How do you deal with not having living grandparents anymore? (1 Viewer)

[MatthewA]

My paternal grandmother died yesterday at age 98 after struggling with some form of dementia for the past couple of years. She was the last of my grandparents to go, I watched her slowly degenerate until she literally could not walk, talk, or do anything for herself. And having an uncle with dementia (my mom's brother) doesn't make me feel any better. Now both my parents are essentially orphans. Trying to process this is not easy. I've dealt with it twice before when my maternal grandmother died when I was 13 and my paternal grandfather died when I was 27. My maternal grandfather died before I was born, so I never knew him, yet I had one great-grandparent, my father's father's mother, alive until I was a year old. Now that whole generation of my family, the one that corresponds to what Tom Brokaw called "the Greatest Generation," the one that won World War II and gave birth to the Baby Boomers despite producing no Presidents, is gone. Of course it makes me sad, but it's a different kind of sad than any other kind of loss. It's not just one death; it's the end of an era.

How have you dealt with this when it happened to your family?

 

[Johnny Angell]

My grandparents didn’t live close, so I seldom saw them. Both my parents have been gone many years, it was a real punch in the stomach losing them. I’ve gone on living, getting used to their absence. Getting used to it, but not liking it. When I was a kid, I thought my parents were imortal. Then in my teens I didn’t really think much about them being gone someday. The day my father died (I was in my 30’s) it was unexpected and a shocking and life changing even.

I know I should count my self lucky that I was that old before a lost a parent, but it dindn’t feel that way.

I dealt with it my keeping on keeping on. By thinking of them, the good and the bad. They were 99% good, but I think it helps me not to think of them as perfect beings.

 

[Malcolm R]

Sorry for your loss. One of my grandparents died before I was born, and two others died before I was 12, so I've never really had any grandparents in my life that I can remember. I have no relationship with my currently 96-year old maternal grandmother.

 

[dana martin]

Matthew,

sorry for you loss, and no words i say will help what only time can do, and that is all i can honestly offer, My Mom passed away just a two weeks ago, and honestly that was the last tie of the old family, i am now the senior member at the ripe old age of 55, like Johnny said keep them in your heart, and be honest with it, don't make them saint's, but as they were because it is that personality that you will miss the most. Mom passed two days before her birthday, and a day before she was traveling to visit me for a weeks vacation, yes i am messed up still a bit, we had a routine, Sunday phone calls, her week, and the next would be mine,

i have faith that the next time we meet, she is going to have a lot to tell me, ...... it's her turn.

Love You Mom!, i still say it every day with a prayer.

 

[Scott Merryfield]

Sorry for your loss, Matthew.

To answer your question, it can be difficult depending on your relationship with your grandparents. I was very close with my mother's parents, who have been gone now for close to 20 years (grandfather passed away about a year after my grandmother). I still miss them both. Whenever I purchased a new car, the first thing I would do was to drive to their house to show it to my grandfather. I think of that every time I get a new car now, and it makes me sad (just bought a new one in late June). I have lots of great memories of time spent with them, though.

On the other hand, I was never close with my dad's parents. His father passed away when I was a teenager in the late 1970's, but his mother was the last of my grandparents to pass away at age 98 a few years ago. I rarely think of them in a fond way, unfortunately, due to the strained relationship.

My parents are both getting up there -- my dad is 84, and my mom will turn 83 later this year. We try to spend as much time with them as we can -- they live about 3 hours away in rural northern Michigan. We just returned from a weeklong trip with them to northern Minnesota.

 

[Eve Babcock]

Condolence...
It's hard at first, but when you stick to the idea that now they rest for real, your mood will lighten up a bit

 

[John Dirk]

Life events are difficult to process. Don't let that scare or bother you, they're supposed to be. As we grow [evolve] more is required of us by our creator. The people you now mourn dealt with similar challenges in their time. The best tribute you can pay to them is to live your life in a way which you know would make them proud. Keep it up. You'll get through this.

 

[Clinton McClure]

My condolences on your loss, Matthew. Unfortunately, I wasn’t close to any of my grandparents so I am no authority on the subject.