The following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: 1. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? 2. Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' Q: Did he kill you? 3. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? 4. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 5. Were you alone or by yourself? 6. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July first Q: What year? A: Every year. 7. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. 8. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? 9. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? 10. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? 11. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now? A: I'll be three months on November 8. Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time? 12. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide? 13. So you were gone until you returned? 14. Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there girls? 15. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? 16. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? 17. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." 18. Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? 19. Have you ever thought of committing involuntary manslaughter? 20. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury! Please take a long, hard look at this alleged repeat sex offender.... Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.