How many divorced or single people do we have here? (1 Viewer)

[Todd Christ]

so what do you guys (with kids) do with the kids? what about living arrangements, healthcare, etc? does the ex make his/her own living?

 

[Sean Conklin]

UPDATE: I talked her into staying for a while, so we can go over our life together and see if there is way to rekindle the Flame. It seems I have been really distant, and just kinda ignoring her. Both of us at the moment cannot admit that we are "IN LOVE" anymore.

She works full time and I work part time, and am basically a stay at home Dad. She wants the floowing to occur in order for our marriage to work, and sha says she can see me in a new light if:

1. I take her dancing at least once a month

2. I take our family to church every sunday and become the families spiritual leader, she is a devout christian, and see's herself as living with a heathen, hey I believe in God, I just don't know how to be a spiritual Leader, maybe Chad Issacs can chime in here and give me some pointers.

3. Be more sensitive to her feelings, and quit bitching while she's shopping or whatever.

4. She wants that 4th of July feeling again when she looks at me, she says when we met just looking at me, made her see stars.

OTOH, I'm not altogether sure I love her, sure I can make her love me again, but what if I am not in love with her anymore?

I am extremely upset at the prospect of her leaving, but is it because I've grown used to having her around for 13 years, or am I still in love, just with not much flame for her? She is human and does many things to piss me off, but I let it slide.

I feel upset at the thought of her leaving, but is it because I feel betrayed, or am I in love?

Oh well sorry about the rambling, I just thought you guys and gals could help me out and help me rekindle the flame, any idea's on how to do this? How can I sweep her off her feet so she see's me as a God again? It's almost like I've been living in a shell for 13 years and do not know how to romance a woman. :b

 

[Sean Conklin]

Also I believe there's about a 40% chance she is bluffing to try to change me.

 

[DougRuss]

But Sean, how long will that last? It could just revert back to the same thing that your going thru now?
I truely believe (My Feelings), it's time to move on!:frowning:

 

[DaleR]

divorced after seven years married. one child now 15. not many words of "wisdom" as every situation is unique. try not to let anger, frustration, resentment color your "new" relationship with your ex and your child. often this involves accepting situations where you may feel you have somehow "lost" an arguement or battle or whatever. as much as possible try to be on good terms with your ex. discuss things as much as possible with her. do not involve your child in useless, acrimonious, destructive recriminations and game playing. take care of yourself.

 

[Julie K]

Sean,
I know I gave you a bit of hard time in the Drew Barrymore thread, but I hope you realize it was nothing personal
Anyway, having 100% common interests is not necessary. My parents married young and share very few interests. But what they do share is a conviction that each has free time to persue those interests.
However, I don't think that's the problem here. It may be she's trying to change you, or one or both of you want a 'flame' rekindled, or whatever - if you want to save the relationship and marriage - get to a counsellor. Neither you nor her can do this alone. Get an expert and get some help! If she won't go, then you go alone, but try to get her to go as well.

 

[Tony_Faville]

Sean, let me ask you this, what is she willing to do for you in return for you doing what she needs?

This has to be a two-way street, give and take on both sides or it will not work. She told you what pisses her off and what she wants done to fix it, now you need to do the same with her.

 

[Rain]

I love Sandra, but I'm 13 years older than her, I don't think this relationship will last, sadly.

Steve, with all due respect, that's rubbish, my friend. Age is irrelevant. If you guys love each other, have things in common and are on the same wavelength, that's all that matters. Of course, I say that not knowing if age is your only reason for concern.

 

[Jack Briggs]

Listen to Rain, guys--I keep telling you.

Another thing that needs to be emphasized: Before you can be happy with anyone else, you must first be happy with yourself. I keep myself very good company. For me, a relationship is icing on the cake of life--but never something I seek out specifically.

As a result, I somehow keep dating. Seeing someone now, in fact. But it wouldn't kill me if the relationship broke up. Why? It's not the center of my life.

