Gift for a great woman you don't know too well, but would like to? (1 Viewer)

[MarkHastings]

Being engaged to someone is pretty much the same as being married and no single man should be giving gifts to a married women. Period.

WHAT???? I have plenty of married female friends that I give gifts to. No harm involved. I think the thing Robert needs to keep in mind is that he shouldn't give a 'Romantic' gift that looks like he's trying to break her apart from her fiance.

Give the gift as a good 'friend' and don't expect anymore than just friendship right now. Be her best friend and if the engagement or marriage doesn't work out, then you'll most likely be the one she turns to for consoling.

Expressing yourself as a friend really shouldn't freak her out in any way. But I will agree with Ryan Wright about expressing yourself as anything more. Either you'll scare her away or she'll think twice about the engagement and that's a gamble you shouldn't make. Being her best friend will prove just how much you care for her (without it being in a creepy/threatening sort of way), and if she has any doubts about her engagement, she'll most likely confide with you about them...and maybe something will happen between you, but you gotta let her make that first move because you're in rocky territory.

The one thing you don't want her to do is to break off the engagement so quickly. I don't think you'd want to be dating a woman who changes her mind as quickly as that, because she may just turn around and do the same to you in a few years.

 

[Holadem]

The one thing you don't want her to do is to break off the engagement so quickly. I don't think you'd want to be dating a woman who changes her mind as quickly as that, because she may just turn around and do the same to you in a few years.

You have to question the strength of an engagement that gets broken off because of some new guy.

--
Holadem

 

[Matt Gordon]

It's not the strength of the engagement that concerns me as much as the psyche of the person who would do that. They simply may not be capable of being in a "strong" engagement.

 

[MarkHastings]

You have to question the strength of an engagement that gets broken off because of some new guy

Good point.

But then you'd have to think about why she agreed to marry the guy in the first place (especially if she was so quick to break it). If she isn't that happy with the guy then why'd she agree to marry him? That's not a rational way to think and I doubt if I'd want a girlfriend who thought that way. It just seems like more trouble than anything else.

 

[Lew Crippen]

Two things:

All's fair in love and war

Faint heart never won fair lady

 

[Eric_L]

I say give her a gift, ask her out, and bang her if you get the chance.

Well, maybe not in that order... hehe.

Honestly, it depends on the nature of the 'engagement'. If the wedding is in June, she has a ring and has been shopping for invites, then back off and find a new interest.

However, if it is one of the more common wishy-washy 'engagements' with no clear date set (even with a ring, maybe) the I say go for it. They have not set a date because the commitment is not realy there. The just wanted to be really really really good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Remember, ALL girls have boyfriends. In this competitive world if you just rollover and play dead whenever competition shows up you'll be left with nothing.

If you want to be the best boyfrined or potential in the world, well, that's a different subject, but it starts with self-respect and respect for your love interest. Don't compromise either one. Also, look at your love interests not at what they can do for you, but what you can do together. (and I don't mean HUMP!) (well, maybe a little!)

As far as a gift goes, I've never gone wrong with flowers. Carnations are good for friends. Chocolate is easy too.

 

[Jeremiah]

WHAT???? I have plenty of married female friends that I give gifts to. No harm involved. I think the thing Robert needs to keep in mind is that he shouldn't give a 'Romantic' gift that looks like he's trying to break her apart from her fiance.

Mark, do you also have a crush on those women? I would bet you also have known them for some time too. The guy likes this girl so I don't believe there is nothing "harmless" involved. The topic is "Gift for a great women you don't know too well, but would like to?" How can there not be something romantic involved there? What about this topic.... Gift for a great engaged women you don't know too well, but would like to?" Tell me what that sounds like now.

 

[Charles J P]

Hey, I disagree with a lot of the advice given here, but its up to you. Keep this in mind though, if you give her a "friendly" gift and dont say anything else, you'll probably be cool, but it probably wont lead anywhere either. However, if it were my fiance, and you gave here a romantic gift and told her you are falling in love with her, I would seriously kick your ass. But I guess I'm old fashioned. If a girl is attached, mind your own business.

 

[MarkHastings]

The guy likes this girl so I don't believe there is nothing "harmless" involved.

I also said that he shouldn't make it a "Romantic" gift. Maybe if the guy gave her a pair of panties, I'd tend to agree with your statement, but giving a friend a book as an expression of love is not as harmful as people tend to think.

As long as Robert doesn't expect anything more than friendship in return, I don't think we should make him feel like he can't do a kind gesture by buying this woman a gift as his token of appreciation toward her.


I'm trying to persuade him to keep the relationship friendly, but at the same time, don't feel like you can't go anywhere near her.

p.s. Any guy who feels that his fiance will be seduced into leaving him has 2 things to think about:
1.) She's not worth your time.
2.) You're obviously not doing something right to keep her.

If she's a confident and secure woman, you kicking his ass might be a turn off to her. Jealousy is not an attractive quality.

I know plenty of guys who are confident enough in themselves to have no worries that thier girl will just throw away everything because of some guy she just met...Isn't that what love is all about? Trust????

If this girl really loves her fiance, then Robert has NO chance, but if she is seduced, then there is obviously something wrong with the guy she's with and he's better off finding out now and not ten years later when they have kids to psychologically destroy.

 

[Robert_Z]

Well, let me (re)state my objective. I fear I have been ambiguous.

After this week, there is no reason for this girl and I to cross paths. That would suck.

What I want to accomplish is to remain in her life somehow, but certainly not as a fling. I could get that anywhere.

