
San Antonio
Real Name
Henry Carmona
A group of girlfriends went on vacation and saw a five-story hotel with a sign that read, "For Women Only."
Since they were without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
"We have 5 floors... go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the friends laugh and, without hesitation, move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly." This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third floor where the sign read, "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women."
This was good, but there were still two more floors.
On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect: "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight." The women seemed pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor had to offer before they settled for the fourth.
When they reach the fifth floor, there is a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that it is impossible to please a woman."
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"Charlie don't surf."
 

KyleS

Screenwriter
Joined
Jul 24, 2000
Messages
1,232
You know I found this extremely funny but my wife and women in general probaby wouldnt.

KyleS
 

Richard Kim

Cinematographer
Senior HTF Member
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Jan 29, 2001
Messages
4,385

Yet another example of why women rarely post to the HTF (as if the hairy women post wasn't enough).
 

Henry Carmona

Screenwriter
Joined
Feb 7, 2000
Messages
1,299
Location
San Antonio
Real Name
Henry Carmona
Yet another example of why women rarely post to the HTF (as if the hairy women post wasn't enough).
This has nothing to do with facts (hairy women)
This is purely a joke. If someone cant see that, then they need to stay off of the internet, there are more offensive things in life.
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"Charlie don't surf."
 

Holadem

Lead Actor
Senior HTF Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2000
Messages
8,967
I would not object if a woman posted something similar. Lighten up...
--
Holadem - That was hilarious!
 

Ross Williams

Supporting Actor
Joined
Feb 9, 1999
Messages
653
That's pretty damn funny! I'm actually going to pass it on to my girlfriend. She'll probably get a bigger laugh out of than me.
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"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they
don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." - Silent Bob
"No matter where you go, there you are." - Buckaroo Bonzai
Optimus Prime Films
 

Ryan Wright

Screenwriter
Joined
Jul 30, 2000
Messages
1,875
quote: This is purely a joke. If someone cant see that, then they need to stay off of the internet[/quote]
No kidding. Women post similar jokes about men all the time in other forums, and we don't get offended. The real reason why "there are so few female members of the HTF" is because Home Theater is a man's hobby. Just like sewing is a woman's hobby. That doesn't mean there aren't men who sew or women who enjoy HT, but certain hobbies are dominated by certain genders. That's just how the world works and no amount of political correctness is going to change these simple truths.
Edit - I have more to add: Don't get me wrong; I love the women who post here. Julie, Janna, & others are very nice ladies and their presence here is enjoyed by all of us. I think any woman who enjoys and participates in male dominated hobbies is something special. Hell, my wife will dig under the hood of a car with me and she's a babe to boot - what more could a guy ask for?! However, I, and most men, assume that women who DO participate in "men's hobbies" can also handle "man-talk." A woman who will get under the hood of a car and cover herself in grease is a strong woman and I've never met a single one who is easily offended - especially by stupid stereotypes. In fact, most women who participate in men's hobbies make the same jokes. My wife makes fun of other women for female-centric behavior all the time. A friend of hers spends 2 hours primping and fussing in front of the mirror before going anywhere, and it drives her insane.
Anyway, I can't wait to go home and tell her (my wife) this joke. I know she'll get a kick out of it.
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-Ryan ( http://www.ryanwright.com )
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

[Edited last by Ryan Wright on November 08, 2001 at 05:57 PM]
 

NickSo

Cinematographer
Senior HTF Member
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Jul 2, 2000
Messages
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Nick So

Ryan Wright

Screenwriter
Joined
Jul 30, 2000
Messages
1,875
I'd watch where you're going with that...
Why, because it's not politically correct? It's the truth. When a particular activity is split on gender 90/10, you can honestly say "this is a man's (or woman's) hobby." There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with the lone 10% who participate in said hobbies. (In fact, those lone 10% make for excellent spouses. I cook for my wife all the time and do other "women's chores" for her; she loves it, just like I love it when she begs for improvements to the HT.)
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-Ryan (http://www.ryanwright.com )
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
 

Clinton McClure

Rocket Science Department
Premium
Joined
Jun 28, 1999
Messages
5,707
Location
Central Arkansas
Real Name
Clint
Ya know...this reminds me of when Dennis Miller was talking about football and says there are just some bullshit male rituals that women shouldn't wanna have a fuckin' thing to do with.

But in all seriousness, I respect when women like to get into "male-dominated" hobbies: cars, ht, sports, etc...
My last girlfriend likes to play football. I'm not talking two-hand touch with a nerf-ball. I'm talking tackle football with a leather pigskin. She would usually QB on offense and can toss a tight spiral 30 yards. She's also one helluva defensive tackle. Not bad for someone who's 5'6" and weighs about 125 lbs.

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My DVD Collection Casa del Clint
 

Julie K

Screenwriter
Joined
Dec 1, 2000
Messages
1,962
Jack was getting increasingly unhappy with his life. He had three wonderful girlfriends, but he was becoming convinced it was time to marry one of them and raise a family.
However, he had a problem in trying to decide which woman to marry. He believed marriage to be a lifetime commitment so he had to choose carefully the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. A woman to raise a family with and to grow old with.
Jack had an inspiration and gave the three women $5000 each and told them to spend it with no strings attached and when finished, come back and tell him what they did with it.
The first girlfriend came back almost immediately. She had undergone a radical transformation of hairstyle, cosmetics, and clothes. "My dear Jack, I love you so much I wanted to look the best I could to make you happy."
The second girlfriend came back a little later. She had gotten him lavish accessories for his hobbies and intersts. "My dear Jack, I love you so much that I wanted to spend all the money on you to make you happy."
The third girlfriend took much longer. When she came back, she presented him the $5000. She had invested the original, quickly doubled the money, and placed the profit in a long term, high interest savings account. "My dear Jack, I love you so much and wanted to start a lifetime savings for the two of us."
Jack thought and pondered for a long time over which woman would be the best lifelong companion. And then he married the woman with the largest breasts.

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My DVDs
"Some people think I'm over-prepared, paranoid...maybe even a little crazy. But they never met any pre-Cambrian life forms, did they?"
 

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