How to fix a broken heart? (1 Viewer)

[Tom Roul]

great advice guys! thanks. the only problem is most of it is easier said than done. i don't know what she was thinking?? could she have met a guy? maybe. but we're moving 1500 miles cross country. as for her parents, that seems more probable but again, we're not going to live anywhere near them. i guess she just really "fell" out of love with me. that can happen right? i guess i'm so confused/hurt/angry/god knows what because i never, in a million years, thought we break up. we never fought, very rarely argued, liked the same things. :frowning: i feel so lost right now...

 

[Claude M]

call OJ, he knows what to do...NOT! You'll "meat" new broads TX, you're lucky you didn't have kids with this one. You're walking away with your shirt on your back. Good luck, you'll do fine.

 

[Jeff Perry]

Not really, no. You've loved her for years. Could you just "fall out of love"? Of course not. The whole idea is a nonsense explanation and is indicative of only two things:

1. She's flat out lying to you, or:
2. Her immaturity has her confused; she's afraid of commitment but can't or won't admit it because she doesn't understand it.

This is a common thing for young girls who make a commitment near the age of 20. They think they know what they want at 18, and when they get into their mid-twenties they have what can only be described as a "quarter life crisis". They decide that everything they thought they wanted is wrong.

She thinks you're holding her back from her future because she wants to be a different woman, and you remind her of her old self. No, it doesn't make sense to me, either, but this is how young women work. Don't ask why, because I don't know. Best I can see is they're all broken.

Your feeling of being lost is normal. You remind me of myself. As a teenager I wanted nothing more than to marry and start a family. Many men are this way, it's completely normal behavior. Unfortunately, women generally don't get this way until their mid to late twenties, this is one reason why divorce is so common amongst people who marry young.

My advice: Be thankful that she left you now. Take time to grieve. Moving is probably a good thing for you right now. You're going to meet new people and start a new life. Look at this not as a terrible disaster, but as a powerful turning point in your life. You are free to do whatever it is you want to do. Now, I know you probably don't want to be free. You want to settle down and start a family and that's all you've wanted for years but now you can't. It sucks, and it hurts, and it rips your heart out, but there is a silver lining: You can find the woman of your dreams now. You can take the lessons you learned with her and apply them to a new relationship.

Your relationship with her was artificial. It may have felt deep, but chances are it never was. People don't generally reach really deep, intimate relationships in their early twenties. As a result they build up walls of superficial behavior around one another. Chances are, you never even knew the girl you lost.

The good news is that you're rapidly approaching the age where women will be real with you. I'd suggest looking for a woman who is a couple of years older than you at this point. She's going to be firm in her needs and desires and won't be a corn flake like younger women usually are.

In the meantime? Find some single male friends and hang out with the guys. Involve yourself in your hobbies. It will keep your mind off of her. You're going to have the lonely nights and sad times for several weeks, perhaps a couple of months, but they will fade and you will be stronger for it. And that one thing you want - the marriage, the family - you'll be able to start from scratch. When you're done, you'll have something to be proud of, and will be happy that this happened. I know that seems impossible to you now, but give it time.

Her attitude toward you now probably hurts the most. As someone else already said, she got over you a long time ago. She just didn't have the maturity to tell you. It's not that this was easy for her, but rather that it's already been done. She's not a cold hearted bitch who hates you, she just severed her emotional attachments a long time ago and now that it's known, she can stop pretending to love you. It hurts like hell that she's been pretending for who knows how long, I know. Push her out of your life and get rid of the things that remind you of her. Don't stay up late reading old love letters and crying, or you'll only prolong your agony. Go out and do something fun. Single male friends have a way of making us guys forget our worries. They also like to set one another up with women, so you can enjoy that. Trust me, once you're shooting pool with friends and gawking at attractive women together, your worries will be gone.

I hope I have helped. Probably too wordy, but hopefully there is something here that speaks to your heart.

 

[Rob Gillespie]

Tom, in September 2002 my then gf decided I was redundant. I went through a similar time as you're experiencing now (without the moving home bit).

I took some days off work and spent a lot of time over the next few weeks with my previous ex and greatest ever friend. Tish was a complete rock, as usual. Her pragmatism and acerbic wit really did the trick.

In October 2002, Tish died, at the age of 32.

If it hadn't have been for that particular relationship ending when it did, I wouldn't have had the chance to spend as much time with Tish as I did.

Sometimes, things really are for the best.

 

[Alex Prosak]

Fantastic post Jeff! Maybe long but absolutely dead on accurate.

I also completely agree that most women I've known in their early 20's just don't know what they want. I find find the maturity women gain in the later 20's early 30's to be very attractive. But then I'm at a different point in my life and look for different things than I did when I was your age. Not that I'm looking for anything at all, I've been very happily married for 10 years as of last month.

 

[Casey Trowbridg]

Tom, first let me just say wo damn she really did hit you with all of the big guns.

I've had this happen to me recently, not once but twice, and with 2 different girls, and they were both painful in uniquely different ways.

This might not be of any comfort to you, but you are really lucky she was honest with you, 1 of the girls that did this to me was not honest with me when she did it, and that's the part that hurt the most even more than her saying she didn't love me anymore.

I've got to agree with those that say that the less contact you have with her the better, otherwise it will be like everytime you see her the memories will stare you back in the face.

I wish you good luck, and there has been a lot of great advice in this thread. Just try to keep your mind off of her and what she did to you, I know that's hard, but it will go a long way.

I wish you luck in Texas finding an apartment and making new friends and everything.

Take care

 

[Tom Roul]

again, thanks for the kind words and advice everyone. i have to get on a plane with her in almost 3 hours to fly to dallas. for the time being she's sucked all the life, excitement and happiness right out of me. i should be so excited about this, but right now i don't even care. i still don't know which way is up. maybe I loved her too much. it just felt so "right" with her. sorry to keep blubbering and bumping this to the top. i just don't have anyone to talk to right now. thanks to everyone who took time to read about my situation. i appreciate it.

Tom

 

[Bob Graz]

Tom, If you're going to spend a lot of time wondering what she was thinking, that's a lot of time wasted, you'll never get back. You'll never know what she was thinking, she may not even know. You're trying to analyze an emotional decision on her part, you just can't, don't try.

It's tough, life threw you a curve ball, it happens. I agree better now than later. Look at the positive side. You know that feeling when you meet a new woman you "click" with. The infatuation, the high, the euphoria, hey, you get to experience it again.

You're 25, you're moving on to an exciting new job, in a new place, you'll do fine. Probably better than fine. You've got to play the cards you're dealt, there's no alternative. Good luck.

 

[aaron campbell]

Hey Tom, I would be hard as a rock on that plane with her. Don't give her the pleasure of knowing your hearts torn, act as if your as happy now as if you've ever been. Kill em with kindness I always say.

Aaron

 

[Alex Prosak]

'Retail therapy', I like that term. Good one Buzz. Along those lines I have a suggestion, maybe a bit of a plug and it may help you meet some good people too. IMHO, Onix Rockets are one of the best values out there and I know there are a ton of owners in the area you're relocating too. Go to audioenvy to arrange an audition with someone near you. Many of the owners are really nice people. I've done a few auditions myself and continue to be in contact with the people afterwards. I've seen a lot of people develop some good friendships through the network. This could be a great way for you to meet some people with common interests. Good luck.

 

[Eric_L]

Hmm, duct tape works for pretty much anything...

 

[Paul McElligott]

Eric_L, I hate people who beat me to a good punchline.