Part of the reason I am getting her a gift is because she said she was getting me a little something to commemmorate our "time together." I would be an ass not to get her something. (I didn't state this before...my bad.)

As of today, I don't know her well enough to have any passionate feelings. Just curiosity about and respect for her. But I think if we got to know each other, things could head in an interesting direction.

However, #2 is the scenario that will play out if you don't say anything. So, what's to lose?

Nothing, unless this dude decides to (as others have said they would do) kick my butt. Hulk Hogan I am not. I have never understood this violent, butt-kicking mentality. By beating up someone who is interested in your woman, what exactly is being accomplished?

 

[MarkHastings]

I have never understood this violent, butt-kicking mentality. By beating up someone who is interested in your woman, what exactly is being accomplished?

Anyone who feels the need to solve things with violence is usually compensating for a lacking somewhere else (No, I don't just mean his penis).

It could be anything:
-A fear that he is not good enough for her and that she'll leave him for just about anyone
-Not enough money to support her
-Not good looking enough
-And of course, the small penis syndrome

Basically, it boils down to some sort of insecurity...

I can guarantee you that the anger these men feel is not because of the guy his girl is seeing, they're usually stemmed from an anger towards one of their own inabilities.

A secure man wouldn't resort to violence. A secure man would know that his fiance wouldn't leave him for someone else.

So to answer your question "what exactly is being accomplished?", a man who feels the need to "kick your butt" is only proving that he has deeper issues than he has lead you to believe.



p.s. Before anyone says something about my comments, I'm really talking about the guys who actually go out and do the fighting...saying you're going to do it and actually doing it are 2 different things. I'm sure most guys who say "I'd kick his ass!" are just saying it due to the initial anger and would be smart enough not to really do it in the end.

 

[Jeremiah]

Well, if a man just tries to pick up your girl, and once sees she is taken and then backs off is one thing but to know she is taken and still try and hook up with her is just so disrespectful it is disgusting. Basically, that man is saying you are a punk piece of sh!t, and he is going to walk right over you and take your girl. How can you not do something if that is thrown at you?

P.S. getting into a fight over this is a lot easier if it happens in the moment but to actually go out looking for the guy is a little different.

 

[MarkHastings]

Basically, that man is saying you are a punk piece of sh!t, and he is going to walk right over you and take your girl.

But why do we always have to assume that the woman can't think for herself. In order for the guy to actually get your girl, she'd have to make the decision to leave you. And that's even more disrespectful to you than anything this other guy did.

If she's really willing to break off your engagement for someone else, then she's obviously not "Mrs. Right".

I think what we're confusing here is a guy proclaiming his love (one time) and a guy who won't take no for an answer.

Maybe if someone said to this engaged woman that he had feelings for her, she responds that she doesn't feel the same way about him, and he keeps pressuring her about it, then you (as the boyfriend) have the right to be pissed off and do something about it...but if a guy proclaims his love for your girlfriend (just to get it out in the open), she responds that she doesn't feel the same way about him, and that's the end of it, then what do you have to be angry about?

In the later situation, your girlfriend has proven to you how devoted she is to you. If a guy proclaims his love for her and she dumps you, there's obviously a bigger issue you need to look at than just the other guy.

If she REALLY loves you, no one is going to take her away from you.

 

[Patrick_S]

This has been a very interesting thread.

Just a general observation, there are a lot of VERY insecure men in the world.

Mark I have really enjoyed your comments on the issue especially your last two posts. I think this statement:

If she REALLY loves you, no one is going to take her away from you.

seems to be forgotten by most.

 

[Michelle Schmid]

Is it too late for a woman's opinion?

What I want to accomplish is to remain in her life somehow

Now, that "somehow" is a sentiment I can agree with, provided you are thinking along the lines of friendship only. Give her a friendly gift such as a book or CD that revolves around the thing that brought you two together. When you give it to her, tell her you enjoyed--what, working with her? Attending a conference and for once finding someone who has shared interests with you? The new ideas she brought to your attention that you plan to continue exploring?--whatever. Nothing wrong with that.

But leave it there.

 

[Adil M]

Yeah, just forget it. Make your intentions known in your next life...


when your both brothers or something (I know I'm an ass).

There's a big difference between having some chemistry and "curiousity." I'm "curious" about every other female I see.

 

[Matt Gordon]

Smart girl, that Michelle.

 

[MarkHastings]

Then why in the H*** would you be willing to destroy her current relationship?

How is he going to destory her current relationship? The only way he can is if she breaks the engagement and (as I stated before), her current engagement must not be so great if she's willing to throw it all away for a guy she hardly knows.

I would hate to see Robert go and try to convince this woman to break off her engagment, but I don't think there is any dishonor in telling her that he feels something toward her and (if she ever has any doubts about her marriage) that he'd be more than happy to be there for her...I don't think any woman should have a problem with that sort of honesty. And as far as her boyfriend...If I was him, I'd be more honored than mad that someone else wants what I have. I used to date a woman that gave me the biggest ego because of the fact that a lot of men wanted her and yet she chose to be with me.

But again, Robert also has to keep in mind the fact that not every woman is the same and this woman might not take it the right way and you may totally turn her off...I'd stick with the friendly gift that shows off your wonderful friendship.

 

[Ryan Wright]

Part of the reason I am getting her a gift is because she said she was getting me a little something to commemmorate our "time together."

She's not 100% committed to her fiance. If she was, she wouldn't be doing this. I've got money on the table that says the vast majority of women will agree.

 

[MikeAlletto]

I don't think it's appropriate to flirt with a woman who is engaged. Let it go.

She's not married yet...things change...