For those in the throes of a divorce or breakup, you're too wounded to be considering someone else. Let the healing take place. Then, get out there and enjoy life itself. Do the things you like to do, but never with the specific intent of finding someone. Believe me, that someone will come along, probably when you least expect it.

Rain, again, is giving terrific advice. Why should he not be able to?

 

[Rain]

Thanks, Jack.

...get out there and enjoy life itself. Do the things you like to do...

This is key.

If you do end up separating, get out there and do something you've always wanted to do but, for whatever reason, never would have done while you were together.

For me, it was (after 15 years of procrastination) buying a guitar and starting lessons. Helped immensely.

And don't try to ever change yourself to fit someone else's idea of who you should be. Compromise is one thing, but don't lose youself completely in another person.

"This above all else: To thine own self be true."

 

[Sean Conklin]

so what do you guys (with kids) do with the kids? what about living arrangements, healthcare, etc? does the ex make his/her own living?

Well in my case she wants to split 50/50, and not divorce but live in separate dwellings, I only work very part time, Before this revelation we decided I would stay home with the baby while she pursued her career in healthcare. I am supposed to start school at the end of Feb., this would involve moving to Helena, and she would have to transfer. So it seems my world will be turned upside down. But she still wants to see each other. Maybe she is just having a particularly hard PMS. Either that or she's gone nuts!

 

[Sean Conklin]

Sorry, post retracted: she may read this!

 

[Rob Lutter]

I am single... still searching for that one lucky lady. Most of the girls I have dated... oh... wait a sec nevermind

 

[Holadem]

and not divorce but live in separate dwellings,

This is not good. If you are going to divorce, then please do so. You don't want to be doing this a few years down the road when you want to marry the right women - which at this point might be hard to imagine, I know.

--

Holadem

 

[Sean Conklin]

Everyone: If she actually does this then: SHE'S OUTTA HERE I will file for divorce immediately!

 

[Paul E V]

Single for all of my (33yo) life.

I don't plan on ever getting married, not because I'm afraid of commitment or break-up/divorce but because I don't believe there is anybody out there (that isn't already taken) worth my time.

 

[Sean Conklin]

That's a grim outlook Paul, just when you least expect it SHE will show up.
But I like your attitude

 

[MikeH1]

I have been single for 3 1/2 years. I have dated but nothing serious. I like it this way and know that one day I'll settle down.

 

[NathanP]

I'm a little late, but better late then never
I've been divorced 6 times...
Seriously though,
I've been in love with the same chick since I was 5 (11 years ago) and maybe I'm still kinda a "virgin" at this, but I believe if you really loved someone you'd never fight.
I'm in love and I never want to fight, I want to do whatever she says, and just being with her is enough for me.
Believe me, I don't deserve her, but maybe one day the Lord will let me marry her..
Or am I just crazy and in puppy love?
Sorry about your problems Sean, your a great friend, but about the "heathen" thing..
It says somewhere in the bible "Don't yoke yourself with an unbeliever" (I've watched alot of 700 clubs').
I guess my advice would be-
Go see a pastor.
But, I'm just a 15 year old, you don't have to listen to me.
Nathan

 

[Sam C]

I disagree with some of what has been said here ... Why ... Cause I've been through it ... Ppl say that you can't rekindle flames and I think it's complete shit ... Yes it's not easy and yes it takes work ... The fact that you had sparks with someone in the 1st place shows it can happen ... Ppl let things get in the way of their relationships ... Problem is, these are usually things that are very non-important ... Resentment happens ... Arguements occur ... And life begins to suck ... You get into your habits and let her/him get into theirs ...

You have to both want to change ...

I recommend the following

>Get into some form of couseling ... An outside opinion can go a long way ... Make sure it's someone you both like ... You should know it immediately ...

>If this isn't a viable option ... Look into some audiobooks by ppl like John Gray ... I know John Gray is a bit goofy ... But he knows his shit ...

This is just a start ...

BTW ... I'm someone who has rekindled what many would think was a worthless, loveless, dying relationship ...