He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

Discussion in 'Archived Threads 2001-2004' started by Steve Christou, Mar 4, 2003.

  1. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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    Budding novelists take heed, how not to write, these are taken from essays by pupils taking their GCSE exams in Britland.[​IMG]
    I found these hysterical, hmmm these are our future novelists and playwrights?[​IMG]


    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was British beef at room temperature.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

    It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

    McMurphy fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamp-post.

    Heres the link to more...

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5-2003100674,00.html
     
  2. Jay Taylor

    Jay Taylor Supporting Actor

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    [​IMG]

    I hate when that happens!
     
  3. Patrick Sun

    Patrick Sun Moderator
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    What if you talk like that?
     
  4. Chris Moe

    Chris Moe Screenwriter

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  5. Steve Christou

    Steve Christou Long Member

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  6. JasenP

    JasenP Screenwriter

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    "It was so quiet you could hear a cliche drop"

    Can't give the source because I don't remember, it's still one of my favorites.
     
  7. Alex-C

    Alex-C Screenwriter

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    JasenP, a lyric from a Trash Can Sinatras song along the same lines:

    sshhh, it's so quiet, you could hear a name drop !
     
  8. Dave Poehlman

    Dave Poehlman Producer

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  9. Julian Reville

    Julian Reville Screenwriter

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    Or as my high-school English teacher used to say: "Similes, the lazy man's metaphors".
     
  10. CaseyLS

    CaseyLS Second Unit

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    I take it your wife isnt home.
     
  11. Malcolm R

    Malcolm R Executive Producer

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    Hee hee hee...Just took a look a the whole list. I love these, too (especially the first one) [​IMG] :

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    Even in his last years, grandad had a mind like a steel trap — only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    Shots rang out as shots are wont to do.

    The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.


    [​IMG]
     
  12. JeremySt

    JeremySt Screenwriter

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    I always remember someone in my high school writing

    "he laughed the laugh of many guys laughing."
     
  13. Alex Spindler

    Alex Spindler Producer

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    You might also like the 2002 Bad Fiction Awards

    My personal favorite being:
     
  14. NickSo

    NickSo Producer

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    [​IMG] omg those are gold!
     
  15. BrianW

    BrianW Cinematographer

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    Alex, that's a perfect example of horrible writing. The modifier "one sixtieth," should definitely be hyphenated. Other than that, it's brilliant!

    As an aside, I once knew a guy who claimed to be one-third Cherokee. I didn't ask how that was possible. [​IMG]

    I once barfed the barf of many guys barfing. But I never wrote about it.

    (Until now.)
     
  16. Peter McM

    Peter McM Supporting Actor

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    "It sure is quiet in here...

    Really good accoustics, too...

    You could hear a nasal drip."

    - singer Noel Paul Stookey opening a concert, circa 1970's
     

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